My nemesis // Phil Foden// Femreader

Chapter 26- how many times can I say sorry...

I placed my hand on the door handle and just left it there for a little. I didn't want to open the door, what if they were all mad at me. I pulled down on the handle and opened the door. I walked into the house and closed the door behind me. Walking through to the living room, I could see Mason, Bukayo, Phil, Bea and Declan sat watching some TV. They had all waited for me to get back, were they going to try and talk to me? Were they all going to yell at me? Would they all just hug me? I didn't know what was about to happen and that terrified me, I liked being in control and knowing what was going to happen. Fuck, I had really messed up this time. 

"Hi..." I spoke quietly in hopes that they all would speak to me in the same quiet tone. They all turned around and looked at me.

"What the fuck y/n? Why the fuck would you run off for hours and not tell anybody where you were going?" Bea was clearly furious at me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise that you would all-"

"No, no you didn't realise y/n. You never seem to fucking realise do you?" She cut me off. 

"I'm really sorry." I turned around and walked upstairs whilst fighting tears. I got into my room and shut my door. I slid down the door and just let all of my tears loose. I hated this, I knew Bea had every right to be mad but I couldn't handle her yelling at me after the day that I have had today. I went into the bathroom and looked for my razor. I know that I husked out my old blades so I had to get a new one. I fpund my razor and pulled out one of the blades. I stared at the mirror and saw myself. I just wanted to smash the mirror. I was in horror of myself. "Y/n you are such a fucking bitch and you always think everything is about you. Nobody likes you, you're a freak and even your own father can't stand to be in the same town as you. How pathetic are you?" I was talking to myself and said everything that came to my head. The worst part of ti was that, I knew it was all true. 

I put the blade down and decided that I was going to keep my promise to myslef. I wasn't going to self-harm again. Not this time, I was stronger than this. I could be better than this, I had to prove to myself that I am not pathetic. 

I heard a knock at my door and slid out of the bathroom so answer it. I opened the door and saw Bukayo stood there. 

"Hi, I'm really sorry for scaring you all. I never wanted to do that, I just wanted to get away."

"Just, can I ask you something y/n?"

"Yeah."

"What made you want to run away?"

"Oh it was nothing, don't worry about it."

"If you don't tell me then I am gonna be pissed because you made me stay up for hours worrying and now you can't even tell me why."

"Fine but you can't tell anybody else and you can't speak to the person that it's about okay?"

"Yes, I will keep it between us."

"It was umm...it's Jack."

"As in Grealish?"

"Yeah."

"What's he done."

"He ummm. He came up to me and just basically called me a whore and that kind of stuff."

"What, tell me what he actually said."

"He was like I see you have moved from Phil to Mason to Bukayo to Declan and then back to Phil in all one week and I know that I should be nice to you because you are kind of Phils girl now but I have to tell you that you are a whore."

"What the fuck is his issue with you? Why is he always saying shit to you." Saka ran down the stairs with tightened fists and I followed after him.