I, Devil (a love story)

Chapter Ten: Meresin

I was changed after taking Penemue. I was still myself in every way I knew, as I've been unchanged since the beginning. But, I was also Penemue. I had all the knowledge he had ever collected inside of me. Since we were not well acquainted before I consumed him, this was all a curious surprise. I found myself far more interested in humanity. I took my skill and interest in observing the very small and turned its focus onto people.

I found myself obsessed by the minutia of the day to day activities. I followed my 'lab rats' (as Azazel calls them) which are a few families of humans which survived the Black Death. Most of my 'lab rats' came from eastern Europe. As time went on, I watched as they immigrated to America, fleeing the war and looking for opportunities. Several of my families, simply by chance, found themselves in the American state of Michigan. It seemed like an odd coincidence that they ended up in one place. But then, there were likely unseen forces that threaded them together. I wonder if it is the draw of the massive amounts of fresh water, acting as a conduit. The state seemed to trap certain types of spirits in the same way sugar water caught flies.

Most of my brothers look at humans in groups, not as individuals. They see the big picture where I learned to take in the small. My families were strangers in a strange land, clinging to neighborhoods in Detroit where their native languages were spoken. I fed off their negative energy, feelings of depression, despair, addiction, and loneliness.

Many of my brothers work together but some, like me, choose to live in Hell in solitary. I have experiments in which I conduct-- all with one goal: to leave this dimension. I do not wish to gain entry into Heaven, as that is too extravagant a goal. Rather, I would like to enter a lesser dimension of Hell. A Low Place. An existence not free from pain, but less pain. Humans are threatened by this idea-- of us leaving Hell-- because they assume that all Devils are negative entities by nature and mean them harm. I have no desire to convince a human of anything. I know I cannot and it is useless. My very presence unnerves even the strongest will. No human can stand my presence without thoughts of darkness. God cannot see or hear me, so there is nothing and no one to convince of my goodness or worthiness. I can just act on my own sense of self perseverance. I eat as little energy as necessary, and attempt to remain small as possible as to minimize my own negative imprint upon the universe.

I even tried ending myself to no avail, and giving myself to be consumed by another only does the opposite of my intention. I would just become part of a greater, more wicked machine. As there is no other choice but to exist-- I must try to leave. I don't know exactly where I can go or how, but I have always seen it as a math problem. The dimensions are on a spectrum wave. I just needed to move from the lower, redder vibrations to the higher, ultraviolet worlds. Earth is somewhere between, and all I wanted was somewhere less painful. I would not be alone with the aid of my assistant.

A math problem is a riddle that needs cleverness to solve. I created an assistant, Vassago, who I-- yes, mirrored after my brother Azazel. It was both to mock him and mimic him. I wanted his best and worst qualities. Azazel is the first and shining light, the first thing the Lord created in all of time and space. At first there was light, and this was Lucifer. I admire Azazel and so this was as much a compliment as it was an insult. I wanted Vassago to be able to resist or outwit Azazel if I was not there to aid him. I needed Vassago to be a step above the average demon to come with me. I wanted Vassago to have Azazel's cleverness, humanity, and ability to adapt for this project.

After creating an assistant, I needed to collect data. I wanted to understand the structures that held the universe together. I could not manipulate time like Azazel could, but I felt very competent in the Void. I felt the first thing I would need to understand is something that no one yet in all of space and time has fully understood: the Veil.