I, Devil (a love story)

Chapter Nine: Meresin

I am murrain. I am Pestilence. Like all Devils, I have many names, but I prefer Meresin, if one is to address me directly. Which is rare. I dislike being addressed. I wasn't interested.

I was interested in the universes of the infinitely small. I saw planets inside molecules, powerful and clever, surprising and dramatic. They danced as celestial bodies did. There were stories in the very small places. After existing in a black void for so long, I felt a kinship with the very small. I felt that if I studied the least studied things that I would find a map somehow. I thought that if I understood the fabric of the universe that I could somehow tear it open. Since I could not kill myself, I thought, there must be another way.

It was on this quest that I discovered lines of bacterium could be rewritten. My understanding of the very small lead me to understanding viruses. That's how I became Pestilence.

Mirroring the discoveries in human world, it was an accident. Viruses were like a glitch that were able to slip through the Veil. They aren't living or dead. I saw myself as an angelic scientist. An alchemist. It was a breakthrough for spreading negative energy throughout the world. I invented the Black Plague. I thought if I couldn't kill myself personally, then a different way to do it was to snuff out all the human consciousnesses of the world. If the universe, God itself, was purely human consciousness-- then a way to destroy it was to wipe them out completely with disease.

This, of course, didn't work and only backfired when humans discovered hygiene and penicillin. A setback for humanity is usually also a win. Never have viruses been so well understood as they are now.

Once leaving the Void, I decided to keep myself small for the purposes of science. I never sinned against man in the very beginning-- I never took a wife. I also never merged with any of my brothers nor took their knowledge. I never consumed another consciousness nor took in anything unnecessary to my existence. Since a great deal of Earth time had passed and I never changed as an entity since the beginning, I wanted to keep it that way. My brothers saw me as being very private, secretive, distrustful. Perhaps this is so. But, we are all Devils-- so we are inherently against one another as well. Besides, so many of my brother's soul purpose is to become large, as large as God-- as to only confront the creator. I decided my purpose was to be the opposite: small, as small as can be. Maybe then God will forget that I was created and that will release me from Hell.

My suspicions were justified. Since I exited the Void, Azazel has bothered me no less than a dozen times in an effort to find a way to consume my consciousness. I felt dubious of my brother's plot to become the largest consciousness possible. It doesn't work. It hasn't worked. Every God, Goddess, angel, corporation, government, what-have-you has tried this and none has become most dominant. I wanted to be left alone to find my own way.

My view on things changed when Penemue asked me to consume him.

He found me. This was surprising because I usually make myself impossible to find on purpose. I keep my identity small. Nearly no human on Earth knows my name to summon me. I feed off the negativity from a very select group. I want my signature to be air, my vibration undetectable. I keep my footprint black as night. I often mirror energy so the human or consciousness searching for me only sees themselves. I know every trick. Yet, he found me.

Since humanities recovery over the Black Death, I decided to study the makeup of the survivors. I took interest in the humans that had bodies strong enough to either resist or defeat my creation. Azazel calls them my lab rats. I wanted to know what made them special, what made them tick? When Penemue found me, I was in Eastern Europe in what was known in the modern era as Ukraine. The year was 1667 and I was still baffled over how the human race survived my plague. I had much to learn.