Not Enough (complete)

13. Just friends

"BoBo, you have such a beautiful girlfriend, why didn't you bring her home to meet me earlier?"

After being 'caught' kissing a girl by his mother and his... Xiao Zhan still didn't have a status, Wang Lu insisted that Yang Zi stayed behind for lunch.

She had never seen Yibo with a girlfriend all his life and she was a little excited to see that one existed. It was normal for youngsters to hide their relationships but Yibo was an adult now, there was no need keeping it hidden anymore.

Yang Zi sat beside Wang Lu, Xiao Zhan sat on a single sofa while Yibo sat on a wooden rocking chair opposite him.

Yang Zi knew of Xiao Zhan's feelings and the last time she checked, Yibo didn't return those feelings so she felt it was okay to pursue him. Seeing the way Yibo sat nervously rocking the chair, she could tell that it was all a mistake. Yibo might not have admitted his feelings but they were there. He felt them, he felt the same way as Xiao Zhan.

Xiao Zhan sat there, he wanted to leave but if he did, it would be obvious something was wrong. This was the second time this was happening. They got intimate and the next day, Yibo hooked up with a girl, the same girl.

Smiley emoji, what the fuck was that? Why did he feel it was Yibo's way of acting cute? Of being shy? Why didn't he realize that was just Yibo's way of mocking him?

"Ma... She's not...", he wanted to say she's not my girlfriend but he realized Xiao Zhan, the person whom he really wanted to explain himself to, wasn't listening.

His mother was too busy asking Yang Zi about her family, her background, what she studied... she was trying to get to know the person her son was dating.

Yang Zi knew from the moment Yibo set his eyes on Xiao Zhan and pushed her away that his heart belonged to someone else, she knew there was no place for her there. What Yibo felt when he heard her story was pity and understanding. He had gone through what she went through. That was the reason she told that story, so Yibo could understand her actions. As for the kiss, she came on to him. As for why he kissed her back, well, maybe he didn't want her to feel bad or he was curious but when it came to love, she knew his heart was already taken.

Yibo sat staring at Xiao Zhan, though Zhan's mind was far away. Yang Zi could see the pleading look he had in his eyes, in his heart, he was begging for Xiao Zhan to look his way. This was the same look Xiao Zhan had in his eyes when he said he already had someone in his heart.

She was a lot of things but she wasn't someone who would come between lovers. Though, it was obvious they were not dating yet, she couldn't help thinking maybe, just maybe something changed between last night when she last saw them and now.

Even though his actions all pointed towards the fact that he might have feelings for Xiao Zhan, Yibo still couldn't process what those feelings were. He was sad seeing Xiao Zhan this way. Now he fully regretted what he had initiated the previous day. If he hadn't done that, he wouldn't have passed on the wrong idea to Xiao Zhan. Now, he not only had to apologise for what he saw, he also had to apologise for what happened the previous day and tell Xiao Zhan his feelings weren't the same as his. This was too much trouble, what was he to do?

Xiao Zhan had given up but he, he just couldn't let him be. He was being cruel but stringing someone along just so he didn't look bad was even worse. It was best to tell Xiao Zhan what he felt once and for all.

Yang Zi got up to leave, Yibo was going to see her out. When they stepped out of the door, Xiao Zhan used the opportunity to take his leave, promising to come visit at a later time.

Wang Lu delayed him for a bit, talking about how she wanted to meet Xiao Zhan's girlfriend now that she had met Yibo's own.

As Xiao Zhan was leaving, he met Yibo by the door coming in. His first instinct was to pull him away, he did just that. As for where he was taking him, he hadn't figured it out but whatever he had to say, he was sure it was better not to say it close to where Yibo's mother was.

"A-Zhan, stop. You're hurting me". As Xiao Zhan pulled him away, his fingers dug into his skin. Yibo bore with it for some time but he didn't know how long Xiao Zhan was going to pull him for.

"So, you know the meaning of the word 'hurt'? Yibo, if this hurts you, how do you think I feel?"

One part of Yibo wanted to say sorry but...

"Hurt, why were you hurt? Because you saw me kiss someone? Xiao Zhan, you're not my boyfriend, at least not yet. You said you weren't going to give up on me but maybe you should".

His words stabbed right at Xiao Zhan's heart.

"I know last night, I might have misled you, I take full responsibility for that. I'm sorry. All that happened, was a mistake that happened in the heat of the moment. Also, I was a bit tipsy. If I was clear headed, I don't think I would have done such a thing. I led you on, I'm sorry".

"..."

Yibo felt the hand that was holding tightly to his wrist loosen up slowly, finally Xiao Zhan let go of him completely.

Yibo had seen Xiao Zhan cry a few times but this was the first time he had seen Xiao Zhan cry for him. At some time, Xiao Zhan's eyes had begun to water. Yibo could tell he was fighting back the tears but he couldn't hold on. Yibo knew he was hurt but it was better to let him go, not to lead him on.

"Yibo listen, I know you might be confused, I will give you some time to think and figure out your feelings. I know you're having double thoughts because of Yang Zi but don't rush into a relationship... with either of us. Think about it Yibo. After some time, if you insist you feel nothing towards me, I'd never speak of it again". At this point, Xiao Zhan was close to being desperate but he knew pushing and edging the person in front of him wasn't going to result in anything good.

"A-Zhan, there's no need to think about it. I was confused before but now I know. I want nothing more from you other than friendship..."

"Lies... Yibo that's a lie. You have...", Xiao Zhan's voice trailed off right there. He was going to say 'you have feelings for me' but who was he to enforce feelings upon another.

"A-Zhan, I understand I got you confused all over again, I'm sorry".

"If you're sure you don't have feelings for me, what was last night for?" Xiao Zhan internally dreaded the answer to this question.

"Well, I...", Yibo couldn't put how he felt into words. "I...was overwhelmed by the fact that you have loved me all these years. I'm sorry..."

Well, that was it. A valid explanation, one that Xiao Zhan could understand. He wiped the tears off his face, smiled at Yibo then turned to walk away.

Yibo stood on the spot watching Xiao Zhan's receding figure until he turned away from his sight, only then did Yibo sigh in relief. He was sorry for hurting his friend once again but it was better to let him know the truth. He felt... fine.

Yes, he felt fine. That heavy feeling in his chest, the one that made him almost unable to breathe thinking he had ruined his own happiness, the same one that made tears roll down his face the moment Xiao Zhan left his sight... that was the feeling of being 'fine'.