'Maybe there will be a light again. Maybe, someday, someone will step into her life and shove all the darkness away again, show her what life had to offer, other than pain and heartbreak. But until that happens, she would stay where she is. Safe fro...
In the deepest and darkest place of every heart, of every human being, no matter how pessimistic and unbelieving they may be, everyone secretly wishes there to be a happy ending to their own story. And really, I find nothing wrong with that.
Why wouldn't we want to believe that everything is going to be okay? Why wouldn't we want to hope and with and even expect there to be a light at the end of the tunnel? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, believe me.
Because as I tell you this, I will have encountered that there is hope, and there is always... always a little fleck of brightness in the dark. You just have to open your eyes and look for it.
They say everything happens for a reason. God, I don't even know how I can say that stupid sentence without vomiting my guts out. I have heard it a gazillion times, again and again, from almost every person I've met in my entire life, probably twice. And not once did I ever believe it.
Yeah, I get it. God moves in mysterious ways. But seriously, what was the reason I had to grow up without a dad? I mean, what could the reason be, for a grown man to leave his family all alone, just because he couldn't handle his wife being sick? What's the reason for when a mother is taken from their two children much too soon?
And what the hell is God's reasoning for letting an already damaged girl meet someone she falls hopelessly in love with, letting her be happy for a couple of years, just to damage her even more by taking the said love away from her again?
It just didn't make any sense to me, and it still doesn't, to some extent. But everything that happens in your life, no matter if good or bad, is linked to each other. One thing leads to the other and you realize that, without a specific thing that happened in your life, you would have missed out on so much.
Who knows if my brother and I would have had such a strong bond if our father hadn't left us? Who knows if my mother would have gotten better? Maybe death was the only way out for her, the only way for her to feel good again.
And who knows if Nicole had transferred schools and we would have fallen in love, if all of that didn't happen?
Yeah, maybe it would have happened the same way. But maybe everything does happen for a reason.
Even Niki's death.
Would I have met Jennie if Niki had still been alive? I'm 100% sure I would have. But I would never have fallen in love with her.
As much as I loved Nicole, as much as I wanted her to be with me forever, I knew there had to be a reason that she was taken away from me - even if I didn't want to believe that for a long, long time. And I think... that reason went by the name of Jennie Kim.
When I first met her, in Rosé and Jisoo's apartment in front of the bathroom door, with her wearing these glasses that made her look insanely attractive and with her lip tightly captured by her teeth, I would have never thought that this... petite brunette ball of nervousness would ever become such an important person in my life.
But she did.
She became this... this bright streak of searing light that just... jumped into my world, and lit up every shadow there ever was. I wondered for the longest time, after Jennie and I got together, if maybe I had been dead too, in some weird emotional way, and Jennie was the one who brought me back.
Ugh. This was so corny. But still, I like to believe it's kind of the truth.
It's still hard at times, I can tell you that. We fight, a whole lot actually, mostly about little, unimportant things. There are times where I still need time for myself, just an hour or two.
Claudia, although she came to term with me dating her sister, is still hot on my tail at times. But I don't really blame her, to be honest. As long as she protects Jennie, she can dislike me all she wants.
But those are just tiny bumps in the road. What relationship didn't have them? Being with Jennie is perfect, in every way imaginable.
Jennie showed me how to love again. She gave me hope. Made me realize that life can go on. She restored the relationship with my friends.
It was simple, really. Jennie understood me when no one else did, made me smile when no one else could and fought for me even when everyone was ready to give up on me. The darkness is long gone now, instead every little nook is filled with bright colors.
I guess you could say...
That I have found my light...
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