His Scars

11. Green Eyes and Replacements

I wrote the party scene to this song. 

---

KANE

All through the day I sat next to her, and thought, "She loves me." 

The concept was so foreign. 

It wasn't that that I didn't believe in it. I saw it in my parents and they way they looked at and treated each other. And I'd seen another side of it. A side that had ruined someone I cared about.  And I had gotten caught in the devastation it caused. 

My belief in it was strong because I had seen its effects first hand. But because I knew the kind of havoc it could wreak, I could not once again be swept into it; and this time, directly. 

A fondness I didn't know I harboured, bloomed in my chest and I tried to squash it. 

No.

I could not start worrying about her feelings for me. I could not start allowing them to dictate the way I lived my life. 

My only attachments were my family.

My traitorous brain flashed the image of four people who had begun to weave their own  threads through my soul. 

I repressed a sigh. Family, and friends. Matt, Gina and Tom had gone out of their way to get to know me. 

I risked a sideways glance at Sage. She was taking furious notes, trying to keep up with the professor. Her lower lip was caught between her teeth and her brows were furrowed in in concentration. 

I had to admit that she had come to mean a little more than everyone else. 

In the days where she was close enough to touch but still felt like there was an emotional chasm between us, albeit of my own creation, I had missed her. 

She added a splash of colour and silliness to my life that I didn't have. The noise that she brought pushed out the noise that I was used to. The noise that made me feel like I was drowning.

As though sensing my gaze, her eyes flitted to me. I knew she could guess my thoughts. But she smiled sweetly at me and went back to work. 

I knew she said she was going to make this easy on me. And she was. She tried not staring at me like she did before, she was as friendly as ever without alluding to any of the extra affection she felt for me. 

It was only when she smiled at me like this, and when her gaze softened as they landed on me that her feelings were made clear. I looked away, trying to ignore the thudding of my heart in reaction to her smile. 

I hoped that the complexity of our relationship would not end up being my fault. 

---

I stepped out of the bathroom and into my room. I had my tracks on and stood shirtless, wiping my hair. 

Hearing the music blasting from my neighbour's room, I glanced outside.

There she was, playing god-knows-what, using her hairbrush as her microphone while she looked like she was rocking out to some concert. 

It was some pretty girly song about being left by some guy. I couldn't look away as she made her way around the instruments of the song, mimicking the guitar and the drums. She was definitely a comical sight. 

I watched as her body swayed to the music. She wasn't dorky about it like I expected her to be. Her hips swayed gracefully when the music slowed and she jumped up and down like she was working a stage when the beats picked up.