toxic|chan

~nineteen~

"You better work your fucking ass off to treat her like the princess she is. She's not perfect, but neither are you. The moment I get the slightest bit of a hint that you're not treating her how she deserves to be treated I'm cutting you off completely and taking her to our dorm. She'll stay with us. I don't trust you. You haven't given me any evidence to show me that you won't be rough or rude. I trust her though—I know she loves you more than she'll admit out loud." HyunJin scolds Chan before placing my hand in his. He turns toward me and gently tucks my hair behind my ear before pressing his lips to my forehead. It's soft and drawn out, but it's his closure so I don't object. Besides—it's not like I don't enjoy it. I really do love HyunJin—just not as much as Chan. He meets my eyes one last time before making his way back the way we came.

Chan looks at me completely confused as he pulls his AirPods out of his ears. I sigh and drop my hand from his. He didn't hear a word of what HyunJin said.

"Wait—I heard some of it—but I'm still confused. Why are you here? I thought you were staying with them tonight." Chan looks down the hall after HyunJin, but his answer is long gone.

"You win." I state as calmly as I can. I want to yell at him. I want to scold him for not taking his headphones out sooner, but I know I can't. I have to try and keep myself level headed. I can't let myself fall back into the cycle. I can't give HyunJin a reason to regret giving me up.

"What do I win?" Chan obviously didn't hear a single world HyunJin said, but there's no point in fighting with him.

"I'm going inside. Are ChangBin and JiSung home?" I question as I move toward the door. I reach out and type the code in as he trails behind me still lost.

"No--that's honestly a good thing." Chan mumbles as he shuts the door. He watches my make my way toward my bedroom silently.

I glance over my shoulder at him as he drops his backpack on the ground. He takes his mask off and tosses it down on the counter along with his AirPods. I reach for my door, but a hand reaches out to stop me. Chan spins me around and pins my arm above my head.

"I promise I'll work my ass off. I promise I'll do my absolute best to keep you happy. I may fuck up—but I'm going to try. I won't let him take you back. You weren't even gone that long—but I refuse to let it happen ever again. Seeing you with him—I felt like I was suffocating. You're mine—you've been mine most of our lives. I don't want to let your parent's cycle be what breaks us. I refuse to let that happen." Chan loosens his grip on my wrist as he stares me dead in the eyes. He looks sincere—so much more sincere than I've ever seen him look before.

"Channie—" I swallow back my tears as it hits me hard. He's not wrong. I've always been his. He's always been protecting me and looking out for me. Before the fight—we were nearly inseparable. That fight—the one before he left me for good—that's what ruined us. If that fight had never happened—if Chan had never gotten drunk—what would we be now?

That fight is what ignited the flame. It started the cycle. It's to blame for everything. It's at fault for our pain and misery. It's the cause of our confusion and regret. That one fight out of jealousy and sorrow is what ruined the perfect thing we had—it turned it into a jumbled mess of hatred and an unimaginable amount of other emotions that were just too big for us to handle on our own. That fight is what I owe my very being to. What I owe this moment to.

"That stupid fight—" I mumble softly as I stare down at my feet. Chan gently takes my chin in his grasp and forces me to look up at him.

"That was my fault. I messed everything up. One fight became endless fights. I should've thought it through more. You wanted the same thing I wanted, but I shoved my achievements down your throat and expected you to be happy for me. I knew how badly you wanted to come with me, but I ignored it and only thought about my own happiness and excitement. I'm sorry. I was selfish. I still am at times. I'm going to do my best to change that though. I promise." Chan trails his thumb over my lips. I close my eyes—completely immersed in the gentle touch.