To Have and To Hold

Chapter 1

The turbulence startled her from her dream. Sitting up too fast, it took a minute to orient herself as she fought a queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. The water in her glass rippled in concentric circles, and it reminded her of throwing small rocks into the pond at Graceland as a child. Checking her watch, she discovered she had only slept an hour. Her eyes scanned the interior of the plane, and appreciated how once again the peaceful darkness was wrapped around her like a soft blanket. The pilot obviously had cleared the bad weather zone they had bumped into earlier. The monotone humming of the engine provided the only soundtrack to her thoughts now. Just seconds earlier, she had imagined hearing screams. It must have been the dream after all. Her inner ears had obviously tricked her while she slept, her dreams all revolving around plummeting into the depths of a never ending black abyss. The strange thing was that that darkness at the center reminded her very much of the dark center of a pair of eyes she could not banish from her mind.

Three more hours to go.

Three hours before having to face him.

Three hours to berate herself for the decision to take this plane in the first place.

Three hours to wonder if today's events would have changed him.

Three hours left to tell him to go to hell, turn around, and fly back halfway around the world to get home. Get to safety.

"Miss Presley? Are you ok? Sorry about the rough ride- the Captain said he would try to go a bit higher to get over the weather front."

She cleared her throat. "It's ok, thank you. I have been on my share of rough rides, believe me." The forced smile left her lips as soon as the attendant turned toward the front of the cabin.

Rough rides. Yeah, she was a veteran. The roughest ride had no doubt been her marriage to Michael. The marriage that had started with such high hopes but had crash landed into a crater of despair.

"What would you say if I asked you to marry me?"

"I would say yes."

The simplest conversation to seal the most complicated of deals. Her pact with the devil presented by a man she had once thought to be an angel sent to rescue her. The funny part was that at times she had been convinced of her calling to rescue him. He was beleaguered by those ridiculous charges and hounded by the police and the media in a modern day witch hunt. He had teetered at the verge of breaking down, at the very edge of self-destruction, and she thought it was her mission, and hers alone, to pull him back from the gulf of despair he faced. His trust had been destroyed, his innocence blundered, and yet for some reason he continued to trust her. He clung to that, and to her, like a nearly drowning survivor of a massive ship wreck clings to driftwood. Only, the driftwood usually did not get a big head from thinking it was sent by some higher power. It was just there in some random coincidence exactly at the time of need. Was that it? Had she just been a convenient object to be used by him and to be thrown back into the raging waters once he stepped on safe land? The thought hurt and brought tears to her eyes. And here she thought he could not hurt her anymore.

But no, it was not all his fault. The role of savior had been deliciously sweet and fulfilling. Finally a purpose for a rebel who so often could not pinpoint her cause. She had relished the role of protector. And protecting him had not sufficed, no, she also had to make sure he was committed to making changes. She had basically coerced him to go into rehab. When he kept avoiding what needed to be done, she used a bluff and coldly threatened to break off all contact. When he delayed his admission to the clinic, she refused to take his calls, putting all her chips on one number on this risky roulette. Elizabeth Taylor even called at one point, begging her to relent, informing her that Michael had been reduced to a sobbing mess in the face of her 'cold and abusive behavior' as the old bitty had termed it. Lisa termed it 'tough love,' and was proven right when Michael presented for his intake at the clinic only hours later. Her beliefs of what was right for him had been validated and she had won. That time.

After the ordeal of the strip search, she was his rock, never wavering, never leaving his side. She sat with him as he ranted and cried, held him when he was shaken by devastating nightmares. And yet, after all that, after everything they had been through, he chose to disregard her warnings, chose to listen to those who had abandoned him before, and stubbornly refused to listen to common sense. And worst of all, he had been unrelenting in his quest to rush through the process of building his idea of the perfect family. Of course, it was not all him. Her mother had found the weak spot in Lisa's armor and had inserted her seed of doubt, watering and nurturing it ever so subtly in her quest to turn her daughter against her famous husband.

"You think he neglects you now? Just wait what he will do when you do give him a child. Look what your father did to me. I was nothing to him anymore, Lisa Marie. I was the mother of his most prized jewel, and nothing more. Our marriage seized to exist. Is that what you want? And what if you guys split up? Do you think your child would know one moment of peace and joy? You think you had no privacy? What chance does a Presley-Jackson offspring have? How would you buy this child normalcy? How can you do that to another human being?"

Well, as it turned out, it had been a moot point anyway. She did not get pregnant. Not after she miscarried that first time. Michael had been elated at the news of her pregnancy so soon after they started sleeping together. Mr. Innocence had not been all that innocent after all. Neither had he been particularly subtle about his intentions. He had made his sexual interest in her known from their first meeting on, albeit in his very special, sweet way. At first she had been floored when she realized he was actually flirting with her. It had been so surprising, so totally not in keeping with the childlike image he had crafted. Well, there was nothing childlike in the way he fucked her. He had left her breathless and at the verge of passing out. Lisa liked her encounters to be interesting and stimulating on a physical as well as intellectual basis, and Michael completely stole her soul. Her heart had not been far behind. And her body became addicted to him so fast she never even noticed it happening.

Legally still married to Danny, she sped up her divorce after she discovered her pregnancy. Michael was frantic that word about the baby would get out and upset his mother. His plans for a huge, white wedding changed to the quickie ceremony in the Dominican Republic. Lisa found his urgency and their elopement to be very romantic. All she cared about were their plans to spend the rest of their lives as partners, lovers, and parents, and she did not care how that came about. Her mother, of course, had been horrified when the news broke, but publicly was powerless, issuing some bull shit statement about supporting anything Lisa did. If only! The only thing she had eve supported was Lisa's divorce from Michael- a national holiday in Priscilla's datebook by now.

Lisa begged Michael to keep the news about the baby to themselves, and he was excited to agree. They so reveled in their beautiful, private secret and joy. Then that horrible morning dawned, the morning she woke to unimaginable pain and soaked sheets surrounding her, drowning her body and soul in unimaginable agony. By now, the physical pain was gone, but the intense sadness rose once more, forcing tears from Lisa, which she stubbornly wiped away.

No, none of that! Stop it. Don't think about it anymore. It was for the best.

And now, now she was on her way to a wedding. Well, to be honest, she was not going to the wedding, exactly. After all she had not been invited to the wedding, only to the wedding night.