You know that feeling when you don't know how to feel but you also feel everything? It's like you want to kick, scream, and cry a thousand times but you don't know what will come out first. The feeling when you want to go away and hid in a dark corner. The feeling when you don't know how to "properly" express your emotions. I honestly don't know how else to describe it but emptiness. Sometimes I get in these moments where I don't want to be bothered by anyone or anything. I know most people label it as depression but I feel there are different levels or aspects of Depression. You can't just stick a label on a person and let that fake diagnosis, that no one professionally diagnosed you with, determine your whole life. Sometimes it gets difficult to force a smile in front of others, to not cause worry, to not be a burden onto other people. Moments where you just want to express how you feel without being judged or labeled as weak or emotional. But, what do you do when you have no one to be your outlet? Who do you turn to when you're at your wits end?
Feeling empty can be the worst feeling ever to have to try to overcome. You do so much to change how you feel, to be okay, but what if it's not enough? What if no matter what you do it's never enough? What if you spiral too far that you can't see the light at the end anymore? You feel so burned out that you just feel numb to everything. You feel sick to your stomach because of the build up of emotions inside of you. Then you have people making up words to mask what it truly is. Saying because you're an empath, you have to just ground yourself and just accept what's happening to you. Because you're an introvert, you automatically don't want to be bothered with anyone so it's not out of the ordinary for you. Because you're a Leo, you are quick to be reactive to the little things and snap for "no reason" instead of being fed up with everyone's shit. Instead of trying to validate and understand their feelings, you brush it off and try to make it sound less important to yourself. What kills me is when they try to say that their feelings are more important than yours.
It's like I want a hug but I also don't want to be touched at the same time. I don't know what else to do. I just want to be understood. I want a break. I want to sleep until I feel better. I want this to be over. But who cares what I want? Not many around me. I feel sick. I feel like there's something stuck in my throat and if I try to open my mouth, nothing will come out but silence.
I FEEL EMPTY...
