The Bends - JJ x Kiara

Bang, bang, bang

•
(JJ)

*8 years ago*

"Aw! C'mere, buddy! You're such a good boy-"

All I knew in that moment, was that he felt safe. Soft. I ran my fingers through his fur, taking in the innocence of the animal sat in front of me. I felt connected with him. I wanted to keep him.

Maybe this time, he'd say yes? Maybe this time, he'd consider it? It would never hurt to ask.

"Dad?" I murmured nervously, peering around the house. Almost as if on cue, he appeared through the doorway coming from his bedroom, rubbing his head in discomfort. He was shuffling across the floor like a zombie on hard drugs. It made me wince on the inside.

"Jesus, what now?" He snapped, running a hand across his head. He shut his eyes in annoyance.

"Oh. I just was gonna ask- y'know..." I trailed off, gazing at the stains on his white tank top and the beer clutched in his other hand. It made me uncomfortable.

"Spit it out, I don't got all day."

I bit the inside of my cheek and started to pick at the skin around my thumbnail. A habit I've had for as long as I could remember.

I was so, so afraid of him.

"I was thinking- maybe we could get a pet? A dog, specifically? They're super easy to care for. I'd walk it, and make sure he's all taken care of-" I was rambling, smiling about the fantasy I had just created.

He began to mutter angry words under his breath before chucking the beer can across the room. It clattered against the ground, the noise making me jump. "Do you know how stupid you sound?" He starts to laugh maniacally in my face. "A dog? A fuckin' dog?"

I squeeze my fists tightly and feel my nails break the skin in my palms. It's painful.

"What's so funny?" I mumble, my eyebrows creasing together in pure innocence and confusion.

He stands back up from bending over laughing, as he grabs his chest. The area near his heart. He strides toward me slowly, a disgusted look on his face.

The way he was glaring down at me- like I was a big he was about to squish the shit out of; made me feel like I wanted to die.

"Fucking. pathetic."

I feel a sudden stinging, red hot pain across my cheek. I stumble clumsily backward due to the impact of the hit, almost falling over. I put a hand against my face, feeling the blood trickle out of my newly open cut.

"Imagine wanting a fucking animal. Fucking worthless dream." I can hear him continue to mutter to himself as he scoffs and turns around, retreating back to his room.

I try to hold back the tears that begin to pool at my eyes. But I can't.

I grip the sides of my hair in pain and clench my jaw, my teeth gritting harshly together. I start to punch at the side of my head.

"Fucking stupid. So fucking stupid..." I whisper to myself, trying to pretend the throbbing ache from the slap isn't taking over me.

Whenever I brought it up, I would either be yelled at until every piece of my self esteem was broken-

Or, be beat until I was a shaking mess on the floor.

I get up, and make my way outside. Away from him.

The dog is still sat where I left him; floppy ears standing up, tongue hanging lazily out the side of his mouth.

I bend down and hold out my hand, but he lifts his head up and attempts to lick at my bloody wound instead. I stifle out a broken chuckle.