what once was

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whether you've read this entire thing or just read the first thing written and this past part you'll see i've changed.
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— What Once Was —
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i've never said this, and never thought i would but here it goes..
- dear diary:
it's crazy how much i've changed. how everyone's changed. but it's crazier how no matter the change, i'm shown respect. by the people of august twenty twenty.
as i'm still hurting but everything the pain is slowly decreasing. my thoughts still filled with him who had me blocked, but in person he says my name with a slight smile. or the way the other one who blocked me went out of the way to say hi.
it makes me feel better about everything in the past year.
i guess it's something September twenty twenty me wouldn't have thought. although i didn't think lots of things would happen the way they ended up. i should really say September to December twenty twenty me. i had too many expectations , very unrealistic ones. like everyone taking me back in. but on that exact same note, i feel like with time it will come true. no matter how many months it'll take to come true, i am willingly saying i would love to be their friends again. i think i always wanted to be that's why.
everyone now knows me as twenty twenty one me, and yes i'm sure they all haven't forgotten about everything that happened, but neither have i. honestly diary schools coming up, and as i am worried i guess it does show that i've grown. last year i was so worried about everyone hating me as i went back to school but this year, i know that if someone does hate me, that's on them. other people's opinions shouldn't decide my life. because it's my life not theirs.
as much as i wanted to believe that i wasn't in the wrong back then, i was. i'll admit it. i didn't even realize it then either.
i played victim a lot. i truly did. i would screenshot everyone's stories when i wasn't invited to something solely because i was insecure.
i never reported someone's tiktok, but i was never truly innocent. i lit the fire.
honestly, i've learned a lot this past year, but i'm also learning that what happened is not the present. it hasn't been at all. it's just been presented that way in my brain.
it's now known to me as a three letter sentence. the past i mean.
and diary, you've been great to me. it's been great writing about what once was.