SMUTTY asf ladies and gents!!!!
You end up getting a new job as a football managers assisstant and you have to work with the England team.
You meet all of the boys on the team, one of them manages to get on your nerves so much.
Will you always be e...
I sat still on the sofa thinking about how much of an idiot I was for not just telling Phil straight that it was my psycho ex trying to ruin our relationship. I went over to my bag and decided to unpack it instead of just sitting there doing nothing. I went through my bag and unpacked it until I found it. Phil's jumper, I must have accidentally packed it. I was rushing to shove my clothes in my bag and must have accidentally put it in. I held the hoodie up to my nose and smelt it. All I could think of was him, his cologne, his touch, his love. The sweatshirt only reminded me of him and how much I needed him now. I sat and cried into his hoodie for a little on the floor before standing up and putting some washing in and then hanging some of my clothes up. I had to make myself busy so that I wouldn't think about him, that's what I usually did after a breakup, it usually worked. Not this time, no matter how concentrated I was or how busy I was, I would constantly be thinking of him. I get it, I screwed up big time but did I really deserve for him to leave me? It was all a misunderstanding and I couldn't even get the chance to explain myself to him. After doing a few jobs around the house, I decided to put some music on and sit in the kitchen doing some work. Since a kid, I had always wanted to be a fashion designer it's just that it cost money and obviously when dad kicked me out, I didn't have any money. But now I had more money so I had bought myself a few mannequins and fabrics and a sewing machine just to give designing a go. Until now, I hadn't really had time to give it that good of a go since I had always been busy but because I can't sleep, eat or even think straight, I decided to give it a try. Why not? I pulled out some gorgeous royal blue velvet fabric and began cutting the fabric into segments of where they would make the dress. I pinned all of the pieces on the mannequin and then after I had made sure they were all right, I sewed them together. After hours and hours I had finished making the dress. It was now light out so I presumed that I had lost track of time and been making the dress all night. I stood back and admired the dress for a little. The royal blue dress hung with such elegance and beauty. I could barely believe my eyes. The velvet and gold complimented the blue so well. The shape of the dress was sexy and tight yet loose and casual. It wasn't an ordinary dress that could be bought by anybody. My first ever dress and it was perfect in my eyes:
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It was gorgeous to me. I heard a knock on the door and decided to answer it because it would be rude if not. I opened the door and saw the one person I expected least. No, not Phil...Jack Grealish was at my front door. "Umm, hiya Jack." "Y/n be seriously honest with me here. You haven't been near that man since sixth form?" "No, I haven't even tried reaching out since sixth form." "And he is a crazy ex who keeps ruining all of your relationships?" "Yes, why are you asking me all of this? I already told you it all over messages." "Do you swear on your mother's grave that he is your crazy ex who keeps ruining relationships and that you haven't texted him or kissed him or had sex with him or even met up with him since sixth form?" "What the fuck Jack? My mum's grave really?" "Y/n! Do you fucking swear?" "Yes I swear I haven't been in contact with him since sixth form and he's fucking mad." "Okay." He walked away from the door back to his car and I didn't even know what to do. What the actual fuck was all that about? Making me swear on my mother's grave, that's low. Why couldn't they just fucking believe me for once? I walked back into my house not even wanting to ask questions about what the hell just happened. I looked back at the dress and decided to take it upstairs into my bedroom so that it couldn't get destroyed. I placed it in one of the corners and left my room to go and get some food. I made myself some chicken noodle soup, my mum's recipe again. It always made me feel safe and secure and was actually so easy to make once you got the hang of it. I sat at the kitchen island and ate my soup whilst watching some love island on my laptop. It made me sad watching all the girls on love island find guys that they were happy with. It just reminded me of Phil and how he would never speak to me again. I get that I was in this position because of myself and that pissed me off more than anything. All of a sudden I replayed all of the people who left me and remembered why they all left me. Every single one was because of me. They all said that they left em because of me and the worst part is that I could see that. I ran out to my car and tried getting in but saw that it was locked. My keys were still in the house and the front door was open. It was around 6pm by now and it was getting dark as it was winter. The rain poured on my head and I ran down my street simply wanting to escape my reality. Running, it made me feel better but I couldn't escape this one, I couldn't escape knowing that the reason I was alone is because nobody can stand me and because I'm a screw up. Everyone screws up, but nobody screws up nearly as badly as me. I was still running in hopes that I could find a way to escape this pain but nothing worked. I was trapped; between death and heartache. There was no third option, no way out, that used to be Phil but now I have let him down too and I had nobody. I ran and ran and ran hoping that there would be a light at the end of the tunnel, hoping that my heart could once again be mended. I wanted to live. I wanted to make people proud of me. I wanted support and friends. I wanted Phil back. I ran and saw a health's dm beauty shop and I walked back into the trap that constantly caught me at my worst. I bought a pack of razors and sat by a tree near some shops. I think it might have been hesitation, not being sure if this was the right thing. I had nothing else though, this had to be right somehow. I realised that if there was one place that I would want to die then it would be the beach that I took Bea to that was nearby my house. It was like my second home on days that I was down and I thought that it would be better since nobody would be there. I walked through the rain to the beach and sat on a patch of sand that was close by to the sea. The sound of the waves lapping up on the shore. The birds above singing to one another. The fish jumping in and out of the water every now and then. Trees swaying in the wind. It was peaceful, the perfect place to have my last moments. The place that I could be happy and alone and just take in all the great things that I have done. I had contemplated grabbing a bottle of vodka on the way down to the beach too. As much as that would have made it much easier, I wanted to make sure that I was doing this sober and whilst knowing what I was getting into. I didn't want to do this because I was drunk and not thinking straight. So I left the vodka and just stuck to being sober. I opened the packet of blades and reminisced all of the amazing things I had been through. All the challenges I had faced in my life. I remembered how I loved the people in my life and how I would hate to hurt them. But me being here, that would hurt them more than me being gone surely. Then I thought about what my mum and dad had always said to me, I was strong and I could get through anything. I was strong and I wasn't meant to be sat here doing this to myself. I was meant to be happy. I was meant to be snuggling up with Phil in bed by now. I was meant to be living my life as best as I could for my mum because she never got to. That's the way that my life was meant to be. TW- SELF-HARM MENTIONED IN THIS PARAGRAPH. I pulled the razors apart and got a blade in my hand I grabbed my leg and let the blade sink deep into my skin. I dragged it along my leg letting it leave lines of blood all over my leg. I watched as the golden sand below me turned crimson. I watched the rain fall into the ocean and I saw the sky getting darker. I saw stars appear in the night sky. I loved this beach. I loved my best moments here and now I was ending my worst moments here. I drifted off into the deep slumber whilst suffocating in blood. This was the end. No more pain. No more hurt. Just the end.
________________________________ A/n- this story though it may seem it, is not finished quite yet. Hope you are enjoying so far loves <33
