I, Devil (a love story)

Chapter Twenty Seven: Azazel

I decided to do every reckless thing I could think of and then do them repeatedly. Only, I needed it to be more reckless and destructive than anything I've ever done before. The problem was that I have already done every reckless thing I could think of. That was my job. My job was to destroy everything the Creator ever made. This time, I wanted to do it so spectacularly that it was beyond recognition. I knew what the issue was: the issue was me.

I was limited by my own imagination. I was limited my the boundaries of my personality. If I really wanted God's attention, I needed to do something I hadn't done before. I needed to look outside myself for inspiration.

I could be like Shemyaza. Shemyaza was my brother that took a wife. Shemyaza was the reason for the Nephilim. Shemyaza was the reason there was a flood. Shemyaza nearly broke the world the best that anyone had ever broken it-- next to the time I broke it, first.

Only I couldn't talk to her. Shemyaza-- (who now simply goes by Azza and she/her pronouns), was somewhere I couldn't talk to her. She was the first brother to cut contact with me, in an attempt to never become eaten by me. She absolutely refused to become one with me. She wouldn't even share information,-- none of any kind. Anything she discovered was her knowledge alone. She was the one that started the trend of other fallen angels from cutting contact. It was like they became fallen angels all over again, except this time falling away from me instead of God.

A lot of the fallen brothers began some 'identity' campaign against me. Once they realized their consciousness could become consumed- they started this militia to never allow that to happen again. I mean, to be honest, I understand. The idea of becoming consumed by the Creator absolutely repulses me, too. Only, it isn't my problem because the Creator won't even speak to me let alone attempt to nibble on my toes. So, I get it. I get the threat of not wanting to be eaten. I couldn't really blame Azza from doing what she did. However, I can't say that I like it very much, either. It's just... being the Devil is very lonely and I often miss her.

Even now, even now as I cried out to her-- I could only feel the cold, white, emptiness. Shemyaza was not, could not hear me. She refused to speak to me or interact with me in any way. I could not get her input. I could not feel her thoughts. I couldn't have her help me break everything. We could not shred the universe together in order to get the Creator's notice. I could only think of the memories we once shared, long long ago, for inspiration.

It was the last time we fallen angels made God very, very mad. Then, he changed the rules and made it impossible for it to ever happen again. We have been trying to figure out a way around it ever since (Rosemary and her baby) and never ever succeeded.

Maybe what Meresin was doing was not unlike that sin Azza committed. Meresin, after all, seemed to be in love with a human. That union resulted in the offspring of angels and humans, the Nephilim.

The big difference was the flesh. Meresin wasn't in his own transubstantiated body. He was borrowing someone else's. And due to biology, the rented human suit could not breed with Wendy. So, technically, he wasn't breaking any rules. Physically, they could not make a baby. I couldn't see how Meresin benefited from his relationship with Wendy in any way. This was the eternal question.

The only way to get answers was God. I knew she wouldn't see me and wouldn't talk to me. That was the point. Just like everyone else, I was sent downwards towards Hell and Earth to discover my purpose. I was almost as clueless as every human ever born-- given no instruction or meaning. However, humans had the ability to pray. They could sometimes get answers-- or at least hints. That wasn't true in my case. I was always out of the sight of the Creator.

I have only had conversations with God on a handful of occasions. Usually in the utmost dire of circumstances. I felt like this was one of them. I felt like we were getting there. The Veil was unusually thin, the Void was breaking through and consuming entire dimensions, the Earth's climate was looking like an inferno. War, poverty, and famine were on the rise. I haven't heard or spoken to God in ages. Now... now was the time. The Creator had to listen to me. She has to do something. Was she ever listening?