You're an idiot // Winterfalcon

22

"What is it Loki?" Tony asked as him and Steve came in. Nat was sat with Wanda and Bucky. Pietro and Clint were next to them.

"Uh well I have some news..."

"Yeah we know that get on with it!" Tony said. Loki rolled his eyes.

"Alright Stark I'm pregnant there you go."

"Ha ha very funny now tell us the actual news."

"Tony I think he's telling the truth." Steve said as Loki showed them the test. Wanda smiled at Nat who was shocked.

"You knew!" Bucky said pointing at me.

"Yeah! I was the first person he told." I said laughing.

"Why didn't you tell me!" He complained.

"Because it's not my place to tell." I said sitting down next to him. He rolled his eyes slinging his arm round my shoulder.

"And after what we spoke about last night-" I elbowed him in the gut to shut him up and Bucky keeled over in pain.

"What did you speak about last night?" Natasha asked.

"Right this isn't about me, or Bucky this is about Loki! How bout you tell them how you got pregnant!"

"He changed himself into a girl." Wanda said simply,

"Thanks, now tell us Sam!" Loki said sitting down next to Natasha.

"What I- It's none of your business!"

"Yeah guys I'm fine." Bucky groaned clutching his stomach.

"Come on I didn't hit you that hard!"

"But you hit my balls Sam!"

"Oh shit did I! I swear I only went for the stomach." I said and Bucky nodded frantically.

"Sorry!"

"Oh boo hoo tell us!" Clint said.

"We we're just talking about kids and stuff that's all." I said shrugging.

"What about them! Ooh are you gonna adopt? Or do surrogacy? Or are you gonna find a way to magic yourself a vagina like me!" Loki said and my jaw dropped.

"Sorry baby fever." He said.

"There's that many ways to have a kid!"

"Well you did say you wanted one, like right now." Bucky said managing to sit back up.

"Shut up Bucky!" I hissed.

"He also called me Jamie." He said and I hid my face as people awwwed.

"It's not a big deal! I just called him a nickname and I only said I wanted a kid because of what you said before."

"What did you say before!" Pietro asked,

"I said he'd make a great dad." There was more awes of course.

"Alright shut up."

"If you both clearly want one why don't you look at ways to do it?" Wanda asked.

"I dunno it's a bit early isn't it." I said.

"How long have you been dating?"

"Uh minus the couple months we spent apart... um about 3 or 4 months..."

"Wow it's only been that long!" Nat said.

"With you two it feels like a lifetime," Loki said and I sighed, "Anyway me and Stephen are having a child at 3 months. We're happy and so are you guys."

"This isn't about us it's about you guys. By the way Strange how did you convince Odin to let you have the baby out of wedlock?"

"Oh I just told him I had a plan to propose soon. I will, just not quite yet." He said and Loki was surprised but smiled nonetheless. "But let's not change the subject Sam. What would you prefer to do if you did have a child?"

"Well if I could I'd magic myself a vagina so I could have a child the normal way but since I can't probably adoption. I don't really fancy having another bitches eggs that I don't know a part of my child."

"What if it was someone you knew?" Wanda asked,

"I dunno maybe but it depends who it is?"

"What if it was me?" She said and I frowned,

"What are you saying?" Bucky asked.

"Oh nothing. Just hypothetically."

"Well if you were comfortable with it then yeah I guess but it all depends on the situation and the timing and how ready we were." I said shrugging.

"Remember we've been together four months! This is just hypothetically right?" Bucky said,

"Yeah right." Wanda said smiling.

"Why are you guys questioning us anyway? There's plenty of other couples here! Steve kids? What are your plans?"

Steve looked at Tony, "We actually spoke about this earlier." He said and everyone leaned in to listen.

"We would probably adopt, have a few kids no more than three. Just simple."

"How long have you two been together now?"

"2 years this Christmas."

"Oh right you guys got together on Christmas!" Bucky said and I smiled at the thought.

"Why are all our relationship stories start with us being drunk?" Tony said and we all laughed.

"Because being drunk is fun." Nat said, "I haven't drunk in months!"

"Well, we may as well now!" I said and Loki crossed his arms annoyed.

"No fair! I can't!"

"Well you shouldn't have changed yourself into a girl and had sex then!" Wanda said cheekily and Loki rolled his eyes.

"By the way how'd that feel!" Clint said and Loki smirked. Natasha and Wanda groaned getting up to grab the drinks and then coming back as Loki told his story.

"It's so much better. I would honestly chop my dick off and become a full time girl if I could!" He said and I chuckled to myself.

"There's so many more nerves so it felt so much better I swear to god!"

"What did you look like?" Pietro asked.

"I'll show you." He transfigured himself into a young woman with short blonde hair and silver and green robes.

"Wow!" Loki turned to the side and you could see the very slight bump at the bottom of his stomach. He changed back and sat back down.

"I wish I could do that." I said and Bucky laughed.

"Surely it's like cheating if you have sex with someone who looks different, even if it is you."

"Hey it was his idea not mine!" Strange said pointing at Loki who rolled his eyes.

"I mean it's not really cheating is it?" I asked pondering for a moment, "no because it's still you surely!"

"Oh I don't know, it felt good that's all that matters." Loki said and the room erupted with laughter again.

See this was fun.