Peter Parker Oneshots

Sherlock stopped a knife fight!

Word Counter: 1004

The Avengers had all gathered together and were watching a movie when the elevator doors opened and 3 teenagers walked out, dumping their backpacks in the entry. Everyone tensed but Stark just titled his head back off the sofa and offered a wave. "Hi Dete, Bed and MK"

"Hi Mr. Stark"

"Hi Sir"

"Shut up Stank" came the 3 responses, and the Avengers relaxed slightly. 'Dete' muttered something and left, so the other 2 walked over to Tony.

"What you watching?" The girl asked

"Sherlock Holmes."

"Cool, that guy's like a more boring version of Peter." The slightly overweight guy mentioned, clearing ignoring the girl's cut-it-out signs.

"What do you mean?" Nat asked

"Well Peter does this really cool thing where-"

"Cut it out dork." 'MK' interjects.

"But MJ, I was asked a question, I can't just ignore one of the best people in history."

"She's cool, and awesome, and pretty, and blah blah blah. She's one of the few people I respect in this sad world, so just stop so you don't fall over again."

"But MJ, look at her." He gestured a hand over to the sofa wildly where the Avengers were watching in confused amusement "She's awesome."

"And if you'd think using your head and not what's between your legs, you'd be lucky to be even a percentage of awesome that she is." A few whistles were let out at that, and Bed/Ned went to open his mouth again, but the 3rd teenager came back.

"I can hear you all the way down the hall, what the hell are you arguing about this time."

"Language kiddo." Stark reminded, but was just ignored.

"I was just telling everyone about your cool Sherlock Holmes ability when MJ comes and takes a shot at my hormonal issues, like she isn't aroused every time she lays eyes on you."

MJ slips a pocket knife out her sleeve and lunges towards Ned but Peter catches her in a teddy-bear hug, restaining her arms, spinning around so they face away from Ned, getting nicked in the cheek while she wriggles around.

"I thought Mr. Morita confiscated the knife in 3rd period?" the skinny teen asked, slipping the knife into his waistband after MJ let go.

"No, that was my the knife I keep between my breasts. I still have my boot knife and my pistol that's strapped firmly on my leg." The team were kinda alarmed about a teenager carrying around weapons to school but let it go hesitantly.

"Well that's nice, because you're not getting this one back for a week."

"Peter gimme."

"Not a chance."

"Peter Parker you give me my knife back."

"Recite the rules." This was all said like it was a fairly normal conversation, which it highly could've been.

"I know the damn rules, and you're not my dad, give me my knife back."

"Rules MJ."

"Fine. Clause M, Section 17. If one Michelle Nicholas Jones tries to inflict unnecessary physical harm on one Edward Leeds or one Peter Benjamin Parker with the weapons carried around on her personel, said Mr. Parker holds the full rights to take away said weapon for up to 28 days, and Michelle must apologise to whoever she tried, failed or succeeded to attack. One Nicholas Joseph Fury, as the legal guardian of Michelle, will be contacted to come take away said weapon and give further consequences as he sees fit. Are you happy now father?" The last bit was added on sarcastically, but Peter stood there indifferently. The team, including Tony who's never saw this go down before, sat there, movie long forgotten, as they wondered who these kids were.

"Call him."

"Not now Peter, not infront of everyone."

"I wouldn't care if we were infront of the president, now call the damn guy or I will." Everyone could tell Peter was getting impatient, and the bags under his eyes now looked 5 times darker with the frown etched on his normally-puppy-look face.

A phone was pulled out MJ's jeans and she dialed a few numbers before putting the phone on speaker and thrusting it in Peter's hands. Ned stood behind Peter, looking over his shoulder at the Caller ID, obviously not wanting to get too close to the girl giving him a death stare.

After a few rings, the phone was picked up.

"Are you ok, Michelle?" The signature voice of Nick Fury rung out from the phone, Nat and Clint  exchanging looks.

"Hi Dad..." everyone's eyes widened as she called the Director 'Dad' and they waited to see this play out.

"What did you do?"

"That's assuming I did something."

"She did something." Peter piped up.

"Oh, hello Peter."

"Hi Mr. Jones."

"What did she do?"

"In 3rd period, she tried to attack a teacher for making a sexist remark, which I'm actually pretty proud about, even if she got her knife taken away, but she just tried to attack Ned and I had to intervene, so we need you to be an impartial witness to the apology."

"Say sorry Michelle." He softly, but sternly commanded

"Sorry Ned, sorry Peter."

"We're all good Em." Ned smirked watching her eyes narrow, as both the boys knew she hated the nickname with a passion.

"So what are you 3 up to right now?" The adult's voice rang through the small speaker again.

"We're standing in the tower, with the Avengers watching us like we're bat-shit loony, I think it may because their oh-soo-fearless leader is talking to 3 teenagers they've never met before, and sassing him without being threatened to death." Peter snarks; pure, unfiltered sarcasm seeping through his words, to which Fury gives a small snort.

"Right then, bye kids." The tone indicated Nick had hung up and the teenagers all visibly inflated

"Snacks" Peter pointed at Ned.

"Drinks" Ned pointed at Peter.

"My turn to pick the movie." Mj conceeds, and they all walked their seperate ways...

"So how was Peter like Sherlock again?"

"More importantly, who the hell is Peter?"