toxic|chan

~eight~

"Where the hell did Chan go?" JiSung's voice rings through the empty house as Chan pins me to the wall. He places his hand over my mouth and hides his face in the crook of my neck to keep himself quiet.

"Did you find him? I can't find Summer either." ChangBin groans as the two walk past the room we're in.

"They're probably together bickering. That's all they do. Then again—I'm still convinced they had sex. There is no way they both just conveniently had sex with two different people the same night after they left together. Like—that doesn't even make sense." JiSung mumbles as they stop just a few feet from the door. Chan tenses and pulls out before he swiftly moves me away from the wall.

Chan falls down on the bed and pulls me down on top of him. I take a shaky breath before slowly lowering myself down onto him. I toss my head back and bite my bottom lip as Chan grabs ahold of my hips roughly.

"Honestly—I'd be shocked if you're wrong. I feel like they're hiding something from us and we're just too stupid to see it." ChangBin groans as Chan thrusts his hips up into me.

"I swear to god if they are—I'm going to be mad. He told us that we couldn't date her—but he gets to go around having sex with her just because he wants to then snaps at her and makes her cry. Like—if he was sweet and caring I wouldn't be pissed about it, but he's a total ass." JiSung pouts as the two start off again.

"You're mine. No one else can have you. I'll beat their fucking asses if they ever lay a finger on you." Chan growls lowly as forces me down onto him roughly. He holds me still as I tighten around him. He releases inside me and I immediately regret agreeing to come into the room with him.

No condom—again. In his defense, it was very unlucky that we'd end up having sex during a music video shoot, but he told me he'd always have them. Now what do I do? I'm on birth control—but still.

"Fuck—I'm sorry—I got carried away—" Chan apologizes the moment he realizes what he did. I slowly climb off of him and grab some tissues from the nightstand. I silently clean myself up as Chan dresses himself.

"I'm sorry, Summer. I really am. Are you mad at me?" Chan asks as he wraps his arms around my waist from behind. He kisses my jaw roughly as his fingertips graze over the bruises on my hips.

"No." I state softly as I gently pry his hands from me. I move to grab my clothes as he spins around to face me. He's annoyed already.

"Don't be an ass—I said I'm sorry. I was going to pull out, but it was hard with you on top of me. If you weren't riding me it would've been easier. I couldn't move fast enough." Chan attempts to defend himself, but it's pointless. It doesn't matter what he says, I'm not going to change my stance on what happened.

I know I'm in the wrong just as much as he is. I didn't stop him. I didn't tell him no. I didn't hate it—I enjoyed it—but the moment it was over I knew I messed up again. I have to learn how to tell him no. JiSung wasn't wrong. I've known how twisted this is since it started. I deserve better—we both do.

"Just forget it, Chan. It's fine. Let's just go back before they start freaking out even more. They've probably searched this place five times by now." I pull the last of my clothes on and head toward the door. Chan places his hand on top of mine as I go to turn the doorknob.

"Let's stop—we can't keep doing this. It's only been a day and we've already had sex three times. Isn't that a little much—even for people our age." Chan meets my eyes and does his best to keep himself composed. The annoyed look in my eyes is more than liking sending him back into the mode we both know we can't keep playing with.

"Isn't it easier said than done? I'll snap at you and you'll get hard. You can't stop a natural reaction. You yell at me and call me names and I come crawling towards you begging. If I could stop it I would've already done it. Do you think I like it? Do you think I like letting myself get used by you? I hate it. I know it's wrong. I know I could do so much better. I could be with someone who actually treats me well—but here I am sneaking around with you. I don't like it—but I can't help it." I explain as softly as I can. I don't want to make him mad, but I need to get it out. I need him to know how I feel.