How to melt a frozen heart?

13. If he makes you smile

I had troubles falling asleep that night. I kept turning in my bed and I couldn't stop thinking about Niko. Fuck. This was all too easy for him and I wasn't even fighting back. Jesus Christ Miryam just don't be idiot... That guy is like everything you could ever ask and he wants you...Stop fighting it! He is the first guy ever who makes me feel like I am wanted. He pays attention even to the smallest things and I still am tip-toeing around this situation. Eventually I fell asleep maybe four hours before my alarm went off and when I saw myself from the mirror I was sure that my mom had a thing or two to say about the bags under my eyes.

And I was not wrong about that.

"Darling, you are a grown up person but you still don't manage to go to sleep on time" mom said as she was pouring some coffee for me. That caused me immediately to yawn and it made my mom just smile.

"I went to sleep on time, mom... I just had troubles falling asleep, it is a totally different thing.. Anyway, where's dad? Wasn'the supposed to be home?" I tried to change the topic or she starts to ask the reasons why I can't sleep at night and more likely give some suggestion to change my nutritions and give me some herbal tea to bring home with me. And I did not like those teas at all.

"He went to help his brother to Kerava... "
"Great.. He's never here when I come... " I was a bit sad about that. I haven't seen him for a while now.
"Hopefully he comes back before you leave. But now.. I made your favorite " mom took out a blueberry cheesecake she had baked and cut it open, handing me a piece of it. It looked so delicious.

"What is it that keeps you awake at night? Something bothering you?" she asked and lifted a piece on her plate as well. She then pulled out a chair for herself and sat down. I took a sip of coffee and tried to think what to say to her. I did not want to tell her that there was one certain Niko who keeps spinning my head around and my eyes open during the nights. Knowing my mom she'd book a visit to wedding dress shop for tomorrow, she was that badly waiting for me to get married to someone that she'd be up to anything at this point.

"Oh it's nothing.. Just.. a lot of going on at the moment.. With work and the classes" I said.

"Is that so? Why am I not really buying that?" she looked at me knowing very well that I was not telling the truth. She was too good at spotting the smallest lies but that's what she was doing for living. She was way too good reading people that sometimes it was so uncomfortable to even have these kinds of conversations with her.

"Okay... Well.. There is this one guy.. Niko. Who is maybe a littlebit interested in me and..."
"Oh, so you've finally found yourself someone. When can I meet this Niko?" Mom got excited.

I looked at her and took a bite of the cake. Just as I thought. I am sure she had the number of for the dress shop on speed dial and she was sure that we were having baby on the way as well.

"Too fast mom. I'm still figuring out am I ready to have a relationship with him or no.. " I said and continued munching the cake. Mom looked at me and placed her coffee back down. She had a smile on her lips and she then took my hand.

"Miryam, honey. If he makes you smile and keeps you awake at night, then you are in love my darling.."
My eyes got bigger than they already were. Even my mom was rooting for me and Niko and she hadn'teven met him. Was it really all this obvious for everyone else than to myself? I mean, even for Atte.

"Yeah I don't know.. He is a nice guy and... handsome.. But.."
"But what, Miryam?"
"I've just been alone for what.. five years..I'm used to be alone and now all of sudden there is this one certain human being who wants to be part of my life... He took me out to the Palace restaurant last night.. And it was not a cheap place.." I kept eating the cake like a little kid.
"Oh I know that place.. You can easily pay more for the wine than for the food there" she smiled. Yes, the most expensive bottle I saw on the list cost over 3000 euros, the rest fitted between 90 to 3000 euros.