The Orc With A Heart

Chapter 6: Why Are We Here?

I woke up, drenched in sweat, which was a normal thing for me when I woke up in the morning, except for the fact that it was cold in the room that I was in right now, which of course, was my bed room. That was not what my thoughts were on at all right at this very moment in time how ever, as I had my focus more on the fact of the dream that I had just had, as it was quite a strange one, if I was not going to lie to my self, as it did make me feel quite a bit cold never the less.
I was a bit lost as to what it was that I had even seen, well, I suppose, I had not seen any thing at all, which was for sure not a normal dream for me, as it was more of the fact as to what it was that I had heard. It seemed so familiar to me, but I could not put the pieces together, to under stand as to what it was in the very first place any ways. That was what made it feel so cold, and so strange to me, was the fact that the voices that I had heard in my dream, were in fact the voices of some orcs.
I had never met another orc, besides my self in my entire life, so I had not a single clue as to what it was that just so happened to be so familiar to me in the first place. Did it have some thing to do with my father? I know that he had met plenty of orcs in his life time, and there was a lot of stuff that they had done, and a lot that they had said. Perhaps that was a memory of his, that was going through my own head. At the exact same time too how ever, I then shook off all of those thoughts just as soon as I had thought on them, as I knew that I was not related to my father at all, so that did not seem to make any sort of sense to me.
It had not taken me all that long for me to find out that I was not related to my father either, as I had always been told that I was an orc when I was a lot more of a young orc. It was just kind of a given between us, so I did not ever ask any sort of questions. I had been tempted to ask about my mother, or even my father none the less, but I felt like he would not tell me all too much about any of that how ever, as it usually tended to bring him to the thoughts of his wife that had passed away, which I knew had hurt him a lot.
I let out quite a soft sigh at the exact same time too, as I did my best to get my focus off of all of those thoughts, all at the same time as well, as I knew that I should not think all too much on any of that at all, as I knew that I needed to just keep my focus on what it was that I had been planning on doing in the very first place any ways. Besides, the more that I thought on all of it, the more that I began to realize that I did not remember a single word of what it was that the orcs had said in that dream, in the very first place either, as it was as if the dream had never happened.
It was all such a blur to me at this point, as perhaps none of it ever had happened, and I had just imagined it in my head, as it could have just been simply some thing that my brain was trying to tell me, to try to get me off of all of the thoughts of joining the army, due to the fact that I was scared of having to kill my own kind. I was not scared of it at all how ever, and I knew it. I had been told how terrible my species was, and some of the things that they did, so I felt like I needed to prove that I was not like them.
Was that all that it was though? Was it just some thing that I had felt like I had needed to prove? No... A lot of it had to do with the fact that Addison, had said no to me, due to the fact that I was an orc, and I was a little bit embarrassed about it, as well as the fact that I had felt a bit bad for blowing up like that, just due to the fact that she had said no to me, due to the fact that I was an orc of course. I kind of just wanted to get as far away as I possibly could, and I also knew at the exact same time too, that I could not just rely on my father for the rest of my life either.
At some point, I had to grow up, and at some point I had to start to do my own things, and right now, this felt like this was the perfect chance, and the perfect opportunity to do such a thing as that, as I knew that I was going to be joining my best friends in this, so there was no possible way that this could go bad for me at all. At the same time too, I also felt like it was a bad idea to try to jinx my self as well, as I knew that I should just be happy with the chance that I had to do some thing about all of this, and I could not blow it, kind of like it felt like I often did with every thing else in my miserable life.
I shook off all of those thoughts all at the exact same time too, as I saw that the sun was rising up in the sky, though it was a bit dark still, as I could see through the window that was in front of me. Luckily I had not slept as much as the night before, though I felt like a lot of that had been merely due to the fact that for one, I had got drunk as all hell, and also the other thing was as well, was the fact that I had stayed up way later than I should have, and I had got back home and made a bit of a ruckus, which I was for sure had woke up my father from his sleep.
I let out a bit of a soft sigh once again, as I then began to roll out of bed at the exact same time too. I felt like I should not dwell on all of it all too much, as I knew that, if all went well, and I did in fact get to go in to the army, than my father would not have to worry about me for all too much longer, and he would not have to deal with all of the nasty looks that he got when he walked down the streets of the town, as I knew that he got a bunch of looks of disgust, as to the fact that he was raising an orc.
I knew that he was not all too worried about any of that, as much as it might get in to my own head. There was one thing that I knew for sure bothered him of course, which was all of the bad tendencies that I got my self in to at the exact same time as well, which I kind of felt like was a normal thing for an orc, as I had been told a lot about the orcs, and some of the things that they did to humans, and some of the dark things that they did as well. I was nothing compared to the other orcs, but at the exact same time too, I also knew that it did not mean that I was a perfect person by any means what so ever.
As I some times often felt like I was in fact a terrible person, just due to some of the things that I had done. I knew that I was nothing compared to the rest of my species, but it still did not make me feel any better. I had not ever done any thing to purposely harm some one both in the physical, and mental aspect at the very least, but I still felt like I was a bad person, due to some of the stuff that I had got my self in to, that I hoped that I could one day get my self out of all of that stuff.
I rolled my eyes a little bit, as I then at the exact same time too, began to move my hands on my eyes, to get my eyes used to the fact that I had just woken up for one thing, but also the other thing was the fact that there was a bit of some light, from the sun glaring down on me at this very moment in time. Once I had wiped my eyes a bit, I then began to put on a fresh pair of clothes to put in to, as I knew that I wanted to be wearing some thing at least some what decent, if I was going to go in to a job interview, such as my father had told me.
I knew this was a bit more of a different job than I might be expecting it to be, but it still was a job like it or not, and it was some thing that I had to take a bit seriously. I still had a bit of some fear of even going in to the army, but at the exact same time too, if my best friends were going to be joining, than it would leave me here, alone, with not all that much left to do, and I already felt like I was miserable as it was, so I knew for a fact that I could not stand the fact that I would have to live out on my own with no one around me.
I felt like I bit of an idiot, just due to the fact that I knew that I was a bit of a clingy person, but it was what it was at this point, and there was not all that much that I could do about it, if I was going to be completely honest with my self, as I dipped my head a bit low to the ground, as I knew that it still did not make me feel any better about all of this at the exact same time too, as I then shook my head once again, before I put on the last part of my clothing, so that I was ready to meet my friends at the park that we always hung out at, so that we could talk more about our plans in all of this.
Once all of that was done, I then nodded to my self this time, as I felt a little bit better about my self, as I then began to walk over to the front door of my bed room, ready to leave at this point, as I wondered if I would ever come back to my home. I felt like a bit of an idiot at the exact same time too, for thinking that I would not, as I knew that just because I was going to be in the army, it did not mean that I would not be able to come back home from war, and not be able to see my father at all.
My father was in great shape at the exact same time too, so I really was not all that worried as to the fact that he might die some time in the near future, as I let out a bit of a soft sigh all at the exact same time as well, as I gulped at the exact same time too, trying to not get all too worried about all of this, as I knew that I should not be as freaked out as I was right now, as I knew that every thing was going to be fine, and that every thing was going to turn out okay for me, as I then nodded a bit to my self once again, before I then began to head down the stairs, hearing my father walking around down stairs him self right now.
I let out a bit of a soft sigh of relief, as I was glad that I was not going to be waking him up a bit early this morning, as it seemed like he had already got his needed sleep, and that he was going to be okay for the day, and that there was not all too much that I needed to be worried about for him at all right now, as I knew that some times, which was a bit of a rare occasion, I did wake up before him in the mornings, and I felt a bit bad each and every time that I had to go down the stairs, as I knew that my foot steps were insanely loud, and I knew that they were destined to wake him up no matter what the case was.
It was more the fact that I did that in the night, rather than in the early morning, as I knew that I liked to sleep in most of the time. Thankfully I did not sleep in at all today though, as I knew that I needed to get to the park and meet the both of my friends there, so that we could talk more on the fact that I was thinking about joining them in the army, which the more that I thought on it, the more that I realized that they were right with what it was that they had said about me being let in for sure because I was an orc, as I knew for a fact that I was stronger than any other human.
I let out a bit of a rough, and a bit of a soft sigh, all at the exact same time as well, as I then began to go down the stairs, not really wanting to get the attention of my father, as I really did not want to talk to him any more than I already had, about the fact that I was going to be joining the army, as I knew that I was destined to get his attention as soon as I was to begin to walk down the stairs, as I knew there was nothing that I could do at all, to stop my self from having the very loud foot steps that I had, in this old a creaky house.
I shook my head, as I shook off all of those thoughts, all at the exact same time as well, as I figured that I should not get my self all too worried about any of that how ever, and I should not get my self too tangled up in all of that mess either, as I knew that fairly soon that I would not have to worry about any of that at all, and fairly soon from now, neither would my father, I knew as much as he loved me, he could not wait for me to get out of this house, and for me to be out on my own, such as every father was for their son, so it really did not bother me all too much at all, at the exact same time too.
I let out a bit of a rough sigh this time, as I then began to get down the the last, and the bottom step all of the sudden, as I then heard the clamping of my father walking around, as if he was the orc, rather than I was, as he then stopped all of the sudden, as he realized that I had already got up, and that I was about to join him down the stairs. I really had not eaten all that much the day before, and I felt like my father, was going to make a bit of a good breakfast for me at the exact same time too.
As much as I might be in a rush to go and meet my friends, I felt like at the exact same time too, that I could not say no to one of the meals that my father was going to cook for me, as I let out a bit of a rough and a soft sigh all at the exact same time too, and I then began to walk in to the kitchen, such as I had done yesterday morning, as I saw that my father was already looking at me, before I had even walked in to the room with him, which kind of embarrassed me at the exact same time too, and it also brought shivers down my spine for some reason.
I suppose, that I had some idea as to the reason that it had brought shivers down my spine how ever, as I knew that I had told him all about my plans to go and join the army just last night, as I knew that as much as he was going to support me in all of that, I knew that he did not like being in the army him self, and some of the dark, and some of the evil things that he had felt like he had done when he had been in the army in the very first place any ways.
I felt like I was going to have to do a bit of that stuff at the exact same time too, but I already had planned my self for all of that how ever, so I really was not all too worried about any of that at all. It was almost as if I already was a bit of a normal orc, in the fact that I had no sort of emotion at all, and no sort of regret for a lot of what it was that I was about to do, and a lot that I was going to have to do once I was in the army in the very first place any ways, which was of course, at the exact same time as well, true.
I have as like a normal orc in some kind of aspects, such as the fact on things like that, as I felt no sort of remorse for some of the things that I would have to do once I was in there. I did not feel bad for any of it at all, and yes, I knew that I was going to have to go and kill some of my own species, and as much as I wanted to say that they might be a bit innocent, I also knew at the exact same time too, that if I thought those kind of thoughts at the exact same time as well, than I would be lying to my self, as I knew that orcs were not innocent at all in fact, and orcs had done a lot more evil than any human had.
I shook off all of those thoughts all at the exact same time too how ever, as I then sat down at the table, seeing that there were some biscuits that my father had made, perhaps not for me, but of course, there was no one else that it could be for, besides him self, as me and him were the only ones that lived in this house in the very first place any ways. I let out another soft sigh, as I then shook off all of those thoughts as well, as I then began to hear the voice of my father, as I then realized that he was starting to speak up to me at the exact same time as well.
"Zin... I've got some fresh biscuits for you..." He said to me, as I looked at my father right in to his eyes, as I could tell for a fact, that he had some thing in his mind right now, as it seemed like it might not be some thing that he wanted to tell me at all. I was a bit worried for my father, but then again, when was I not worried for my father, as it felt like I was worried about him a lot of the time. He was getting older of course, even if he did not look to be at all, as he seemed to be in better shape than he ever was, but of course, at the exact same time as well, there had to be a reason that he was retiring from the army, as I was sure that for one thing, he felt like he could not handle it any more, but for another thing, there was also the fact that he felt like he did not want to be a part of the evil that was going on for any longer. I really did not care about any of it at all if I was not going to lie to my self, as I felt like the orcs had it coming, and I felt like, even if it was going to bother me at first, as to the fact that I was going to have to kill an orc or two, eventually I would get used to it, such as my father had. I let out a bit of a soft sigh to my self, all at the exact same time as well, as I then once again lifted my head up, realizing that my father was starting to speak to me once again, whilst at the exact same time as well, I also knew that I had to responded to what it was that he had said to me not all too long ago, in the very first place any ways. "I know that you are still wanting to join the army son... I am sure that is what your thoughts are on... You will be paid more, but you will lose a lot of your soul if you go in there..."
I looked at my father right in to his eyes at the exact same time too, as to what it was that he had said to me in the very first place any ways. I felt no sort of remorse at all, for what it was that I was about to do, as I knew that he was in fact right with what it was that he had just said, and it would be true for any other person besides me. The reason why it was not true at all for me, was due to the fact that I was an orc, and I had been told time and time again, that orcs were born with out a soul.
I knew that it was true as to what it was that was said about orcs at the exact same time as well, as I really did not feel bad about a single thing that I had done, or ever did. I did not feel bad for the fact as to the way that I had acted at all to Addison yesterday at all, as the only reason that I was not wanting to be any where near her, was more due to the fact that I was a bit embarrassed to do such a thing for one thing, but also the other thing was the fact that I did not want to be any where near her, due to the fact that I knew that I did not want to be any where near her new boy friend at all either.
I knew that he was going to shove it in my face, and he was going to brag about the fact that Addison loved him, but she did not love me at all, such as it felt like he always did when it came to shit like that, which was a lot of the reason that I did not like to be around him all that much, as well as the fact that he was for sure not one of the guys that I could call my friends at all. I did not want to be any where near him at all if I was going to be honest with my self, as the only reason that I was, was due to the fact that I was kind of forced in to it, due to the fact that I knew that Addison was friends with him for some dumb reason or another.
Soon to be her husband, the way things seemed to be going for me at this very moment in time, as I did my best to try to shake off all of those thoughts all at once, as I knew that I should not be all too much fixated in all of that, as I knew that I needed to be my self, and I needed to live that way that I wanted to live. I wanted to be with my friends a lot of the time, which was a lot of the reason that I wanted to join the army in the very first place any ways, as I did not want to lose my friends.
It was not just the fact that I was worried about them dying, but at the exact same time too, it was also the fact that I knew that I would hardly ever get to see them any more. There was a good chance that they would die of course, if they did go in to the army, as I was still quite a bit shocked as to the fact that my father had ever managed to make it as far as he had, as I knew for a fact that my father was a very strong man with out any sort of doubt in my mind at all, as I let out a bit of a soft sigh all at the exact same time too, as I did my best to try to not get my self focused on all of that.
If my friends were going to die in the army, than they were going to die at my side, and I knew that I would make sure that it was not the case if I was in the army with them, as I knew that I had to be by their side a lot of the time, as I did not want to risk losing their lives. I knew that I was sure to make some more friends, but those friends were friends that I had with me since day 1, and I was not going to join the army at all, if they did not let us in the same legion with one another.
I nodded a bit to my self all at the exact same time too, as I then got my focus off of all of that, all at the exact same time as well, as I then got my focus on the fact that my father had in fact just spoken to me, and I acted like I had not heard a word that I had just said to him, as if I might be a bit upset with him right now, which was not the case at all, as I saw a bit of a sad, as well as a bit of a worried look on his face, as soon as I lifted my head up, and I looked him right in to his eyes.
I let out a bit of a soft sigh all at the exact same time too, as I then all of the sudden nodded to him this time, to let him know that I was about to speak to him at the exact same time too. My father blinked his eyes just a few times, as if he might be a little bit lost, but in the end, he did in fact nod back to me, to let me know that he was in fact paying attention to what it was that I had to say to him in the very first place any ways, which of course, did in fact make me feel just a little bit better about all of this, as I then did in fact begin to speak to him all of the sudden, now that I knew that he was listening to me right now.
"I don't think I ever had a soul... I am an orc after all... I think I will be just fine, and I am sure that I will be alright... I will do my best to see you when ever I get near the city... Thanks for making me some biscuits, I will take some on the way out... I made a promise that I was going to go and see my friends, and talk to them all about the fact as to what it was that we are going to do in the first place too." I said to him, as I knew that it was a lot to say to him all at once, all at the exact same time as well, as I felt a bit bad for putting so much pressure on him.
I knew that he had plenty of other things to worry about, at least that was what I thought, as I was not all too sure any more, now that I knew that he had just retired from the army. Either way, I did not want to put any stress on him at all, as I did my best to try to not focus in on all of that, all at the exact same time as well, as I instead got my focus on what it was that I had just said to him in the very first place any ways, as I did in fact remember that I had made a bit of a promise that I was going to go and meet my friends at the park, and I did not want to be late, such as I had been yesterday.
I grabbed my self a biscuit, as I knew that my father was a good cook, as I knew that he had learned a lot from his now dead wife, as it kind of made me sick to even think on all of that like that at the exact same time as well, as I let out a bit of a soft sigh, and I did my best to try to shake off all of those thoughts from my head, all at the exact same time as well, as I then nodded just a little bit to my self all of the sudden, and I then began to lift my self off of the chair that I had been sitting at, as it was the only chair for me to sit at, as I knew that the rest of them were going to break if I sat on them.
It was as if I was a fat man, which was not the case at all, due to the fact that I was not a man at all, like it or not, as I let out quite a bit of a soft sigh all at the exact same time too, and I then turned my head over to the hall way that was not all too far ahead of me right at this very moment in time, as I then all of the sudden nodded to my self, as I knew that was where it was that I needed to go right now, and that was what it was that I needed to keep my focus on right now, right at this very moment in time as well, as I then let out quite a bit of a rough sigh, and I then began to head over to the hall way.
I felt a bit bad to be leaving my father hanging, as I knew that felt like a lot of what it was that I was doing to him as of late, as I felt like I needed to have a day where it was just me and him at some point in the near future, where we could just talk to one another about things, and about life in general, which felt like might not ever happen at all, if I was going to be in the army. It was not at all the fact that I was worried that my father might die in the near future, as I knew that he was in perfect health, and that there was nothing at all that was wrong with him.
It was more the fact that my I knew that I might not be able to get to see my father all that much, and I was sure that the time that I had to spend with him, I knew that he did not want to waste it on any sort of useless conversation at all to him, as I let out a bit of a soft sigh once again, as I did my best to shake off all of those thoughts, all at the exact same time as well, as I knew that I was not leaving just yet either, and I was sure that what ever it was that he felt like he wanted to say to me, he would have plenty of time to say it to me over the next few days, as I knew that I was not going to be put in to the army right away, at least, that was the hope, as I once again did not want to jinx my self at all, either.
I shook off all of those thoughts, as I then began to head in to the hall way that led over to where the front door of the house was, where it was that I was about to walk through, so that I could go and meet my friends at the park not all too long from now, as I then nodded to my self, and I stared down the hall way, over at the door way, as soon as I got in the hall way, as I had a bit of a blank look on my face, all at the exact same time as well, as I felt no sort of emotion at all, as to what it was that I was about to go and do. They were right with what it was that they had said about me... I was an orc, and I did not have any sort of a soul at all.
I felt a bit sick, as to even having those kind of thoughts in the first place, as I did my best to try to shake all of it off, all at the exact same time as well, as I then took a bite in to the yummy biscuit that my father had made for me this morning, as I then shook my head, shaking off all of those thoughts all at the exact same time too, before I then began to head over to where it was that I was going now, which was of course the door way that led to the streets that I knew I was going to get a bunch of nasty looks from total strangers from, just due to the fact that I was of course an orc.
I did my best to try to not get all too focused on all of that how ever, as I let out a bit of a rough, and a bit of a soft sigh, all at the exact same time as well, as I then began to get my focus on the thoughts as to why I was going to go down the streets, and the fact that I was going to go and meet my friends over at the park, as I then nodded to my self, all at the exact same time as well, as I then was about to go and head over to the door way, through the hall way that I was standing in right at this very moment in time, until I then began to hear the voice of my father, as he once again, began to speak up to me, all at the exact same time as well, as I tilted my head just a bit, but I did in fact nod to him, to let him know that I was of course, listening as to what it was that he had to say in the very first place any ways.
I then rolled my eyes a bit, as I did in fact just want to go and get all of this started, but I knew that my father was about to speak to me, and I did in fact of course, have to listen as to what it was that he was about to say to me in the very first place, at the exact same time as well, as I then squinted my eyes at him, as I waited for him to go ahead and start to speak to me, in the very first place any ways. My father had a bit of a blank look on his face for just a little while longer, but I. The end, he did in fact nod back to the, as he did in fact, at the exact same time as well, begin to start to speak to me, as I listened as to what it was that he had to say to me in the very first place as well.
"Well... I wish you the best of luck in all of that son... I love you a lot, even if you are an orc... You are still my son, and do not ever forget about that... Good bye son..." He said to me, almost as if he thought that I was about to leave, and never be back him self, such as the kind of thoughts that I had in my head not all too long ago, which I felt like was not the case at all, surely, right? I was not all too sure, as I did not know all too much about the army at all, as I really did not like to ask my father all too much about any of that, just due to the fact that I knew that my father was having to go around and kill a bunch of my own species.
It made me feel quite a bit sick, as I felt a bit bad for the fact that he had to do such a thing, as I knew that my father did in fact love much, as much as it felt like at often times, he did not at all, which I knew that he did, as I knew that a lot of the things that he said to me was a bit harsh, but it did in fact make me grow as a person, and it at least made me feel a bit like a human at the very least, which I knew did in fact make me feel a bit bad to think that way, as I knew that like it or not, I was not a human, and I never would be.
I let out a bit of a rough sigh, as well as a bit of a soft sigh all at the exact same time as well, as I remembered that my father had in fact just spoken to me in the very first place any ways, as that was in fact, of course, the reason that I was looking at him, at this very moment in time, in the very first place any ways, as I then nodded to my father all at the exact same time as well, to let him know that I had heard as to what it was that he had just said to me in the very first place any ways.
Even if I did not like it at all, I never liked to leave my father alone, as it hurt me to see him gone, as I knew that like it or not, he was lonely when he was in the army, and he had been lonely ever since he had lost his wife, as I always did my best to try to fill that void for him as best as I could, but it did not mean that it worked at all, sadly enough for me. I shook off all of those thoughts all at the exact same time as well how ever, as I knew that I really should not be all too much focused on that at all, as I knew that my father had in fact once told me, 'do not get worried about me... I am fine... I always will be... You need to be focused on your self...'
I felt a bit bad for it, but at the exact same time too, I also knew that he was right, as I had my eyes on my father right at this very moment in time, as I did in fact get my focus on what it was that was even going on in the very first place any ways, as I then got my focus on all of it, as I saw that my father no longer had his eyes on me any more, sadly enough, as I saw that he was doing some thing altogether completely different right now, which was of course the fact that he was cooking some thing on the stove.
It smelled very good too, as I knew that he often times got a lot of his food from the diner that I had been at, just the day before, as that was where a lot of the best food in the whole wide world seemed to come from. He cooked it a bit better than the diner at the same time as well, as I knew that I had often times asked why he had not gone to go be a cook, rather than go be in the army. His wife had always wanted to be a cook, as that was what she always aspired to be when she got older, but sadly, no one would hire her for simply the stupid reason that she was a woman.
I shook my head, as I did my best to get all of those thoughts from out of my head, all at the exact same time as well, as I then began to turn my head back over to the front door all at the exact same time too, as I knew that my focus did not need to be on that at all right at this very moment in time, as I knew that my focus needed to be on the fact that I had to go and see my friends at the park right now, as I was fairly certain that at this point, with how long I had been standing in this hall way, that they were waiting on me right now, such as they had been, just the day before now.
I shook my head, as I shook off all of those thoughts from my head at the exact same time too, as I then began to walk down the hall way, all at the same time too, right over to the front door, which seemed to be calling me over to it, as if it wanted me to go and join the army with my friends, which I still felt like I was a bit hesitant about at the exact same time as well, like it or not, as I still was not all too sure if that was the best option for me just yet. But of course... What was it that was going to be my best option, as I knew for a fact that I did not want to become a farmer for sure.
I sighed, as I got my focus off of all of those thoughts, all at the exact same time as well, as I then began to open the door way to my home, as I saw that the sun was staring right in to my eyes, right at this very moment in time, which did in fact hurt my eyes a bit, but I got my eyes used to it all at the exact same time as well, as I knew that I was a bit behind schedule, once again, and I knew that I needed to hurry up and get to the park, before my friends were to get upset at me, that they had to wait on me once again.
I did not want them to be upset at me at all right now, as I felt like at this very moment in time, that this as a point in my life when I needed to have my friends by my side for sure, as I then shook off all of that all at once, and I got my eyes on the diner that was ahead of me all at once, as I could see that Paris was walking around in it, working as a person at the front, as it seemed to be for today, as I was a bit tempted to head in to there, and talk to her about all of this, but at the exact same time too, I also knew that it was a bad idea, as I knew that she would shun me for the fact that I was going to go and join the army, as I knew for a fact that she did not like war at all.
I did not like war either, but at the same time too, I also knew that it was a bit of a necessity, and it was some thing that was going to happen no matter what the case was, as I knew that the leadership in this world was cruel, and it was evil, and the sides were not going to get along to matter what, as I knew that evil was not friends with other evil, as I had come to find out at this point. I still felt a bit bad, and a bit sick about all of it, but I still did my best to not focus in on all of those thoughts for too much longer, as I then began to walk over to the park, with a bit more of a clear mind set, as I knew that was what I needed to be like, if I was going to be joining the army of course, which I had already made up my mind at this point, that it was going to be the case no matter what.