Find a Light (JenLisa Adaptation)

29

With trembling knees and a tingling in her chest, Jennie slowly ascended the stairs, taking slow and steady breaths to calm her racing heart. Breathe in, breathe out. In and out, Jennie. In and out. It wasn't that hard. But just the sheer thought of seeing Lisa was driving her insane. What if she didn't even want to see her? What if she didn't know that Rosé had called her? Oh God, what if... what if Lisa hated her now? Jennie's hand tightened on the banister as she stopped at the top of the stairs, taking in another deep breath.

Bullshit. It wasn't her fault. She didn't do anything wrong. Neither did Lisa. They didn't do anything forbidden. With that thought in mind, Jennie took the remaining steps towards Lisa's apartment, towards the door she camped out in front of half of the night. But this time, the door stood open. But instead of Lisa, Rosé was standing in the doorway, sending her a weak smile.

"Hey Jennie."

The look on Rosé's face suddenly made her want to burst into tears. What was that in her eyes? Pity? No, she wouldn't cry... yet. In and out, Jennie. Just breathe slowly.

"Hey," she muttered, lips forming the best smile she could manage right now, which was almost nothing more than a slight twitch of her lips. Rosé reached out to touch her arm and pulled her into the apartment. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." Both of them knew it was a lie but neither Jennie nor Rosé dared to acknowledge that out loud. While Rosé closed the door, Jennie took a good look around the room, pictures scattered around everywhere.

Pictures of Lisa and Nicole and a couple of other people, and of... and of Nicole. Mostly Nicole. Jennie swallowed. "I um, should probably clean up a bit," Rosé said quietly, her small blue eyes darting across the room, "Lisa is in the hall."

Jennie glanced to where Rosé was pointing then back at the taller woman. "In the hall?"

"Yeah. She's been sitting there the entire time. I don't know... I don't know why."

She should go there now. Talk to her. That's what she wanted. She wanted to talk to Lisa, she wanted to understand what had happened, she wanted Lisa to explain it to her. So why didn't she move? She tore her eyes away from the doorway that led to the little hall and watched Rosé lean down to pick up the pictures, one by one. "I'll... I'll just help you with that real quick."

Everything was better than to have her heart crushed again and even though she knew she actually came here to talk to Lisa, Jennie kneeled down and picked up the pictures, just to prolong the inevitable. "You... don't have to. I'll manage."

"No, no, just... let me help you." Jennie tried to hide her desperation in her voice but Rosé seemed to notice. The silver haired woman shuffled over to her and laid a hand on her shoulder, making Jennie instantly stop and look up at her. "It will be okay." She assured softly but Jennie had a hard time believing her words.

What if it wouldn't be okay? How could Rosé say that if she couldn't give her a guarantee for it? So Jennie ignored her and bent her head, continuing to collect the photos. But after some minutes there wasn't anything to clean up anymore and Jennie found herself standing on her feet, Rosé putting her jacket on and getting ready to leave. The silver haired woman's lips formed a small smile as she turned to Jennie.

"I'm going to leave you two alone now," she said and gave Jennie's arm a squeeze before she slowly walked to the door, "If you need anything... just call."

"Thanks, Rosie." And then she was gone, letting the door fall into the lock behind her and leaving Jennie in the quiet apartment. Now was the time, Jennie thought and hesitantly looked at the doorway that would lead her to the woman who took over her whole life.