toxic|chan

~twelve~

"Jinnie?" I whisper softly as I rest my head on his bare chest.

"Yeah?" HyunJin hums as he rests his cheek against the top of my head. One of his arms rests loosely around my waist while he run his fingers through my hair.

"If I tell you something you won't get upset—right?" I swallow hard and close my eyes tightly as I place my palm against his chest.

"Of course not, Love. I've told you that a million times. I won't ever get mad at you. I know you always have your reasons." HyunJin reassures me as he does his best to look down at me.

"I want to have sex with you." I state as calmly as I can despite my hands slowly balling up into fists of anxiety.

"Relax. Why? Does it just feel like the right time or is there something else fueling it?" HyunJin asks without much hesitation. He's honestly curious. He has no intentions of making me uncomfortable with the question, instead he's trying to gauge how to respond.

"I want to stop thinking about him. I don't like it." I admit as I reach out to turn the water off. I can't stand here any longer. Just standing here is starting to get to me. My head is starting to spin.

"Love, I'm not against it, but I'd prefer if you were actually feeling up to it and not just to cover something up." HyunJin hops down from the counter and holds my towel out for me. I secure it around me before tugging the curtain back.

I nod embarrassed as I lower my head. HyunJin sighs and kisses the top of my head before slipping out of the bathroom so I can change. I hear him climb into bed and I slowly start to get dressed. I look at my reflection in the mirror and take a deep breath. I slip out of the bathroom and climb into bed next to him.

"I love you." HyunJin whispers softly as he trails his fingers up and down my arm. I close my eyes tightly and swallow hard.

"Breathe, Love. Nothing will happen unless you want it to. It's all up to you. The moment you tell me you don't like something I'll stop." HyunJin reassures me as he slowly shifts my head off of him so he can see me better.

He reaches out to cup my face. He leans in to gently press his lips to mine. It's soft and quick. He doesn't linger longer than necessary. The moment he's sure I got the picture, he pulls back to smile at me. He secures my hair behind my ear before laying back down beside me.

Part of me wants to pull him back. I want to feel his lips on mine again. I want to feel his body against mine, but I can't do it. I can't do something so impure with him. He deserves so much better than that. I roll onto my side with my back towards him. He doesn't object. He doesn't say a thing at all. Instead, he presses his back to mine and settles in beside me.

The sound of Chan and the others coming into the apartment makes my heart drop. They know he's here—at least Chan did. I know they won't bother me. I know they won't say a word about it. It's just how it is, but part of me wants to send him home. I feel like I'm betraying Chan even more now. It was one thing spending time with HyunJin—even kissing him—but laying in bed with him like this—it's a lot to take in.

Something in my head slips. The need to make Chan mad comes creeping back. I'd done so good at trying to keep a level head, but I can't. I roll over and wrap my arm around HyunJin's waist tightly. I pull myself flush against his body and nuzzle my face in the crook of his neck.

"Jinnie—" I mumble as he places his hand on top of mine.

"Hm?" He hums contently as I place a few awkward kisses on his exposed throat.

"I want a kiss." I whisper shyly as I roll onto my back expectantly.

"Ah—a kiss—hm?" HyunJin chuckles as rolls over to face me. He leans in to gently ghost his lips over mine playfully.