Within The Ash

Chapter 37

I opened his door just a crack to see him laying on his back with his arm over his eyes and a joint hanging out of his mouth.

I slowly stepped inside and sat in the corner of his fort watching as his slow breaths made his bare chest rise and fall.

He knew I was there but didn't say a word as he took another hit of the joint and exhaling the smoke.

I spoke slowly and timidly as he ignored my presence.

"I really am sorry Zero"

He didn't remove his arm from his eyes because he clearly didn't even wanna look at me, but he spoke to me calmly this time.

"I'm sick of hearing your sorry Violet" he spoke in a deep voice.

"Please forgive me Zero" I spoke with a shaky voice this time allowing my tears to flow freely.

"I don't hear a girl who is sorry Violet, I hear a girl who is sorry that she got caught, those fucking tears mean not shit to me and you knew exactly what you were doing when you decided to fuck him"

I only sighed and rested my head on my knees staring at him.

"My point is, I loved you will all my heart from day one, I gave you everything, I used to wipe the tears from your eyes and I used to console your fears even when I was scared too, we faced the same darkness together and you still decided to hurt me, you have always hurt me. I used to feed you before myself Violet, I was hungry and dying of thirst and I gave you food instead"

"I never appreciated your love Zero and I'm sorry for that"

"You have to prove to me that I can trust you Violet, until than leave me alone" he said as he went quiet again.

He wasn't asleep but he ignored me as I sat in the corner. I stared at his giant hands that have always been much bigger than mine. And now that I think about it. Those hands carried the most comforting warmth In the world.

I remembered the times he ran his fingers through my hair and wiped away my tears. I remembered the times we made love and he held my body so tenderly.

He was so close yet so distant and I missed him. I missed his kisses, the warmth of his hands and the loving look in his eyes when he looked down at me. Now all I see is a broken soul and coldness.

He told me to leave but I didn't want to. I wanted to feel his warmth and I wanted him to feel mine.

I crawled over to him and laid down next to him wrapping my arms around him.

He still didn't say a word but he didn't hold me and he acted as if I wasn't even there.

I whispered within the darkness next to him.

"Do you hate me?" He was silent for a long time before his sigh broke the silence.

"No" was all he said which gave me the chance to ask the next question.

"Do you forgive me" this time he took his arm off his eyes and glared at me through those deep blue eyes.

All I saw was pain and under his eyes were red as if he had been crying. But I knew it was because of the weed and not tears.

"No" he answered coldly as he pushed me away from him and turned around the opposite way.

Zero never slept on his side, I've only ever saw him sleep on his back so I knew he was only doing this so that he wouldn't have to look at me.

"I don't want you to be in pain Zero" I said through a whisper.

"Don't worry about me, go to sleep, I'll be here in the morning" he said calmly.

Even tho he was hurt, and all of his pain was because of me, he still chose to console me, yet he didn't forgive me and wanted nothing to do with me being there with him.

Zero's POV

Of course I didn't hate her. I could never hate her, ever. And I could never hurt her or anybody smaller than me. I didn't want to look at her tho. And I didn't want to feel her warmth next to me. I wanted to be cold, at least it would be something other than the pain I was feeling right now.

I was in deep pain, this pain was something that cut deeper than the betrayal of my father and it hurt worse than when I was in that cell waiting for my death. It hurt worse than any gun shot I've ever faced.

Violet really hurt me but I still loved her. I loved her more than anything in this whole world.

I only got a few hours of sleep when I saw the sun peeking through the window of the fort.

I sat up and spoke to Violet so that she would wake up.

I covered her up with the blankets that I had used for myself throughout the night and she stared at me through tired eyes.

"I'm going out into the Forrest" was all I said before I threw on my leather jacket and walked out the door. She spoke as I was leaving through tiredness.

"When will you be back" I rolled my eyes and glanced at her from the corner of my vision.

"Don't worry about when I'll be back" I said coldly as I slammed the door behind me and set out into the Forrest where the farmer was.