you know when you get that feeling that everything will be okay and that you have nothing to worry about,and then boom it's gone in a matter of seconds. that's how i feel every day. no matter how hard i try, it seems like i always end up doing something wrong. yesterday i took a couple of mental health screenings and they were pretty accurate. i try my best to be happy, when in reality, i don't know how to be. i fake a smile and crack jokes so people don't see how i am 24/7. i live in darkness. i don't always want to talk about my feelings. most days i would rather just stay asleep for as long as i possibly can. i hate having feelings. i wish i could just feel nothing. i feel like a burden. everyone would be better off if they had never met me. i hate that people worry for me. worrying causes wrinkles. i wish that i wasn't so weak. i wish i wasn't so emotionally unstable. i wish i was someone else. someone who doesn't have to worry about constantly making mistakes. someone who is capable of putting a smile on her face b choice not force. someone who is healthy and smarter than i ever could be. someone who wasn't so damaged that she couldn't see what everyone else sees. i quit.
