Love & Serenity

Chapter 33

It was mid-October and it had been a couple of weeks since Lillian and Jax shared their first kiss. Everyone was still enjoying the fall season as Halloween approached faster than they expected, soon, winter would roll by and then it'd be the New Year.

Jax and Lillian's relationship was growing each day and Mindy amongst other people couldn't keep from smiling when the two were seen together or in the same vicinity because those two couldn't keep their eyes off each other according to Mindy, which was absolutely true. If they weren't together but were in the same place at the same time, they had their eyes on each other or on the other when the other person wasn't looking. They'd been caught quite a few times and had been absolutely embarrassed by being called out on it. But, young love, it's new and true. At least until something goes wrong and the love turns to hate, but who knows tomorrow, everything can go right.

The thought that something would go wrong somewhere down the line scared Lillian and as much as she tried to push it away, or to the back of her head, it always seemed to find its way front and centre. She was so used to being let down by others; Deidre was the one person she'd been able to let herself trust completely after years of working together, but there was a part of her that still feared that a day would come when she wouldn't be able to write any more books and Deidre would have to dump her for another new talent. In the same way, she was scared that whatever was going on between her and Jax wouldn't last even though when all she wanted to do was bask in the feeling she got every time he was around. Her mind just couldn't keep still.

"Are you ok?"

Lillian snapped from her reverie and turned her head with a smile on her face to look at Mindy who stood beside the table she was seated at.
"Yes, I'm fine."

"You've been staring out the window for a long while and have barely touched your food."

Rush hour had ended a while ago and when the customers had started to leave, she'd decided to sit down and have her lunch, which was still on her plate.

"Just...thinking."

Mindy searched her face before sighing and then took the seat across from her.
"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't overthink it."

Lillian looked down at her plate.
"Overthink what?" She looked at Mindy again.

"You know what." Mindy said, "It'll only make it harder to move forward. Enjoy what you have and figure out the rest down the line."

"What if there's nothing to figure out down the line?"

Mindy sighed and placed her hand on top of Lillian's,
"Whatever is troubling you is best discussed with the person in question."

Lillian let out a breath before nodding.
"Ok."

"Good." Mindy got up, "Now finish up and get to it."

Mindy smiled and did as she was told.

Half an hour later, Lillian pulled up at Jax's place and as she got out of her car, Otto ran towards her barking. She smiled and leaned forward to scratch its head before heading towards Jax's workshop. Jax was stepping out of his workshop and pulling off his gloves as Lillian approached him. They both smiled seeing each other at the same time before Jax headed towards her and picked her up then spun her around.

Lillian giggled as Jax spun her and then placed her back on solid ground. Her hands entwined behind his head.
"Hi."

Jax couldn't keep from smiling as he looked down, into her eyes,
"Hi."

"Is it weird that we just saw each other a while ago when you came in for lunch and then this?"

Jax shook his head,
"It's not weird at all." He said, "I didn't get to hold you, or kiss you..."

Jax leaned forward and kissed her lips gently and softly before pulling back leaving Lillian with a sigh and a smile. Jax searched her eyes and noticed she was looking at him differently.

"What?"

Lillian moved her head from side to side, slowly.
"Nothing."

"C'mon, I know there's something." Jax said as he tightened his grip on her waist for a second, "What's going on?"

Lillian exhaled and looked at her feet as her hand unlocked and slid down the front of his shirt.
"I don't want to bother you with it."

"Nothing that worries you is ever going to be a bother." He pulled her against him. "Tell me."

"It's silly."

Jax sighed and Lillian snuck a glance at him before Jax took her by the hand and made his way towards his truck with her following behind him. When they reached the back of his truck, Jax picked her up and placed her on the tailgate before stepping into the space between her legs.
"Talk."

Lillian exhaled inaudibly before looking back at him again,
"Aren't you scared?"

Jax's brows furrowed,
"About what?"

"About this. Us."

Jax's lip quirked up at the side,
"I am. But anything important in life is always scary, if it isn't, then it's not going to be worth it."

Lillian nodded,
"I know, but what if it doesn't work out?"

"We'll go our separate ways knowing we tried and...Damn! I'm hoping it works out."

Lillian smiled.

"Cause right now, I can't think of anything beyond us." Jax said, "You're in everything when I think about the future."

Lillian leaned forward,
"So, we're in this together."

"Completely." Jax said, "I'm just as scared of losing you as you are of me."

Lillian wrapped her hands around his midriff and Jax wrapped his around her.

"I never want this feeling to end," Lillian said,

"Then we have to keep working at it."

Lillian nodded.

"And when you have something on your mind that's bothering you, please don't hide it from me."

"I won't." Lillian said, "That goes for you too."

"I...I promise." Jax forced himself to say.

He had to tell her.

He had to tell her everything. She had to know and he needed to get it out into the open. He didn't want to hide it from her anymore. He knew he could trust her with it and he was willing to.

He was going to tell her. Tonight.