The Orc With A Heart

Chapter 3: Sleep

The rest of the day sucked at that point, as it seemed like Samuel had a big smile on his face through out the day, as if he knew exactly what it was that I had said to Addison, as if he knew that I had asked her out, and I had admitted to her that I had a crush. I was worried that Addison might have told him, as I had lost a lot of my trust in her now, simply just due to the fact that she had denied me.
I knew that she had not said any thing to him, some where deep down in my heart, but that was not what my brain was thinking right now, as I was kind of angry, if I was not going to lie to my self as well. I knew that every single thing that she had said to me, had in fact made perfect sense, and I knew that she was right on the fact that we would just not work out at all, but it did not mean that it was not going to hurt me never the less.
I was not sure why I had any faith that she would say yes to me, as of course, it was just like she had said, and just like every one else had told me... I was in fact an orc. I was starting to get a bit more used to it at this point if I was going to be completely honest with my self. Every one hated me, and every one was scared of me. It was sad to think that way, but it was just the truth, and there was no use in denying it, as I knew that I would only be lying to my self.
Eldon and Ashton had both come to a bit of the assumption that she had said no of course. They were great friends, and they did not treat me different than any one else, but sadly, it was clear that they did not realize that other people would in fact treat be differently, due to the fact that I was an orc of course. It was cold, and it hurt me to think on it, but I knew that it was the sad truth, as I knew that they were not used to having any one treat them differently, so it was clear that they would think the same would happen to me.
I sighed, as I did my best to shake off all of those thoughts all at the exact same time as well, as I saw my friends packing up all of their stuff that they had brought with them. It was clear that they could tell that I was a bit down, but they did not know as to what it was for, thankfully enough, as I really did not want to make a big deal out of it if I was being to be for real with my self as well.
I watched as most of my friends began to walk away, besides Eldon and Ashton of course, as I could tell that they wanted to talk to me, as it was clear that they felt bad about the fact that they had supported me on my choice until the end, which I did not blame them for, and frankly, though I kind of wanted to be left alone right now, I kind of felt like I really could use a bit of their support right now, as I was not all too sure as to what it was that I was going to do after this.
I breathed in quite a bit heavily, as just as I saw Eldon and Ashton we're heading over to talk to me, I noticed that for some odd reason or another, they them stopped them selves, which I tilted my head just a little bit, not all too sure as to why they had in fact done such a thing in the first place any ways. I blinked my eyes a few times, as I still was a bit lost for a little while longer, until I heard quiet footsteps from right behind me.
I turned my head over to where I had heard the noise come from, as I then all of the sudden noticed that it was Addison, and I dipped my head a bit low to the ground at the exact same time too, as I now knew as to why Eldon and Ashton had stopped them selves now, as it was clear that they did not want to get in the way of what ever it was that was about to happen right here.
I was not all too certain as to what it was that was about to happen right here and right now if I was going to be honest with my self. A part of me kind of thought that she had changed her mind, and she had all of the sudden fallen in love with me, going against what it was that her father had wanted for her. I knew that it was false hope how ever, as I knew that I needed to be at least a little bit more realistic with my self right now.
Addison sat down beside me on the bench, as I saw her from the corner of my eye, as she was staring off in to the middle of no where. I was quite a bit annoyed, and quite a bit upset if I was going to be completely honest with my self right now. Not with her, nor with her decision, but I really did not want to talk to her right now if I was going to be honest with my self, after what it was that she had told me.
It was not just the fact that she had in fact denied me, but it was also the fact that she had admitted to me that she was now dating Samuel, who was a guy that I did not like at all, as I could say that for a fact. It really hurt me, as I wanted to cry, but I held in all of my tears, as I knew that I was stronger than all of that, as I was an orc, and orcs were supposed to be stronger than humans were.
I still felt like I could not help it, as I then all of the sudden turned my head away from her completely now, as I just stared out in to nothing at all, as I looked at the lake that was in front of me right now. Perhaps it would just be best if I was to jump in to that lake, and just drown my self to death. It would be a lot better for a lot of people if I was going to be for real with my self at the exact same time too.
My father did not have to take care of me any more, not did he have to worry about my angry out bursts, my friends would stop drinking so much, I was quite a bit sure of, as I knew that I was a bad influence on all of their drinking habits. The best part about all of it too, was the fact that Addison did not have to worry about me at all any more if that was in fact the case, as I would be gone from this world.
No longer would I have people staring me down on the streets, and at the park all of the time, as if they thought that I was always going to run out them with a battle axe, and tear them in half in front of every one that was with them. Yes... Every thing would be a lot better for every one with out a doubt in my mind, as I then smiled at just the thought of that, even though the thoughts were a bit sickening to even think on right now.
I shivered at all of those thoughts all at once, as I then all of the sudden heard the voice of Addison begin to speak up to me all of the sudden, as I then turned my head over to her, as much as I really did not want to do so at all right now, as I just wanted to be alone, and just think off all of the dark and evil thoughts that were going through my mind right now, just like a good orc would do, as I knew that I had been told that it was a lot of what orcs thought of, was simply just to kill humans.
I was fairly certain that it was not the truth at all, as it was for sure not what I thought of all of the time, though some times I did think that I wanted to kill Samuel, but still. I sighed, as I did my best to try to shake off all of those thoughts all at the exact same time as well, as I looked at Addison right in to her eyes, as I could tell that she had a bit of a look of pain on her face, as if I had been the one that had said no to her, which was not the case at all, which confused me quite a bit.
Addison looked at me in my eyes for just a little while longer, until she then all of the sudden nodded to me, to let me know that she was about to speak to me now. I blinked my eyes just a few times, but I did in fact nod right back over to her, to let her know that I was in fact listening as to what it was that she had to say to me in the very first place any ways. Finally, Addison did begin to speak to me, as I did in fact listen as to what it was that she had to say to me, as each and every word that she said stung in to me a bit like a bee.
"I am sorry Zin... It's just... I know it hurts you... I do love you, and we can still be friends... Let's just leave it that... Okay?" She said to me, as I looked at her for just a little bit of some time, taking in just what it was that she had to say to me in the very first place any ways, as it hurt me like hell, as to the fact that she was saying that she did 'love me', but she was saying that she simply could not be with me, just due to the fact that I was an orc, which made me feel not just a bit sick, but also the fact that it made me a little bit angry too.
I did my best to try to control my anger, such as my father had been trying to teach me to do at the exact same time too, though I was not all too sure how much help that had been at all, if I was going to be completely honest with my self never the less, as I felt like right at this very moment in time, I could not help but to be very angry as to what it was that she had just said to me in the first place, as I really had thought that I was in love with her, and she had torn me apart.
I knew that she was speaking on some thing altogether different than what it was that I was saying when I said that I loved her, which only made me feel even more upset as to what it was that she had said to me in the first place. The fact that she had come over to me to try to explain as to the reason that she had said no to me once, only made me feel even more upset, as I really felt like I wanted to punch some thing right now, and I wanted to punch it hard, as I did my best to just look away from Addison, as I knew that 1 punch from me would kill her.
I balled up my fist, as when I looked away from her, I spotted Samuel in the distance, not all too far away from her, as it was clear that he was waiting for her to get done talking to me. I was fairly certain that he knew as to what it was that we were talking about at the exact same time too, just by the smile that he had on his face. The guy was an absolute ass hole, as well as the fact that he was a prick. Some times I did want to tear that guy a new one, but of course, I knew that I would beat any human that I fought, so it was not all that fair.
I knew that Samuel was not a smart guy at all, but it was clear that he knew what it was that was going on with me and Addison right at this very moment in time, as it almost looked like he had been waiting for this moment. I knew that it was fairly obvious that I had a crush on her, so that was not all that much of a surprise to me at all. I balled up my fist once again, as I then looked away from him all at once, and back over to the lake.
Just thinking of the thought of drowning my self in that lake felt quite a bit enticing right at this very moment in time, as felt like I was almost about ready to walk under it. I knew that orcs could last several hours under the water, so I knew that my death was going to be very slow, as well as the fact that it would be very painful... But that would make it feel all the better for me right now.
I sighed, as I then shook off all of those thoughts all at once how ever, as I knew that I had a lot more to live for than a stupid girl. I had been told how a lot of girls were snakes, and how a lot of them used men. I hoped that it was different for the orcs, though at the exact same time too, I was not all too sure, based off of the stories that I had been told, that I wanted to go live out my life in an orc kingdom.
I was fairly certain that I would not fit in at one, as it scared me to even think on all of that at the exact same time too, as I then shook my head, doing my best to shake off all of those thoughts at the exact same time too, as I then got my focus on what it was that was going on right now, as I was that Addison had her eyes squinted at me. It kind of pissed me off that she did as well, as I felt like I should be the one that had my eyes squinted at her right now, as to what it was that she had just done.
I did in fact squint my eyes at her never the less, as I then saw her dip her head quite a bit low to the ground, as it was clear that she could not hang with me, which made me feel a lot better, as it was clear that I was the alpha, as I saw her then dio her head a bit low to the ground all of the sudden, as a smile then began to crack on my face, as I then looked at Samuel, smiling right over to him at the exact same time as well.
Just like Addison, it was clear that he could not handle that at all, as I then all of the sudden saw that he too dipped his head a bit low to the ground, making me feel better about all of it right at this very moment in time, as I then looked back over to Addison this time, with quite and angry look on my face, as I was fairly certain now that I was not friends with her any more, as I knew for a fact that I would not bring her to these things any more, if she was always going to be bringing that ass hole, Samuel, along with her.
That was the guy that she chose over me too. As I growled at her all of the sudden, though I did not mean too, as I saw her move back quite a bit, as she could tell that I was very angry, and it scared her quite a bit. It kind of made me feel a little bit better that it had scared her as well, as it was just like she had said to me at the exact same time too. 'you are an orc', so I suppose that I should act like one.
She looked over to Samuel, as if she thought that he was going to protect her right now, which was not the case at all, as he still had his head a bit low to the ground, from what it was that I had done earlier. This was making me feel a lot better, and a lot more angry right now, as I then breathed in a bit heavily to my self, and I then began to speak to her in quite a loud voice at the exact same time as well.
"It would have been okay... If you would have said any other name besides him... That guy is a fake, which means that you are a fake too... If you really did love me than you would not let the fact that I was an orc get in the way of that..." I said to her, as I saw quite a look of surprise on her face at the exact same time too, as if she would have thought that me, as an orc of course, would not be smart enough to think on some thing such as that. It was clear at the exact same time too, that every word that I had just said was in fact true, just based off of the look that I saw on her face right now. I could not help but to grin once again, as she once again dipped her head a little bit low to the ground, after what it was that I had just said to her in the very first place any ways. Right now, I was starting to feel like seeing the pain of a human right now, made me feel a lot better, just as I had been told that was how orcs were. What ever... I did not care at this point... Maybe it was time that I needed to act like an orc... I then nodded just a bit to my self, as I then all of the sudden began to speak up to her once again, as she blinked her eyes at me a few times, but she did in fact listen as to what it was that I had to say to her in the very first place any ways at the exact same time too. "We are not friends... Go away... I do not want to see your face any more..."
I said it with quite a bit of some power in to my voice, just as I had been told that was how my voice had sounded a lot of the time, which was due to the fact that I was an orc of course, which I was starting to think was now more a good thing than it was a bad thing at this point, if I was going to be completely honest with my self right now, as I grinned just a little bit to my self, as I then saw her move back a bit, as it was clear that she was in a fair bit of pain as to what it was that I had just said to her in the very first place as well.
I felt like every word that I had just said to her, was in front complete and full truth, as I did not feel bad about it one bit either. It was clear though, that what I had been told time and time again was that, 'the truth hurts', was in fact true as well. Addison squinted her eyes at me one last time, as she then nodded to me all of the sudden, as it was clear that she was going to listen as to what it was that I had said to her in the very first place any ways, as she then all of the sudden nodded to me, and she began to get up from the table that we had sat on for a while, and we had ate lunch at with all of my friends, as she then looked over to her new man, Samuel, as she began to walk over to him all of the sudden.
As soon as Samuel had seen her walk over to him, he then lifted his head up, as a smile then popped up on his, but the smile was not meant for me this time, as he was lucky that he had not looked at me this time when he had smiled, as I felt like I might actually do some thing to him at the exact same time as well, as I saw her stop right in front of him, as she then reached out to grab his hand, which of course he did not say no to.
I squinted my eyes, as the both of them did not look back at me at all as they began to head back to where ever it was that they felt like going to right now. Frankly, I did not care, as it made me feel sick as to all that she had said to me, as she had thought that it was going to make me feel better by continuously reminding me that I was an orc over and over again, but clearly that was not the case at all, as I had told her several times that I wanted to be treated like a man, not an orc.
It was clear that she did not care, and I felt like I should just get over it, and try to pretend like I did not care about her at all as well, though I did, so I knew that it was going to hurt me no matter what. It still made me feel a bit angry to even think on all of it still, as I then all of the sudden sighed to my self at the exact same time too, as I then saw that my friends, Ashton and Eldon were walking over to me, as I could see that they had guilty looks on their faces, as it was clear that they felt upset at them selves for supporting me like any good friend would.
I did not blame them for it at all how ever, as I was not all too sure as to who it was that I should blame right now. I knew that I could not blame Addison as to the fact that I was an orc, but it still did not mean that I wanted to be around her at all right now, as I knew that I had been quite a bit of an ass hole with what it was that I had said to her before she had gone and walked back over to her new man, Samuel.
That was what I wanted right now, if I was going to be honest with my self, was the fact that I just wanted to be alone, and I did not want any one around me right now, which included my best friends Eldon and Ashton. I blinked my eyes a few times, as I shook off all of those thoughts all at the exact same time too how ever, as I knew that it was probably for the best that they could support me in this current situation that I was in right now.
Ashton and Eldon sat down beside me, as I then saw Eldon grab a rock, and through it in to the lake, as it was clear that he was upset at him self as to the fact that he had been one of the ones that had convinced me that it was a good idea to ask her out. I did not blame him at all for any of it how ever, as I knew that he had simply only wanted me to be happy, and he had thought that it was a good idea, as he too had known that Addison was fond of me.
Just not fond enough to date me I suppose, as I too grabbed a rock, and I threw it in to the like, though my throw was a lot further than his, as I lost it out in the distance, as I did not even see it land in the water any where, as I wondered if it had some how got to the other side of the lake. I really doubted that, as they lake seemed to go on forever none the less, as I shook off all of those thoughts all at the exact same time too.
I turned my head over to Ashton, as I saw him open his mouth from the corner of my eye, as it was clear that he was the one that was about to speak to me in the very first place any ways, as I wanted to hear what it was that he had to say to me never the less as well, as he stopped him self for a few seconds, due to the fact that he saw me look at him before he had begun to speak, but after a few seconds of regaining control over him self, he did in fact nod to me all of the sudden.
I blinked my eyes a few times, as I then let out a bit of a soft sigh that only I could notice, as I then nodded back to him to let him know that I was listening as to what it was that he had to say to me in the very first place any ways. He blinked his eyes just a few times as well too, not to mock me or any thing, but more as to the fact that he was still thinking on a little bit as to what it was that he should say to me right now clearly.
After a few more seconds, I heard him let in a heavy sigh of breath, as he then did in fact begin to speak to me. I still was a little bit lost if I was not going to lie to my self right now, but I did in fact how ever, begin to listen as to what it was that he had to say to me in the very first place any ways none the less, as I locked my eyes with his, so that he knew as to the fact that I was listening to what it was that he had to say, as I knew a lot of the times I did in fact miss what it was that my friends said to me more often than not.
"She said no... Huh?" He said to me, just to make it clear that she had in fact said no to me of course, which it was fairly obvious at this point, the way that I had acted through out a lot of the day, that she had in fact said no to me, as it did in fact hurt me quite a bit due to that fact, as I know that I had a crush on her ever since she was younger, and I had seen her go through phases of dating men, and being alone. Now felt like it was the perfect chance for me, and I had just been shut down like I was a little kid once again. I sighed a bit to my self at just the thought of that even coming in to my head, as I then shook off all of those thoughts, and I kept my eyes on Ashton, as I then nodded to him all of the sudden, at the exact same time as well, to let him know that he had in fact been right with the statement that he had just said to me. I could tell that it hurt him a bit, as to the fact that she had said no, but he did not say any thing about that at all, as he then began to speak to me once again, as I blinked my eyes just a few times as well, as I then began to listen as to what it was that he had to say to me in the very first place any ways. "Well shit man... I am sorry... What did she say to you?"
I looked at him for just a few more moments, as I then let out quite a bit of a loud sigh, which I felt like even the people that were walking by had heard, as I saw them look over to me with a bit of a look of disgust on their face, as they then began to walk a little bit faster, to get as far away from me as possible, reminding me once again, for not the first time today, that I was in fact an orc.
Maybe some magic magician, or some wizard could cast a spell on me to turn me in to a human. Sure, I knew that I would lose a lot of my strengths, but at the exact same time too, I also knew that I would not have to worry about having a lot of people staring at me all of the time, as if I was some kind of a freak, and I would not have to be worried about the fact that every one around me would be afraid of me all of the time, and that perhaps, I actually could go after Addison.
Sadly that was not the case though, and the more that I began to think on all of that, I was starting to realize that I might not even want to go after Addison if that were to happen, as it did in fact seem like she was a bit of a fake, and every thing about her, and every thing that she had ever told me was not real at all. I felt like, if she actually did in fact truly love me, like she said that she had, than she would not have let her father's decision stop her from going after me.
I was angry, as I really just wanted to punch some thing right now, but I knew that I could not, especially with the fact that I had my 2 friends with my right now, and they were only here to support me through all that had just happened to me in the very first place any ways. I was glad for it at the exact same time as well, never the less, as a bit of a sad smile then popped up on my face, which I could tell confused the both of them quite a bit.
I did not blame them for that either, as I knew that Ashton and Eldon were waiting for me to respond as to what it was that he had just said to me, and it was clear that they were lost as to why any of it would put any sort of a smile on my face right now. I was not all too sure as to what it was that I was thinking right now, if I was going to be honest with my self, nor was I too sure as to why I was smiling right now.
I breathed in a bit of a heavy sigh all of the sudden, as I then looked over at Ashton, as he was the one that had just spoken to me of course, as I knew that he was the one that was waiting for me to respond as to what it was that he had just said to me in the very first place any ways. Ashton had his eyes locked on with mine, as we stared each other down for a little while longer, as if we were having a little bit of a staring contest.
After a little while longer how ever, I then nodded to him, to let him know that I was about to speak to him. He looked at me for just a few more seconds, but in the end he did in fact nod back to me, to let me know that he was listening as to what it was that I had to say to him in the very first place any ways. It made me feel just a little bit better, as I then did in fact begin to speak to him after just a little while longer.
"She didn't just tell me no... She repeatedly reminded me that I was an orc, and she also is dating that ass hole, Samuel..." I said, as I looked over to where it was that the both of them had been at, not all too long ago, as they had held hands with each other, as they then had walked off in to the distance, as if this was some sort of romantic play as well, which kind of made me feel sick to even think about the fact that not only was Samuel 'in love' with a girl too.
There was also the fact that the girl that he was in love with, not only happened to love him back, but also was the girl that I had thought that I had been in love with, but I was now starting to realize that none of it had been love at all, as though now that I realized that it was not real, it made me feel a little bit better, what did not make me feel all that good, was all of the time that I had wasted with that woman, whilst we had been alone, talking about what it was that was going on with our lives.
Yeah, I knew that her father was in fact controlling, and he was in fact a dick head, but still, I had told her time and time again, that she did not have to do all that he told her to do, as much as she thought that she had to. I sighed, as it was clear that she had not listened as to what it was that I had said to her at all, as I was sure that she was simply just using it as an excuse to get out of the fact that she was not in love with me, simply due to the fact that I was an orc of course.
It did not matter all that much to me any more, at this point how ever, as I then sighed quite a bit to my self, though it might be soft, I was sure that the both of them had heard it. I saw a look of disgust on the both of my friends faces, as to what it was that I had just said to them. At first, I was a little bit lost on what it was that I had even said in the first place, but as it then did in fact all of the sudden come back to me, and hit me quite a bit, I felt a bit sick my self too.
I stared down at the ground, as I now was starting to feel like, once again, that I just wanted to be alone, even if my friends were simply just here to help me through the pain that I was going through right now, it did not matter all that much to me at all, as I still was in fact in pain, no matter what the case was, and I knew that when I was in pain, it often some times turned in to anger, which I did not want to be around my friends for at all, as they had done nothing wrong at all.
I loved my friends, as they were the best friends that I felt like I could have ever asked for never the less, if I was not going to lie to my self, as I bit of a sad smile all of the sudden began to pop up on my face all at once too, as I then began to hear Eldon, to my surprise this time, then begin to start to speak to me, as I turned my head over to him, and I tilted my head a few times, a bit lost as to what was going on.
Eldon did not speak all too much, if I was not going to lie, but when he did speak, he usually gave me quite good advice, and the words that he said to me were wise as well. Even when he got shit faced drunk, he still did not speak all too much, which was why it was such a surprise to me right now, as to the fact that he was speaking to me, as I blinked my eyes a few times, still a bit lost by it.
I then nodded to Eldon how ever, to let him know that I still was listening as to what it was that he had to say to me either way. Eldon nodded back over to me, as it did not seem to bother him one bit, as to the fact that I had just nodded to him, as it was clear that he was not worried about the fact that I was an orc, thankfully enough, as I wish that every one else that was around me thought of me that way.
I sighed, as I knew that it was just not the case at all how ever, as I then shook off all of those thoughts, all at the exact same time as well, as I then looked at Eldon right in to his eyes, as he continued to speak to me, as he looked at me right in to mine, as I saw no sort of judgement as to the fact that I was an orc at all in those eyes. I breathed in a bit, as I then began to listen as to what it was that he had to say to me in the very first place any ways.
"Well... Me and Ashton we're thinking on some things... Talking about joining the army... Maybe you might want to join us?" He said to me, as I blinked my eyes just a few times, at the exact same time as well, as to what it was that he had just said to me in the very first place any ways, as it came as quite a bit of a surprise to me never the less, as I would not have thought that either of them would ever want to join the army. I started to think on what it was that he had said how ever, as I shook off the thoughts of the fact that they wanted to go in to the army any ways, as I began to think on the fact that I might be able to join the army. I was not going to lie to my self, a part of me thought that it sounded quite a bit cool, but at the exact same time too, I was not all too sure as to the fact that they would want an orc to join the army, when I knew that most of the time, we were going to be fighting against other orcs, and killing them. That was what scared me quite a bit, if I was not going to lie, was mostly the fact that I would have to kill orcs. Hell... For all I know, as soon as I walked in to that place, and they saw that I was an orc, they might just kill me on the spot. I did not want to think too deep on any of that how ever, as I then shook off all of those thoughts, as I then once again began to hear Eldon start to speak to me once again, as I lifted my head up, and I then began to listen as to what it was that he had to say to me in the very first place any ways. "I know that they might not want to let you in, well, obviously, like you said... You are an orc... But you could talk them in to it though... You have a lot of strengths because of that..."
I looked at him for a few moments, as I blinked my eyes just a few times at the exact same time as well, as I tilted my head a little bit, quite a bit interested on what it was that he had said to me in the first place any ways, as I was starting to think that it just could so perhaps be a very good idea never the less. I knew that thinking if the strengths that I had, would not be all too hard for me, as one of the strengths that I had, was of course, my strength.
I also felt like, just based off of the fact that my father was a part of the army, and a lot of people knew that I was his son, they might want to let me in, and I might also be able to join his own group in the army as well, which would make it even more cool. I smiled just a little bit to my self, all at the exact same time too, as I was not going to lie, I was starting to get excited on that fact, as it all was starting to play through my head right now.
It very well could be a bad idea, and I knew it, but at the exact same time too, I felt like it could be a good idea, and just based off of what it was that had just happened with me and Addison, I was not going to lie, I kind of just wanted to get as far away from this place as possible. I had a lot of thoughts that were going on through my mind right now, and I felt like I should not just go make a decision right now, just based off of how I was feeling in the moment.
I knew that my best best was to go back home, and talk to my father about all of it, as I knew that he was always the one that gave me the best advice, as even if Eldon was wise, I knew that my father knew a lot more about the world, and he was even more wise that Eldon might be. I shivered just a little bit at the exact same time too as well, as I then looked right back at Eldon, as I then thought of what it was that I was going to say, as I nodded to him all of the sudden.
Eldon was quite a bit surprised, as well as the fact that I could tell that he was excited as to what it was that I was about to say to him. I blinked my eyes a few times, as I almost wanted to laugh, as I felt like in the end he was going to be disappointed that I was not going to tell him just yet, as I then all of the sudden, finally, I began to speak back to my friend, as he listened as to what it was that I had to say as well.
"It sounds cool and all... I think the best way to think on it though, is to not be so angry, and to just get back home and sleep..."