Still Chasing You (Still Series #4)

Hakbang 33

"What time are you going home? Baka hinahanap ka na sa La Union," tanong ko sa kapatid na nandito pa rin.

Kanina noong sinarado ko ang pinto, umupo lang ako saglit sa sofa para huminga bago tumayo ulit para naman magluto ng agahan. Jasline's probably hungry so I cooked her breakfast even if I just wanna lay on my bed and cry all day. I'm still the eldest so she's my responsibility, especially now that she's in my condo unit.

I do really appreciate her for coming here, but I also want her to go home. May klase siya at siguradong hinahanap na! Ayaw kong... pumunta rito sila Mommy at Daddy. Ayaw ko silang makita pa.

Ni hindi ko pa nga maproseso lahat. Parang nakalutang ang utak ko dahil sa dami ng problema. First, I'm not Mommy's child. That alone shuddered my whole life. Then, the Mendozas. My another family. Gusto ko silang kilalanin pero ngayong nangyari 'to... hindi ko alam kung may aasahan pa ba ako... sa pamilyang 'yon. And there there's Benj, and my broken heart.

I could only take so much...

"Just tell me straight if you want me to go home." Ani Jasline habang tinitignan ako.

We're sitting in the dining area. Nasa harap namin ang mga niluto ko at wala pang nagagalaw sa mga 'yon. I'm not really hungry. Wala akong gana.

"I'm sure they are finding you." I said.

Umiling siya. "Nagpaalam ako."

Oh...

"Buti pinayagan ka?" walang buhay kong tanong.

Mas nawawalan ako ng gana ngayong sila ang pinag-uusapan. I'm mad, yes. But it's more of indifference.

Jasline sighed and she seems so hurt. I swallowed the lump in my throat and started putting rice on her plate.

Our relationship as siblings were never like this, but yeah... she's still my sister.

Jasline may be difficult to handle. She's not nice to everyone. She's spoiled. Kapag may gusto siya, dapat makukuha niya. I grew up giving up the things I have coz she wanted it. I won't say that I didn't get mad or irritated at her because I did. I'm no saint. But at the end of the day, when I think about it, kahit minsan labag sa loob ang pagbibigay ko sakaniya ng mga bagay na sa akin dapat, naiisip kong ayos lang din kasi... gusto ko ring nakukuha niya ang gusto niya.

I want to spoil her, too. But of course, it has limitations. Naalala ko ang mga pagkakataon na sobrang nainis ako sakaniya dahil may gusto siyang makuha na sa akin. Iyong racing car ko at noong akala ko... gusto niya rin si Benj.

"Do you know why I suggested to Mommy that you should study here in Manila?" she suddenly asked.

Natigil ako sa paglalagay ng kanin sa pinggan niya. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa at nagulat ako noong may tumulong luha sa mata niya.

"Because you want to get rid of me?" I laughed to make it light.

That, too, I got mad at her. I badly wanna stay then in La Union but when I think of it now, I'm glad she suggested that.

Nasasaktan ako ngayon pero... hindi ko pinagsisisihan na napunta ako rito.

"No..." she smiled sadly. "I don't want to get rid of you. I want you... to get rid of us."

"That's the same," mapait kong ngiti.

"That's not the same! I cried every night when you left for Manila!" she shouted.

My lips parted. I couldn't believe what she's saying. I couldn't understand her.

"Why would you cry when you're the one who suggested that I should leave?" I asked.