what once was

Almost Closure

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i'm realizing things, deeper things. things that are helping me become happier and more out together like i was before - except this time i'm entirely different.
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— Almost Closure —
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no matter if you read my story forwards or backwards you'll see i'm different.  i've matured lots. and there's always more of maturing as age goes. and yes, i know i'm afraid of growing up but it's inevitable. everyone grows up. i'm still worried about it but less. i know i'm not alone in it. all my friends are growing up and i am too. so what difference does it make.
as much as last year has absolutely torn me into pieces, i'm slowly picking those pieces up and putting them back together. and i know it's taken a year, but i'm still not done.
and to December me who said everyone would be back, that too is inevitable. you cant just say every single person will be back in your life with a year time. because in a year time everyone's different, everyone's changed in ways even i didn't realize would happen. yes some for the worst but others for the best. another thing i've come to realize is if you aren't okay that's okay. you should take your time, because the world can wait. it's always been able to.
i've never realized these things because i've never gone through these things. its a first time type hurt. and honestly i'm grateful for it. i would say that, with a smile on my face and saddened eyes.
why? let me tell you.
august twenty twenty hurt me so bad that not only did the summer leave, i left myself. i lost myself. all because of being blocked and being called awful awful names even over something i didn't even do.
although i wanted to believe that i'm going to be friends with summer twenty twenty friends forever, i know now that it's impossible. and as much as i wanted to believe that everyone would like me by the end of this summer, i know now that that too is quite impossible.
not everyone will like you, and that's okay. even though i don't always like myself, i know in the long run i do. and after twenty twenty i know that if anything like that ever seems close to happening again at least i would know how to handle it.
and yes, i say this with not full closure, but i'm almost there. i almost have closure. but i'm aware of it coming towards me. because i'm the only one still hurting from it. and that's perfectly okay. i've needed this long amount of time to heal and recognize where i went wrong. because you can't always say that you did nothing to people.
shoutout to me because of my almost closure.