Find a Light (JenLisa Adaptation)

14

Watery eyes stared straight ahead, pale hands grasped each other so tightly that Jennie was almost afraid that bones would shatter soon. Her mouth sucked in a slow breath but other than that, no other sound got over her lips.

Jennie didn't really know what to expect when she stood in front of the door but somehow... not this. The door had swung open and revealed a disheveled Lisa, blank expression on her face.

Wordlessly she had stepped away from the doorway and walked to the sofa, slowly sitting down on it. Jennie had stepped in, quietly closed the door behind her and walked over to where Lisa was sitting, she too taking a seat after a moment of reluctance.

Not a word had been spoken since then, not from Lisa, not from Jennie. But now, almost fifteen minutes in this heavy silence, Jennie decided she couldn't take it anymore. "Lisa?"

Her voice sounded so loud to her own ears, Lisa's name crashing into the quiet room, even though Jennie was almost whispering, "Lisa, do you... can I do anything for you?"

Lisa slightly shook her head and took another deep breath before she finally turned towards Jennie. Her head turned slowly, her eyes settling on Jennie's. "It was four years ago," she croaked out, softly, "Four years ago... she just left me all alone."

Jennie felt her heart crack when the words left Lisa's lips and a lone tear trickled down her pale cheek. Lisa quickly wiped it away but it wouldn't take long until the next ones would escape.

As if she was suddenly ashamed of Jennie, Lisa quickly turned her head away, to the other side, and shifted on the sofa, nails digging into the flesh of her hands.

Absentmindedly Jennie wondered, if Lisa even felt the sharp sting of her nails or if she already was too far gone emotionally to feel physical pain.

In a quick moment of courage, the feline eyed woman reached out and laid her hand on top of Lisa's tightly fused together ones, softly running the pad of her thumb against her skin. Her hand relaxed instantly at Jennie's touch, causing for them to limply lie in Lisa's lap. "I don't know what to do, Jennie."

A shaky inhale. "Every day is just so... hard and... I just don't know what to do about it. With every year that she's gone... I relive that whole week over and over again."

Jennie stayed quiet, her entire attention reserved for Lisa as her thumb continued its soothing motions. Teary eyes closed briefly, head slowly shaking from side to side. "I still remember everything so clearly and I just wish that I didn't. I just want to forget the way she just... slipped away even though I held on to her with all that I was, I... I just hate this day so much."

A loud sob broke out of her mouth at the same time as her eyes opened again and a couple of tears trickled down her face. "But then again, it's... today... today is the only day I'm allowed to be sad. I can mourn her today, cry for her, without being judged for it or having someone tell me to leave the past behind."

A sharp sting shot through Jennie's chest, her eyebrows creasing. It's the day she's allowed to be sad. It made Jennie feel sick to her stomach that Lisa really felt like that, and even though she knew that Rosé and Jisoo were great friends to Lisa and even though she knew, that a situation like this must be hard to handle, Jennie couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of resentment towards Lisa's friends.

How could they let their friend, someone who was just so completely filled with grief, someone who just wanted to be understood, how could they let her think that mourning the one person she cared so much about was only okay on one specific day?

She shouldn't feel that way and Jennie would be damned if she would get added to the list of the people, that did make her feel like that. "Lisa, no one can allow or not allow you to feel a specific way about something," Jennie softly said and gave Lisa's hand a light squeeze.