Charlie's POV
I looked at my wrist watch and found out that it was already 5pm. Kanina pa nakaalis si Dr. De Vega at si Drae naman ay kakapaalam lang na may imimeet na pasyente. Ise is on leave, kaya naman ako na lang ang naiwan sa clinic.
Hindi pa ko makauwi kahit alam kong kanina pa pwede. I'm still summarizing some reports and doing some encoding of patient records. Anyway, malapit ko naman ng matapos. I have to go home to change, niyayaya akong lumabas ni Ram, kasama daw ang mga friends niya.
Aaand.. As if on cue, nagvibrate ang cellphone ko sa aking mesa.
It was a text from Ram.
So excited to see u, sugarpie. I miss u like hell.
I chuckled after reading his message. Ram is the typical player, calling me every endearment he could come of.
Wrong send?
I put down my phone and resumed finishing my work. Anong oras na, ayokong gabihin dito sa clinic lalo na't mag isa ako.
My mind wandered to Ram. Ilang araw na rin kaming sagana sa sex. He is so damn insatiable, it is so hard to feed his appetite for sex. Tiis tiis siya kapag nasa work ako but when I got home. Damn! Daig pa ang preso ke tagal na nawalay sa asawa eh! Pero hindi naman sa nagrereklamo ako. I love Ram. And I would do just about everything just to keep him interested with me. Just to keep him mine.
Ang tanong, how long will I be enough for him? How long will I be able to keep him from his usual lifestyle before he's out of the door, looking for another adventure? And if that time comes, kakayanin ko ba? Will I be able to accept the fact that I am just like any other girl to him? Na pampalipas lang din ako ng oras at pag nagsawa na siya, papalitan na niya?
Before I had the chance to contemplate on my answer, my phone buzzed again.
I sighed. Araw araw na lang akong ganito. Everytime na wala sa paningin ko si Ram, napapaisip ako sa mga bagay bagay na sinusugal ko sa ginagawa kong 'to. Sa totoo lang natatakot na ko. I am not only risking my body, I am now risking my heart as well.
It was intended for u, CHARLIE. I only want u and only u. I dont want u thinking what u r obviously thinking ryt now.
As usual, napipikon nanaman si Ram. It happens whenever I tease him to other girls. Lagi niyang sinasabi na hindi siya interisado sa kahit na sinong babae. And that he only wants me. Pero hanggang kailan nga? Hindi ko magawang itanong yun sa kanya kahit kailan.
Natatakot ako sa kung ano mang maging kasagutan niya. Oo nga sinabi niya sakin na gusto niya ko, but that wasn't a permanent thing right? Napaka nega ko, Oo. I'm just being realistic. Pero mabuti na yung maging ganun kesa umasa ko na pang habang buhay ang kung anong meron kami ni Ram.
Eto na nga bang kinakatakutan ko. I have grown so attached to Ram. To the point na natatakot akong mawala pa siya sa'kin. Natatakot akong magising isang umaga na hindi na 'yung mukha niya yung una kong magigisnan. That I would never hear his baritone voice, his musical laughter anymore.
I inhaled deeply. I don't wanna dwell into this anymore. It's too.. Painful. Excruciating even. To think I would lose Ram.
Posible pala yun 'no? To fall this deeply inlove with a person na nakilala ko lang for what? Three weeks?
Akala ko kasi talaga noon, hindi na nageexist pa ang love sa buhay ko. That I've already shut down my ability to love. Simula nang dumating si Ram sa buhay ko, ang dami ng nagbago, I've crossed so many boundaries and I've commited so many mistakes. I've broken my own rules. Rules na para din naman sa kapakanan ko. Pero nagsisisi ba 'ko?
