Behind The Pain (COMPLETED)

Kabanata 29

BTP KABANATA 29

"I think I'm fucked up again."

"What?" Cloud asked through the phone. "Now what the hell did you do this time?" he scolded me. 

I sighed. I pulled out my hair in frustration. 

"Are you busy?" I asked, hoping that he's not.

"I'll be there," he said. I heard a noise from his background; it was the engine of his car.

"I'll hang up na, ah? Same place. See you!"

Before entering my car, I glanced at Satan and Celine. I closed my eyes and breathe heavily. Binuksan ko ang pintuan ng sasakyan habang nakakunot ang noo. Napasandal ako sa upuan ng sasakyan ko nang hindi ko makabit ang susi. 

God, small inconvenience annoys me the most. My patience could never handle these things.

Thankfully, I arrived at our usual churros place after a couple of minutes. Nagpapasalamat talaga ako na hindi ako naabutan ng traffic because I will be sorry for the person I will become.

"Kanina ka pa ba?" tanong ko kay Cloud nang makalapit ako sa kaniya.

He shook his head. "Kakarating ko lang din... but I already ordered the usual," he said.

I nodded and sat in front of me. We were silent until I sighed. I lowered my head on the table and groaned.

"This is driving me crazy," I murmured. Iniangat ko ang tingin ko kaya nagulat si Cloud. "Mukha na ba akong nababaliw?" tanong ko.

Alinlangan siyang tumingin. He stared at me as if I was weirding him out. "You look more than crazy right now, Vera, no offense."

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "I don't know what to do..." I frowned. This is driving me insane. Dapat talaga natulog na lang ako ngayon araw.

"What happened to you? Seriously, you look like shit." I glared at him. "No offense, okay? I'm just being honest," he said, raising both his arms.

"I don't want to associate myself with Satan..." I said, calming my whole body. "But when I saw him with Celine a while ago, I just wanted to go run to him and hug him like I always do," I said, admitting. 

"Then, just do what you really want to do," he said.

Umirap ako. "It's not as easy as you think it is."

"I know..." he said, smiling. "Because I've been through that, too." Nawala ang ngiti niya sa labi. "Pero bakit mo naman na iwasan siya? Considering how much you loved him way back. I witness how the both of you grow."

"I've always thought I would love to do things all over again if it means being with him... but I realized how idealistic that was. It's easier to say than to do. Going through that experience all over again? Hindi ko ata kakayanin," pilit akong tumawa. "I'd rather see him mad at me right now than see him smile as if nothing happened. Para sa akin malaking bagay 'yung ginawa ko rati... I was torn between dream and love. That shit hurts," I added.

Kasi kung ako ang tatanungin, hindi ko siya iiwan... He was both my dream and love... and letting go of him was like cutting my wings. Seeing him again now scares me. Paano kung maulit na naman ang dati? 

"It will cost you zero money to try again," Cloud said.

"It might cost me another heartbreak..." I gulped when I felt my throat closing up. "Mahirap kalaban ang oras... pero mas mahirap kalaban ang mga taong nakapaligid sa amin. Masyadong nakakatakot. Masyadong nakakapagod," I sniffed between words.  

"So, you want to live a life full of what ifs?" tanong niya. "Vera, in order to free yourself from the past, you must let go of the things you are holding on to too tight. Who gives a fuck about Tita Fely? Literally, no one! Hindi naman siya 'yung papasok sa relasyon, bakit siya ang iniisip mo?" He almost stood up.