To Have and To Hold

Chapter 46

Lisa's words cut short his inner turmoil with the violence and finality of a canon fired into a rebellious crowd. Michael's mouth dropped open, and the words he could neither conceive nor form remained suspended somewhere in the diffuse light between his brain, his voice box, and his tongue. The only logical thing to do was to close the useless organ, regroup, and try again.

Finally, some odd sound squeezed by and could possibly have been misinterpreted as a "wha..." sound, having lost the "t" but hopefully still passing as some distant relative of a question.

In a helpless, partially paralyzed state he stared into the blue eyes locked to him. Sadly, Lisa didn't seem equipped to be of much help, as the expression meeting him was a mind boggling mixture of uncertainty and... surprise.

Surprise? Why would she be taken so aback? Unless he was hearing things, he was pretty sure those wondrous words had been spoken by his little unannounced visitor.

We're pregnant.

The letters took on some odd life of their own, evolving, stringing together into incandescent words, entering his mind, racing through his system, and unleashing the most intense gut reaction. Still, the meaning bypassed all logical thoughts before he was blown over and apart by the emotional twin of a blinding sandstorm. Hope, joy, love...they sliced through the layers of his skin, embedding themselves in glittering fragments into his tattered soul, making him whole, bonding shreds together.

Then, almost instantaneously, the usual side product: fear.

No kernel of hope shall exist without immeasurable terror. The golden rule of his existence anyway. You earn something and someone will try to steal it or, worse, yet, make it disgusting and cheap by running it over with envy and hatred. Nothing ever came for free. People would forever hand him supposed gifts, then present him with the bill to be signed in blood.

Like the latest betrayal of his supposed friend. A woman he had given his name to. His trust...Had her carry the most precious of treasures and was prepared to hand his greatest love again for nine months. It was still too painful to think about it.

Another great judgment call, Michael. You did it again. You have perfected the art of trusting words wrapped in flimsy sincerity and fake love. You banked on the heart of gold that suddenly changed color to coppery green, leaving nasty stains on your soul. The gilded beacon of womanhood had been revealed to be nothing else but another cheap whore.

At a time when he needed a true pal, after this senseless loss of his dear friend who was assassinated by greed and in humane lust for sensation, he had learned once more that the real joke had been on him.

Too bad he was too bled out to laugh. It had all been too much. The news of Princess Diana's horrific death. The mental images of her being hunted...feeling her fear, her panic...her final flight to escape the vultures. What were her last seconds like? Was she in pain? Was she weeping for her boys? His heart ached and threatened to burst. She had been a true light to the world, a beacon; hope that humanity and purity existed and could persevere. Then, that light had been snuffed out, just like that. And before he could wrap his heart or his mind around the loss, the rug had been totally pulled from under him, leaving him adrift in a world of pain and confusion. Loss heaping upon loss, he was left to grieve for a child that never truly had materialized from the seed of his dreams. Into all that darkness, into the blinding waterfall of tears, Lisa had thrown a torch, when she suddenly had busted back into his life. Quite literally. First, he could not reach her when he had decided he had calmed down enough to form rational thoughts and comprehensible words once again. Then, there she was. Out of the blue. With noise and demands- and never had an intruder looked more miraculous to him.