Musings of the Insane

I don't care

Nothing matters,

no one cares,

whether I'm dying,

or whether I disappear.

** 

All I want is release,

only death can give me that.

I don't want to die,

but all the voices are giving me a migraine.

**

Normally I don't mind hearing them,

sometimes I speak back.

They are smarter than most people who are real,

but right now I need to think in peace.

**

They stay quiet for a few seconds,

but still no thoughts emerge.

I realize that despite what I thought was anger,

the truth is I don't care

**

I'm not numb, there isn't anything lurking

beneath the surface of my mind.

There is only one thought, as formless as smoke.

I do not care.

**

I sit by myself, hoping the tears will come,

waiting for the pain that should be killing me.

I couldn't imagine life without you before,

but now you're gone and I can't even cry.

**

What's wrong with me?

Why am I not curling on the floor,

sobs ripping out of me, pain echoing

through every empty crevasse in my soul?

**

Why am I just sitting here?

Staring at the fire, wondering about what we had,

wondering where you are, what you're doing?

Why does thinking about you not hurt?

**

Have I finally broken?

Have I lost my mind?

Have you pushed me over that steep cliff,

into the deep abyss of my mind?

**
Even if you did,

I realize something,

that should scare me.

I just don't care...