In my life

My family PART ONE

On the outside my life always seemed like I live a quiet and normal life but on the inside it was quite the opposite. I had a big family, too many sisters and not enough brothers. Actually I had no brothers at all. I had a mother and that was it I wasn't close to anybody other family members like aunt or evil grandmother/ bitch. My family is really weird, we all have completely different personalities but yet in many ways we are the same. Our irritation of each other is what we have in common the most.

I would love to not live with them but unfortunately I don't have the amount of money that will send me far away. I don't understand the habits sometimes. I mean how on earth can you make your room smell like garbage and vomit at the same time. Things I will not understand sometimes or wouldn't want to find out.

To be honest I don't really think I fit in with them. I don't think I belong anywhere else. But where do I truly belong? My personality is crazy and different and unique which is weird if you put all the words together. I understand that some people hate their family because they don't understand but they are all ridiculous I'm the only one whose family doesn't understand me. I'm the tallest among these bitches. Gosh darn it these bitches treat me like I am nothing. Someone random would easily replace me walking the street in front of my house that is if anyone would walk by these days. Most people are sitting in their house watching TV and eating chips. Man, what the fuck is wrong with this world and my family?

I've wanted to runaway since I was 13. I wanted a different home and hell a family. I want a brother and a sister not fucking 5 bitches + my mother. But what would running away do really? I would have nowhere to go and I'll probably be raped, well maybe not cause I look like a giant and rape guys I guess are scared of giants. Well anyways I'll probably be uncomfortable for the night or the other nights ahead but I will be out of this house. Hopefully I will not get myself killed. Maybe I'll find myself a whole new family and they'll cherish me and make yummy vegetarian food and maybe they'll all be vegetarians as well. There you go folks the only thing that will lure me into your home is love and yummy vegetarian food. I have never had the guts to runaway mainly due to lack of money and my thirteen year old dream is still on hopefully before my eighteen birthday which is in a couple of months.

I don't always like complaining but I can't help it. They make me say bad words they make me go insane. This family has completely fucked me up. I am a fucked up teenager, how typically is that? How do I reverse this state when I'm an adult does it just go away or do I have to work for it. I seriously hope life will be a little easier when I'm older. There is so much questions I would like to ask a real grown up but where can I find one. It's not like I could go on the streets and ask a random dude and say how is your life as a grown up right? I would ask my teachers but they are all pricks. When I was younger I was led to believe that teachers were saint and just plain goodies but no fuck you TV for lying to me. My teachers were just ordinary people who have lost their first dream or it was too big for them and that how they ended up being fucked up teachers. I thought they were people who wanted to help student learn and help the future generations from fucking up but they are the very reason for my generation fucking up. Fuck you teacher who gave up on students and where are you teachers who love to teach, where the fuck are you?

I don't really know where I'm supposed to be but I know one thing for sure it's not with this family. I know it might sound fun living with five girls and my mom it might even sound like a slumber party but it's really not. Its fucking hell living with these bitches are they fucking annoying. Seriously will I move out already, right? These bitches give me a headache every fucking day. I want to just line them all up in a row and courteously slap them in the face. Oh my! That image just makes me smile. I don't know how much longer I can endure them but hopefully not much cause that will make me so sad. I wish it was like a slumber and everyone got along well but my life is not a fucking fairy tale.

This year I want to make a changes to stop complaining, to stop writing hate blogs entries about my boss, stop worrying about how much the teachers don't care and worry about how much you care. I need to be super clean. No more swearing from this gal. I will do yoga for 30 minutes to clear my head. I need to see more of daylight and I need to walk a lot maybe even go to the gym. I will not drink anymore coffee, strictly tea for this bitch. I need to be more graceful because I'm well a girl. Say hi to everyone that makes eye contact except the Indian old dudes because they don't ever smile back. I need to organize everything in my binder. I have to be strictly positive so I'll be on a non-sarcastic diet. I'll admit this all sounds incredibly hard but I believe I can do it hell no I know I will achieve this. Life changing alteration number 112 begins.