heal// 5SOS

34

tw/ implies self harm
Luke

In the middle of the night Sage ran through in tears, and crawled into the bed, twisting themselves into the duvet. They were shaking, and couldn't breathe, startling me awake.

Bad dream.

Calum kept the lives of his kids pretty private from us all beyond achievements or nice activities, but from what I had gathered, Sage wasn't usually the one to have bad dreams this badly.

It was hard to calm them down, but they eventually fell back to sleep bundled in my arms and lots of covers which I then removed so they didn't get too hot.

My alarm woke us both us in the morning  and I shut it off, grumbling.

"You can go back to sleep,"

"I'm so tired,"

"We don't need to be up for a while,"

"I'm so tired," they repeated, beginning to cry, "I hate everything,"

"You should go back to sleep,"

"I wish I could sleep forever,"

"Well, you have a couple of hours,"

They sniffed and got out of the bed, walking through the bathroom back to their own room. A heaviness hit my chest as I rolled over to go back to sleep and remembered everyone else in hospital, and the phone call from Dr Fahri last night.

I had no idea Sage was at this point, and I wondered if Calum had known either. I claimed to be so close to him but suddenly felt so distant.

Suddenly, I couldn't sleep anymore.

Checking my phone for any messages, I went downstairs and made myself a coffee, sitting on the sofa with a blanket. Inside I felt dread. The love I had for the kids was beyond measurable, but the thought if this all made me numb. Probably because it should be Cal who got to see them, not me. Gia could never spend more than a night with me.

What if this lasted months?

"Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry,"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I made a mistake,"

"What kind of mistake? Here, come and sit,"

They shook their head and pulled their sleeves down, their face pale.

"I'm gonna get ready to leave,"

"Okay, what can I get you for breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry,"

"I'll make toast,"

"No, Luke,"

"You have to eat something,"

"Fine,"

I put toast in for us both and then took it upstairs to their room; the curtains were shut, there were clothes and items all over the floor, and the bed wasn't made.

It was very different to the rest of the house that was sparkling clean and relatively tidy.

"It's just on your desk," I called, "We will go in about 30 minutes,"

"Okay,"

I took my toast to Calum's room and ate it on the bed, texting Gia who had just woken up. She seemed a little upset about being in the hospital still, but I reassured her that I would get there shortly.