To Have and To Hold

Chapter 42

Michael's eyes closed. Talk about ripping the bandage off- together with his skin, leaving him raw. And scared. Bull's eye. She hit the truth with one well aimed arrow. How come he felt like she missed the apple and split his head instead?

Michael swallowed hard. Tasted sandpaper...

Lisa knows....Lisa knows...

Of course it had been obvious. He had seen it in her face earlier. Had recognized full well she had figured it out. Anemia...like she really had thought Deb was anemic. Why didn't he just come clean then? It would have been over with by now. Sure, he wanted to tell her with all his heart, but for the life of him he could not again watch the full moon of her pain rise in her eyes. Still- he had opened the door- and she had slammed it shut. Granting them a small reprieve. Well, the water had finally drained out of the fishbowl. The magical colors of the rainbow were nothing but drab backdrop in a movie studio.

When he opened his eyes again, he was almost surprised at the presence of stinging tears. Why was reality always so painful?

Ok, you can do this- she knows. How bad can it be? She knows and yet she went out to dinner and stayed. Maybe, it won't be all that bad.

He felt like a man watching the hurricane approach while opening the windows to the house.

Just be honest...she appreciates honesty...

"She had a...a..procedure...the in-vitro...done a couple of weeks ago." His voice made a boring news reporter sound lively.

Her fingers felt lifeless and he somehow was afraid she'd slip from his hold any second now.

"I see..."

That was it? I see? Spoken in a strange, colorless tone scaring the shit out of him.

He finally turned around and faced an almost plastic impression of the woman he thought he knew so well. Her eyes were downcast, depriving him of an accurate read.

"Lisa...you gotta understand. It was planned before...before...I ...before we....before I thought there was a chance again. We...her and I...we got a contract and..."

She had to understand this was all so far removed from how he wanted to have a family with her. It was a surrogacy deal. Nothing else.

"Well, if you got a contract I guess you gotta see you get the most of that, don't you?"

"Lisa Marie..."

She was weirdly calm. This was not right. It was an odd thing to miss her yelling, screaming, lashing out at him...smacking him...or trying to, anyway.

Getting up from his chair, he still held her hand, which had become slack and lifeless. Finally, she pulled from his hold, fisting both hands at her side, playing with the fabric of his robe.

Lisa stood before him, deflated... She visibly seemed smaller than she already was. Still not looking at him, her face was in the shade of her hair. He noticed she started to bite her lip.

"Well...cool. Congratulations...I guess..."

What? This was scary and freaked him out big time.