It started with a Raid War / Quackity x Reader Fanfic

thirty-three

I've spent a lot of time thinking over the past week since I talked to Dream, and I have not come to any decision. Maybe I'm not meant to be with either of them.

I talk to Alex and Nick just like I did before, but this time it is truly platonic. Alex is still a little hesitant when it comes to certain things. We don't hang out in each other's rooms randomly anymore.

I've been streaming a lot since my first stream back with George. Since it's been three weeks since the incident, the commotion has died down a lot. There's a couple posts here and there, but, other than that, everyone has taken their minds off of my maybe-kisses with the boys.

I answer the knock on the door. It's the pizza I ordered. "PIZZA'S HERE" I call out to Alex.

He comes walking out. We start to eat the food in silence. After Alex finishes, he clears his throat.

"So I've been doing some thinking,"

My heart starts to thud. What? What kind of thinking? Hard thinking? Thinking about us? Thinking about food? Does he want to try a different pizza next time?

He takes a big breath before blurting out "I think I might want to move out."

All the blood rushes to my face. "What?"

"It just hasn't been the same ever since the whole Sapnap thing. I'm starting to wonder if the whole moving in thing only worked because I had feelings for you."

No. No no no. This is not happening.

"I-" I stop myself from talking. I have to respect his decision. He isn't mine, and I don't think my opinion would change Alex's opinion too much. "Okay... Whatever you.. Whatever you think is best," was all I could get out.

He nods. I go to my room as soon as I finish eating.

I rest my head on the back of the door. I did exactly what I didn't want to do.

I lost Alex.

Tears start streaming down my face.

I told myself. I fucking told myself. I said that I would never let a guy ruin my friendship with Alex. I said that I didn't want a relationship with Alex to ruin our friendship. I said it and I let it happen. It's almost as if I predicted the future or something.

A memory flashes through my head.

"Will you go out on a date with me?" he asks.

I gasp a little. I was not expecting that.

"Maybe."

"Maybe? You demand to know if I have feelings, then say maybe? What the hell, y/n." He throws his hands up and then into his lap in defeat.

"We were friends first. Now we're more than friends. It's very confusing. One wrong thing and we could destroy our friendship." And I can't lose you like that.

"Okay, you have a point. But you know we'd be good together. You can tell from that kiss that we'd be fucking amazing."~

We would've been fucking amazing, Alex. We really would've.

~He pulls me into a deep hug. I take in his scent. He smells so good, so familiar. He smells like my safe place.

And I can't mess up my safespace.

Or can I?~

Hot, angry tears roll down my face as I sob.

Oh I can. I messed it up very, very badly. Now I yearn for it more than ever. I just want that hug. That hug that used to tell me I'll be okay. I want him to tell me that it'll be okay.

I feel a sense of angry sadness surge through me. An angry sadness at myself. An angry sadness at Alex. An angry sadness towards my Twitch chat that told me to raid him.

~"I knew he liked you." he said with no emotion.

I bite my lip. The entire car ride I wanted nothing more than to hear his voice, but now that I hear it, I don't want to hear what is next.~

I crave that voice now. Even if all it is going to do is yell and scream and tell me that I'm a horrible person. I'd rather hear him tell me that everyday for the rest of my than to lose him.

I kick over my desk chair. Why was I so stupid? If he moves out then I'm not going to be able to hear him or see him. Even when he wasn't talking to me I could hear him gaming in the room next to me.

He was out of reach, but never completely gone.

~"I want to be your friend, y/n. I want to still live with you, be in your life and all that, but you have to promise that we will act the way it was before Sapnap's visit. No romantic stuff. Only friends."

I try not to cringe at the fact that he didn't use Nick's real name. "I promise, Alex. Thank you."

He nods, getting out of the car.

And I'm left all alone.~

I grasp onto my hair. I want the memories to stop. I want my brain to stop. Why am I imagining these things now?

Maybe the reason why I'm most upset about this is because I know that once he moves out, we're not going to talk. We're not going to have late night phone calls or catch up through text messages. We're going to maybe see each other on other people's stream.

If he leaves, then he's leaving me all alone. 

And I hate him for that.

word count: 881