I, Devil (a love story)

Chapter Thirty Seven: Meresin

I couldn't just talk to Wendy. I didn't feel ready yet. What could I say to her to convince her to love Noah more? What could I show her? Simply showing humans the consequence of their actions has literally never worked in the history of mankind. Show them images of the apocalyptic consequence of war? They will still make bombs anyway. This is what humans do. I felt a frantic need for Noah to find love. The clue given to me by the Creator himself told me to 'Choose Love.' It was the only thing the Lord has ever said to me since... since ever. It was important. It was especially important, now, since Azazel was literally throwing parts of the universe into the Void. Now was the only time there was, and perhaps ever will be.

No pressure, I thought to myself. I knew if any of my brothers were in my "shoes" that they would think the same thing. I wasn't sure if Azazel knew that the Creator communicated directly to me, but I certainly wasn't going to tell him. The message was to me. If the Creator had anything to say to Azazel, it wasn't any of my business.

Despite all of this, I did not feel afraid. I did not feel stressed out. I only felt concern. There wasn't any urgency, except that I felt it wasn't working. I was trying to do what God said. I was trying to 'Choose Love.' Whenever I felt close, something broke apart. Like every other creature in the universe-- especially humans-- I was trying to understand love. God told me to do so. The message said simply: 'Choose Love.' I was trying to crack the code. I was attempting to understand the equation. I could see that Wendy and Noah loved one another. The vibrations were right in front of me- bright rings of white and gold in their auras. It was so close to being pure.

It was fleeting. It was capturing lightening in a bottle. If I interfered too much, the energy wouldn't be pure. And I have pushed and pushed Noah as much as I could without trampling his free-will. I've molded him into the best boyfriend he could ever be within the constrains of his personality and my ability to meddle. The problem was Wendy. She has a fleeting, fickle streak likely given to her honestly by her fairy heritage.

I can't help but remember what Raziel, the angel of secrets had said to me. I can't help but consider that Raziel knew that the Creator spoke to me directly and gave me a message. Raziel knew a lot of things that other creatures do not know. He was the designated secret-keeper, a gray angel. He was neither of Hell or of Heaven. He was also a known liar.

"You're on the wrong path," was his exact words. He appeared to me as an owl and caught me too close to possessing Noah, which is a big taboo since it can result in overstepping a human's free-will. No one but the human is supposed to drive the body--except when the human gives explicit permission. This is where things get fuzzy, but it has always been that way since the beginning of mankind.

I didn't intend on possessing him, but that hardly mattered. Raziel saw what he saw. It was my hand caught in the cookie jar. It was too late. He saw me peering in too closely. Then I realized that I must not have caught Raziel on a bad day. He did not have his sidekick with him, our wicked brother Samael. It was almost like Raziel was giving me advice. I do not want to be too proud to outright dismiss him.

"You're on the wrong path," he said. I am just not sure what that means and he did not elaborate. It is unlike him to help me. We have had our quarrels. Azazel isn't the first brother to attempt to assimilate me into their identities. Raziel has tried to trick me and eat me-- likely to gain power over the Void.

The last thing Raziel said before he left was that "he knew what I was hiding." When he stated this, it was very much framed as a threat. He went on to attempt to hypnotize me to attempt to steal my knowledge and secrets, but I broke free from his mind control.

If I were to 'Choose Love' at the level the Creator intends, it is likely love at its most pure. The golden love. The highest vibrations. It is only this level of love that can transcend all of space and time. In other words, if anything can save me-- or the broken universe-- it is this kind of alchemy. A miracle. I just needed to figure it out somehow.