Once again people fail to realize that what they say is completely and utterly wrong in every way. In all honesty, the funniest crap that i've heard so far is that they think they are there for me, when they have done nothing but bash and break me. From the top ,to the bottom, I've never felt so insecure and unloved in my life. I don't understand how doing something out of the" kindness of your fucking heart" can just turn to you owe me your life in a matter of seconds. if i could describe myself in one word, it would be Cinderella. the main reason why i say this is because i'm always being taken for granted. It's always something that i do that is unpleasing to people. Whether it be me doing something or not doing anything at all. if there was a way for me to go back in time 21 years ago and choose who my parents were, i would in a heartbeat. the fact that i have to constantly put my dreams and goals on hold for everyone else and bust my back for people just to be told that i ain't shit and my life doesn't matter, is truly fucked up. I'm tired of feeling frustrated every damn day. I'm tired of walking on eggshells for the next person. One minute i should go to the gym because i'm too ,fat, the next im being forced to cancel my membership because half of my funds are being taken away every damn week. I rarely ask for help and when i do it's a problem when i don't ask for help, im getting fussed at for not asking for help. no matter what i do or say, it's never good enough at all. i swear when my great grandmother was still alive, she wouldnt be speaking nor acting the way that she is. i truly am done with this situation all together. i know for a fact that i'm not supposed to live like this. if i could make her realize what she was doing and how she treated me through my eyes, it would be a whole different story. literally since day one, she has treated me like a black sheep of the family. like i just dont understand. i'm literally doing every damn thing you have told me. but it seems like me not following into your footsteps is pissing you off. like are you happy for me, or are you upset that i'm different than you. sometimes i feel like im being judged about everything that i do in my life. you claim that you are proud of your children and that you show no favoritism but i can't tell not one bit. if i couldve moved out of state when i had the chance, i wouldve in a heartbeat. i know i shouldnt think this way now but i wonder what wouldve happened if i did end my life in the 11th grade? would she have cared then? or would she still blamed me like always.
