Love & Serenity

Chapter 20

Jax sat there, Lillian's hand in his, thinking about what she'd just told him. He couldn't even imagine what it must have been like growing up in the system. If she hadn't told him, he would never have guessed it in a million years. She was so strong and cheerful, kind and sweet. Now, he knew deep inside, she was hurting just like he was. The need to protect her grew by the minute and he knew if he voiced it out, he'd be the one who needed protection.

"Here you go." Mindy placed a plate of food on the table.

Lillian snatched her hand from Jax's hand but he was quick to grab ahold. Mindy smiled and left them alone. Lillian snuck a look at Jax who was looking at her with a raised brow.
"What was that?"

"I don't know." She said, "Instinct. I wasn't thinking."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." Lillian smiled suspiciously as she slid her hand slowly out of his and got started on her food.

Jax leaned back into his seat and watched her. She'd just told him a small part of her past and he was ready to take up a sword. He wondered what she'd been through to end up the way she did. She was an incredible person and the more time he spent with her, the more he wanted to know more.

Lillian glanced at him.
"Stop." She said gently.

"What?"

"Looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like that." She said, "Everyone who finds out I was raised in the system gives me that look."

"What look?"

"The sorry look." She'd gotten enough of that look from past employers and she'd had enough of it.

"Hey." Jax leaned away from his seat and placed his arms on the table. "I don't feel sorry for you."

"Then what's that look?"

"I'm in awe of you, Lily."

Lillian paused and look right into his eyes trying to see if he was telling her the truth.

"You are an amazing woman." Jax said, "You're an example of 'your past shouldn't define you' and you've done that and more."

"Not exactly." Lillian muttered to herself.

"I would never feel sorry for you."

Lillian smiled.
"That's supposed to be a good thing but it almost sounds like an insult."

Jax smiled.
"It does."

They both laugh and Jax lets her eat.

Jax dropped Lillian off and went back to work when he got home. As he worked, he thought about Lillian. In the past, Lillian was the kind of woman he wouldn't have looked at twice because at first glance she didn't seem interesting and also because he was living up on his high horse then and he wasn't down to earth to have noticed anyone as precious as her. Because of that, he'd been too focused on the thrill of it all that he'd cancelled his plans to go home and spend some time with his family, his grams especially. He'd been partying and drinking all night long, and when the news came the next morning, he was instantly sober. He felt and saw everything crash and burn before his eyes as he took the news in. He could have been with his grams if he hadn't cancelled yet again.

Everything was a blur from the second he left his hotel room till the funeral. He'd kept away from his parents' ranch because the entire family was there and he was too ashamed to show his face after years of being away. He stayed at his grams', and he took it day by day and he slowly started to return back to the land of the living. He'd fallen so fast; he'd hit the ground so hard that he needed a few weeks to get back on his feet. When he did, he realized he couldn't go back to the life he had, so he packed up and left with nothing but a note for his family.

He had no idea what Lillian was going through because even though they were both hurting, she had been abandoned, and in his case, he was the one who'd done the abandonment.

Lillian's eyes were glued to her laptop before and after dinner. Although Jax hadn't revealed a lot about himself, the little he'd said was a start, something to off on and she was starting to get a clearer picture of what his character was like. But she still had a long way to go on getting a full picture. She needed her questions answered like what was he doing in Burlington and why doesn't his family know where he is. Was he hiding from something, the law, maybe?

Is Jax even his real name or did he have it changed?

So many questions were flooding her mind and she needed them answered to have a clear path to the end of the book. All she needed was a path and the journey towards the end usually went smoothly even though she had no idea what awaited her at the end, she knew there was an end and that was all she needed.

The memory of Jax holding her hand at Mindy's came up and she sighed. Were all her questions silly because Jax didn't seem like the type to have broken a law? If she was being cautious, she did just meet him and she can't exactly judge him with only just knowing him for a couple of days. But on the other hand, even though she wasn't the best judge in character, Jax was a good person.

The more she thought about it, the more she knew how crazy she was for trying to uncover some mystery where there was clearly none. She blamed her last book series for that but she was starting with a blank page, according to Deidre, and she was writing a romance book, not anything like her previous ones.

"It's a love story. Pretty straightforward." Lillian mumbled to herself. "How complicated could it get?"

Only if she knew what lay ahead of her down the path. She was trying to uncover the story of a man that didn't want his past discovered.

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Hey guys,

Happy New Month!

Been a while since I gave an author's note but here it is.

20 chapters down and I hope you guys have enjoyed it so far. I kinda took a break from writing Love & Serenity for a few months and I got back on it yesterday and I'm glad I did.

Anyway, today's a good day because something amazing is happening. I haven't been doing music for a while and I got back on it this month. Today being the first of a new month, I decided to post my first cover today. It'll be going up on my Instagram page (JaneLanett) sometime between  12PM - 1PM. I'm so excited and nervous.

Hope you guys check it out.

Catch y'all on Friday. Hope you have an amazing day and the start of a new month.

Love,
J.L.