Peter Parker Oneshots

Petty Sibling Squabbles

Word Counter: 1030

(Peter is 16 and Morgan is 10)

The Avengers sat around a conference table with Fury leading a presentation, as they heard screaming come from down the hall.

"Morgan give it back!" It sounded like a teenage boy, but everyone saw Tony's eyes widen as he took a big breath in.

"No! I want to play with it!" A younger girl screamed back, equally as loud.

"Morgan I need that back. I've asked nicely now give it back because it's dangerous!" The boy sounded fed up, but like he was trying to be nice to the younger at the same time, the team plus Fury eyed Stark suspiciously.

"Well it doesn't look dangerous so I'm going to keep it!"

"Morgan I swear, give it back right now!"

"Come and get it Bug-Boy!"

Stark snickered but tried to hide it behind his hand, but silence come from the corridor befoore Fury thought it suitable to start the meeting again.

"So as I was saying-"

A loud crash come from the hall followed by a loud "Crap!"

Stark's eyebrows raised to the roof at this language, as Fury just sat down and gave up.

"Crap! Hahaha Bug-Boy! You're in deep shit!" The girl remarked, sounding very smug.

"Morgan don't use those words, Mum coined those words."

"Then why did you say them?"

"Because I've broke some important crap!"

A giggle, sounding like the girl erupted down the hall.

"I'm telling mum you used her coined words!"

"Morgan don't! I'm deep in thought right now and don't need her taking my lab time away."

"What you thinking about? Was it juice pops?"

"That is attempted exploitation, but no. I'm thinking how to clean up this mess I've made before Mum and Dad find out."

"Well too bad Bug-Boy, I'm gonna go tell Dad right now!"

"Tell Dad and I'll tell him about how I saw you flirting with Dylan the other day."

"Don't you dare"

"Oh I dare little kid"

"Then I'll tell everyone how you kissed merc-ey the other day!"

"I'll tell Dad about the time you snuck Dylan into your room even though he said no boys allowed"

"What about the time Wade snuck in your window and you used all of Mum's coined words before remembering to soundproof the room."

That was a real rollercoaster, the Avengers went through amusement, second-hand embarrassment and confusion all at once, but Tony looked down-right disgusted from the last one.

"Yuh-uh, ok then. I know Dylan isn't the first boy you've snuck in. You've had Jeremy, then Liam, then Alex, then-"

"Well I'll tell Dad about the time you got shot and you'll be grounded from Spidey business."

"I'll tell Dad about the time you snuck out after your curfew and I had to save you from getting mugged because you were busy kissing one of your oh-so-many boyfriends."

"Then I'll tell Dad all about the time you and Wade did it in the lounge, and the kitchen, and the-"

"OK FRIDAY, THAT'S ENOUGH PATCH ME THROUGH TO THEM" Tony demanded, looking livid.

"Hey dad" Both of them chimed, sounding completely unlike they had a fight moments ago. "Me and Morguna were just making hot chocolate and pancakes for the weekend talking about her school, she got at least As on all her subjects, I was thinking 'bout going out for ice-cream when you get home, what d'ya think?"

The team would've been convinced by the boy's lying skills had they not heard the previous conversation.

"I personally think, you should stop lying to me and talk to me about what you broke, and what Morgan meant by you fucked someone on literally every surface of the tower."

Snickers came from the girl as a sigh came from the boy before he spoke again. "Correction father-dearest; I didn't fuck anyone, I got fucked myself."

"Don't fucking swear Peter, not infront of your sister."

"But you just fucking swore!"

"Stop it with this swearing shit or I swear to fuck you're grounded"

"You can't tell me to stop fucking swearing when you're the one fucking swearing at me"

"I just said stop fucking swearing kid and now you're swearing like a fucking sailor. Seriously stop it with the language shit and use your kiddie words instead of swearing infront of a 10 year old!"

"You just swore so many times in that fucking sentence I'm wondering if your head's screwed on correctly"

"You're one bitchy kid now you've grown up aren't you."

"Pete-" The girl tried to speak

"Asshole"

"Fucking spider idiot"

"Iron-Dick"

"Bitch please, your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company"

"Wipe your mouth, there's still bullshit around your lips"

"Dad stop-" The girl tried again, but to no avail

"Oh you little shitty kid, you're so fake even China denied making you"

"You cannot fathom the intensity of the fucks I don't give dad"

"I'd slap you but that would be animal abuse, Bug-Boy"

"Fuck off Tin-Can"

"You wound me Peter"

"I don't sugar coat shit, I'm not Willy Wanker"

"Shut up kid, I have a press conference to go to I don't need your negativity, I get everyone else's"

"Oh look my dear father, you seem to have left your bottle of attention in the kitchen after trying to multiply it, thinking if you froze it to preserve it, you might get more"

"Peter Benjamin Stark. Anthony Edward Stark." Pepper's fed-up voice rang through the PA system.

"Hey mum" "Hey Pep" They replied together, both sounding equally scared.

"Morgan go to your room and me and Peter will come to you, Anthony."

"Dickwads" Morgan mutters before the audio cuts off, and 20 seconds later, Pepper barges in with a nervous, wide-eyed Peter trailing closely behind. Clint snickers at the situation but gets a back-hand to the head from Natasha, who was unfazed by this scene.

"So care to explain to me why you were throwing insults with cuss words to each other?"

They both mutter incoherently, but another turn comes, and Strange pops out of a portal. "I need Peter to help me stitch up Cloakie, he got caught on one of the spears."

Peter sports a massive grin as he steps backwards, and Pepper continues belittling Tony, but once Peter is behind the scary CEO, he locks eyes with Tony and whispers "He's a better dad than you" and flips him off before falling backwards into a portal, leaving Tony to deal with his scary wife all on his own.