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77. protective older brother

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN Nolan and Nicolas Clarke was weird - and that was to say the least.

Nolan and Nicolas had always been right beside each other, ever since that late December's night in 1958 when Nolan, who was merely one years old, finally had a little brother to tease and annoy.

But, with both time and the loss of their father when they both were little, the two brothers inevitably grew into having a strange relationship - in which Nolan thought that everything was just fine, and in which Nicolas knew that it wasn't.

Nicolas was scared of his brother. No, not scared of him; but scared for him.

Because he saw his older brother grow into the most unlikeable and despicable person he knew - and he had no idea what to do about it.

So, he played along.

He tried to ignore the small voice in his head, that he sometimes was convinced belonged to his father.

He tried to not behave horribly - to not rat Claudia out, to not hex boys who showed interest in her and to not be a complete git.

He tried to not feel anything - no remorse, no anger and no fear - but eventually it all got to him.

And, eventually Nicolas found Regulus, which in turn led him to find himself slowly drift away from all the mean actions he would normally commit to.

He started to merely hum in response when his brother said horrible things and he started to let Claudia go despite all of his suspicions.

Nicolas found himself becoming both a coward and a possible hero at the same time - and he had no idea what he thought of it.

Because, just like his brother, all he ever wanted was for his mother to be proud of him.

So, when Nolan had walked inside his room late at night back in July and threatened him into not being neutral to everything and into stopping to allow Claudia to live despite her "mistakes and sins" - Nicolas couldn't help but to wonder what his mother and father, despite him not being alive, would think.

He just couldn't help but to wonder which one he wanted to be a hero to - and which one he wanted to be a disappointment to.

Because, either way, some people would see him as a coward, and he didn't want that.

The boy eventually opted for the person who was alive rather than the one who was six feet under the ground - but it took everything in him.

He wasn't scared of Nolan. In fact, Nicolas was confident that if he ever had to fight his brother he would win. He was convinced that he could easily defeat Nolan - but then he wondered if he truly could.

Because, if it had come down to it, Nolan would waste no time on cursing his own brother to his near death.

Nicolas wondered if he would be able to do the same; because he thought of himself to be a coward.