I, Devil (a love story)

Chapter Twenty Three: Azazel

It only felt good for a moment. Immediately after the rush of flushing Sachiel like a giant turd down a toilet, I felt sorry for myself. It was like killing Wendy for the first time. It feels really really good, and then it feels really really bad. I wanted someone to talk to. As usual, I wanted God to talk to-- but as Sachiel pointed out selfishly, she wasn't speaking to me-- and she certainly wasn't speaking about me, either.

I didn't want to talk to my brothers. I had my issues with them, too. Such as—Meresin experiencing a kiss with a mortal? Raum was a bird and doing randomly good deeds, but wasn't much of a talker. Neither was Raziel. I hate Samael (who doesn't.) I was and always angry and secretly jealous of Adremelech. There were almost two hundred brothers, however many of them coalesced or otherwise couldn't or wouldn't be contacted. Not by me, anyway. They will speak to each other, just not to me.

These cliques of fallen angels wall off all forms of communication-- mirroring the way I separated (or fell) from God. They have 'fallen' from me. The reason being, I was told, is that they did not want to be consumed by me and therefore lose their autonomy. This leaves my social circle very, very small.

While this makes sense, I don't care and it hurts my feelings. Also, it makes me feel so alone in the universe. This is probably why my relationship Meresin chafes me so much. While pondering what to do, I decided to check my 'Lucifer' section of my personality, or soul, what-have-you.

I have, in truth, consumed a lot (most) of my brothers upon the realization that Adremelech had a plan of infinite growth. When I first 'fell' from the Creator, my consciousness immediately broke into my two-hundred or so siblings. They were sections of my personality, my entity, my soul. In a way, I was their creator, through the arrangement and nuance of their personality was not of my doing. They arranged themselves beautifully with geometry. Each angel was a snowflake in vibration, color, energy, and motivation. We often paralleled ourselves. Where I was light, brother Meresin was shadow. Where Adremelech was greedy, his twin was temperance. We were made to each be as and unique different as possible.

We were celestial beings, represented by the planets. Adremelech became as wide and grand as Jupiter. I was represented by the bright, beautiful Venus. Little Meresin was represented in the mercurial Mercury. When we separated from being one Devil-- we developed a language in the stars. The stars were representations of every angel including the fallen ones. There we were, watching in the cold blackness of the universe, both in and out of time.

Then, humans gave us different names. Experience and time altered our identities, too. We grew just as people did. Then, along came 'Lucifer'. When modern interpretations formed a tulpa of the Devil, I immediately jumped on it like an old lady at a garage sale. Mostly, people prayed to "Lucifer," the so-called Devil. The humans complaining for money were routed to Adramelech's machine, but I took over humans asking for love, fame, talent, ect.

"Lucifer" simply means light-bearer, the Morning star, or Venus. I was destined to be called 'Lucifer' sometimes, even though it was more of a description than my given name, because I am mostly represented by planets Venus and Saturn. We all have three planets representing each of us, just as humans have three sides to their souls. It was the cosmic mathematics that weave everything together.

But, I don't want to go into too many details because I don't like being summoned by humans who think they know they occult. That's why I direct all of my prayers (aka 'phone-calls') through the 'Lucifer' persona, a sectioned off area of my eternal being to take all of the crap that humans like to come to the Devil for.

"Hello, yes, this is the Devil. Yes, Lucifer Morningstar. Hi! Good morning, Gale!! Thanks for reaching out to the Devil. I'm here for you, 24/7, and I love you," said my answering service. "God hates you... but I don't!" my answering machine said. "It's totally cool if you kill your husband and offer up that energy to me! Go for it, Gale!"