Identity Crisis

Tuesday, 11.3, Tom

I went back to school and poof it was like exercise, sticking to the challenges. To be afraid of doing something wrong every day.

I walked past Rikki and noticed that she looked different than usual. Her hairstyle stayed the same, but her makeup and style were different. Before that, she always had that bad girl look. >>What happened to you ... You-you look up like Claire.<< I informed her. I saw the fiery expression and it could explode like a bomb at any moment, but it remained calm. >>Oh, like Claire, so? It wasn't my intention to copy other people.<<, she said with a smile.
It wasn't, because it was Tim's.

It was probably her job to make an innocent girl. I kept walking and suddenly met Claire. She also looked very different from Rikki. She embodied a cute bad girl, although I'm not even sure, even though this kind of girl even existed. She chewed chewing gum at school, which was forbidden there, and wore raccoon makeup.
>>Ooh Tom, I heard what happened in history.<< she muttered.
Now was my chance. I had to be mean.

>>And now? God, your makeup looks like shit.<< I hissed, looking down at her. At first she stood there as if traumatized only with her eyes and mouth open, but then she pushed me against the wall. >>Are you serious or do you like me.<<, she whispered in my ear.

I was in a trance and as hard as I could tell, I had to admit that I liked how naughty she was. I noticed my little friend was getting harder down there. I didn't feel like having an erection at school. I saw how I kept losing control of my own decisions.

After all, she's never been so close to me. I could smell their perfume. She looked at me with big eyes, grinning. Pull yourself together. You are not here to flirt with her. I pushed her away.
>>Have fun with someone else. <<

>>Oh my god.<<, she said suddenly and looked to the right. >>There.<<, she indicated. >>Nicole smooches with such an unknown boy.<<

I watched briefly. They kissed long and hard and I was curious who she was kissing. Meanwhile, I fantasized it was Claire and me. As they moved away from each other, I realized it. It was Dan. Tim and Bella came up to them and talked. On Saturday Dan was still the stranger who talked little and now he was hanging out with them? I never thought something like this would happen, or did I live in a parallel universe?

We had Mrs. Kingsley in class.
She was very nice, so I had to come up with something to make her angry. I wasn't fully conscious in math, but I saw her write an equation on the board.
>>Lisa is right. The answer is three.<< she explained.

I answered and then she took my turn. >>Yes, Tom?<<
>>You forgot to write down the amount of solution. I can do it if you want.<< I remarked. I loved correcting other teachers. Especially when I realized that they hated it.

>>Ooooh.<<, said the whole class then.
Mrs. Kingsley rolled her eyes and thanked me. I grinned. >>If you don't like being corrected, you can just say so<<, I suggested.
Her expression grew gloomy:
>>This is disrespectful. Please excuse yourself.<<

>>Why should I if it's the truth. YOU should apologize.<<, I said then.
>>You will be detained today and write an essay on how to deal with other people and I will write to your parents today.<<, she hissed.
I looked triumphantly at the window. One point for Tom Brown.

After the break the time had come. I had to go to detention. I was alone in the room with my teacher and that scared me. She gave me a scrutinizing look. Maybe next time I should be happy, but not too soon.

>~Tom, you are usually a very good student. she'll never do that again. <<
I looked at her with wide eyes. >> WHAT? That's great. <<
I would do anything to prevent her from doing it. Suddenly the door opened and Claire came in. >>I'm sorry for the delay.<<, she apologized. There was silence and Claire hummed softly. I was almost done. I was missing a page and it had been half an hour.

She was there too. Serious? She was starting to really piss me off, in a good way. She crossed her legs and only saw the blackboard.
>>Okay, since you are both here, you will write me a five-page essay on how to deal with the elderly!<<
We both nodded. Mrs. Kingsley went into the next room and gave us forty-five minutes. Claire and I both concentrated on the essay.

I felt her staring at me. This time it was the same again, not like this morning. Be mean to her, pull yourself together.

>>Am I going to the cinema that you stare at me? You'd be the worse movie. <<
Claire had to be mean. I gave her a mean look and she looked back, with a look that was innocent for the first time, but which darkened over time. However, you could tell how insecure she was and then she spat at me and laughed like she was drunk.

>>YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING.<< I grumbled.
>>Admit it. You enjoyed it this morning.<< She deviated from the subject.
I didn't want to think about this morning and didn't answer.

There was silence and Claire hummed softly. I was almost done. I was missing a page and it had been half an hour. >>Tom, may I tell you something funny.<< she asked.
I sighed: >>No!<<
>>I'm invited to a party tomorrow and you? Are you going with Mick and Mandy
celebrate?<<
She knew the answer because she must have seen me sitting around with Leo.
>>No? Not even your loose friends want anything from you.<<

The first time I wanted to hit her, but not out of sheer anger. It was a sexual desire. >>At least there is nobody who imitates me like you do. Rikki.<< I replied.
Claire looked at me with her mouth open: >>What. Do you think I'm pretty? <<,
I sighed loudly and went on writing. Mrs. Kingsley stepped in and wanted our texts. After I got home my mum asked me where I was and I told them I was studying math with Mandy. Fortunately, I was good at lying.