Charlie
I managed to calm myself down before letting go of my car's steering wheel. I've been trying to count the minutes that passed but I would always get distracted by ugly tears pouring down my face.
My hands felt stiff as I released my grip. Isinandal ko ang ulo ko sa backrest at huminga ng malalim.
"You're gonna be okay, Charlie." I told myself. "Hush."
I'm not a huge fan of crying. Ayoko ng itsura ko pag umiiyak. I don't like my puffy eyes, and my red nose. It doesn't suit me well. I don't like it when I can't seem to breath, dahil barado ang ilong ko. I really hate crying. Crying is for weak people!
I bit down my lips till it hurts so bad and I can almost taste blood in my mouth. "Gago ka kase, Char! Bakit kase pumunta ka pa dun? Alam mo namang lalaitin ka lang ng matapobre mong ama! Naghahanap ka talaga ng sakit ng katawan eh. Ngayon ngangawa ka! F*ck you, Charlie!" alam ko, I look stupid pag kinakausap ko ng ganito ang sarili ko. Pero kasi wala ang bestfriend ko para pagsabihan ako eh. Tangna naman.
"Isa pa, Char! Punyeta ka, wag ka nang umiyak! Wag mong iyakan yung tarantadong yun!" I slammed my fists on my thighs. "Kalma ka lang!"
I counted to ten then I inhaled deeply.
"Okay na ko." I inspected my self at the rear view. Basta wala lang tititig sakin, hindi nila mahahalata na umiyak ako. That's better than nothing.
One thing I really hate is when people ask why I'm crying, or what's wrong. I mean, they don't really wanna know what's wrong, right? They are just trying to be polite! Nobody really cared about my feelings. It's just my mom and Jareth. And both of them are not around, so f*ck my life!
Lumabas ako ng truck ko. I'm hoping na wala masyadong tao sa labas ngayon. Ayokong may makakita sakin na ganito. I looked at my watch, its nearly two oclock in the afternoon. Sabi ni Ram aalis daw s'ya. I'm sure wala na sya sa bahay by now.
Thank heavens for that!
I'm really not upto an inquisition right now.
I slowly walked my way to my apartment. Kung may nakakasalubong man ako ay hindi ko na lamang tinitingnan. Antisocial mode on.
I fumbled with my keys. Nang mabuksan ko ang pinto ay nagulat ako sa kalansingan ng mga kubyertos sa kusina. Sh*t!
"Hi!" kasigla sigla ng bati ni Ram sakin, nahiya naman ako sa mood ko. I saw him dry his hands on a towel, looks like he just finished washing the dishes.
"What are you doing here?" I winced at the annoyed tone of my voice. Hindi ako dapat naiinis sa kanya, wala s'yang masamang ginagawa sakin.
"I.. Live here?"
I bit my lip. "I mean, i thought you said youre gonna be out for today?"
"Well, I'm not due until 4pm." he said shrugging. Hindi ko actually nakita na nagshrug sya, i just guessed. Afterall, mahilig nyang gawin yun when he's stating a fact. Hindi kasi ako makatingin ng diretso sa kanya, alam kong mapapansin n'ya na umiyak ako.
"Oh, okaaay." I nodded then walk towards my room. Magkukulong na lang siguro ako, hanggang sa makaalis sya.
"Wait!"
I gritted my teeth. What does he want? Atat na atat na kong pumasok sa kwarto at magmukmok. I even wanna call Jareth! Thats how bad I feel right now.
"You look.. Sorry, you look like shit." I dont know kung nagpapatawa ba si Ram, pero naiinis ako sa kanya. Nakakatawa ba na mukha akong tae? Mukha akong kawawa? Putangina lang. "Do want some juice or something?"
