Musings of the Insane

Alone in a crowd

I walk around without a destination,
Lost in my thoughts.
So loud, so pained, they echo around,
They scream over one another.
**
I walk through a crowd of people,
Tears running down my face.
But nobody stops to ask me if I'm okay,
And I realize I'm alone in a crowd.
**
Nobody sees the pain I feel,
Though I don't try to hide it.
They choose not to see, not to care,
Because it's easier that way.
**
Why should they care?
It doesn't concern them
If I want to go home and
Kill myself tonight.
**
They will never notice,
As they go home to loving families.
As long as it doesn't affect them,
Why would they even look in my direction?
**
I smirk at each of them,
Imagining their faces if I told them
What I really thought of them,
The hatred I bear for them all.
**
If I told them that everything
they take for granted, I never had.
If I told them I envy their overprotective parents,
And their annoying little siblings.
**
They would just look at me
Like I'm a freak, like they always do.
They still wouldn't care, though,
It still wouldn't concern them.
**
If I died, they would shed fake tears,
And share false words of sympathy,
Lighting candles in my honor,
Acting like they cared about me.
**
But soon they would get on with their lives,
And I would be forgotten.
Not that I was remembered to begin with.
Because I am alone in this crowd.
**
There is a certain beauty to silence,
Something only those used to it see.
Because a screaming crowd is just as
Meaningless as total silence.
**
Silence, to the lonely, is not the
absence of sound. It is the absence
Of any words of importance,
The lack of comfort in words.
**
So I'm in complete silence,
Despite the screaming crowd around me.
I am alone in this clique dominated school,
And always alone in a crowd.