15. No Words

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I took out my phone and googled my name

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I took out my phone and googled my name. The photos Ava was talking about were there. In one of them, Karina and I were kissing. 

My gaze darted from the screen to Ava's face. She lowered her eyes to her delicate hands resting in her lap.

"We met at Riley's birthday party," I said. "We talked, and I asked Karina out."

Ava studied her nails. "I figured you did."

I put the cell down. "I didn't know the pictures existed. I like keeping my private life private, but it's clear what I like doesn't quite matter. And I would apologize, baby, but the only thing I'm sorry for is that you had to see me kissing someone else."

Ava's jaw trembled. I lifted my hand and placed my palm on her cheek. What I was saying caused her pain, but if I lied, it'd be worse. I promised her my honesty. I said there wouldn't be secrets between us, and I intended to keep my word.

"We went to dinner, to a club, and ended up at her place later. We had sex."

Ava took a shaky breath. "Yeah. I saw how you looked at her."

"Not in the way I look at you, that's for sure. So, after that, we went out once more, and on our second date, I told her there wouldn't be a third."

My thumb rubbed tiny circles on Ava's cheek. It was still wet from crying, and my heart clenched. Hell, it hadn't stopped clenching since I saw her in those pictures and read the hateful comments.

"There was nothing," I went on. "It took me two dates, well, one date and a half to realize she wasn't for me. There was no chemistry between us. No complicity. No fucking butterflies in my stomach, so there was no point in seeing her. If I'd known I would meet you two months later, I would've waited. But there was no way to know, and I went on a few meaningless dates hoping that maybe I would like someone enough for something deeper, but I didn't. And then I met you."

I edged forward and cupped Ava's face with both hands this time. "I know where the insecurity comes from, but you know what? You should be proud of being yourself. You're the prettiest girl I've seen, even without any makeup on. You're beautiful when you wake up and give me a sleepy smile. You're gorgeous when you write at your desk and frown at the screen. And I've only ever loved you. 

"I'd love to believe you love me for who I am because I fell for you because of who you are. I felt you were special the minute my eyes met yours. Call me crazy, but I couldn't stop thinking about you even though it took me weeks to call you. You have no competition, Ava. And absolutely no reasons to feel insecure."

"Imagine being in my shoes," Ava mumbled. "They showcased my worst moments before I had a chance to, I don't know, introduce myself? I opened the door in my worst clothes. I couldn't even work because people cornered me at the store."

"You've seen what I wear at home, baby. Home is supposed to be your safe place. Who the fuck looks ready for a photoshoot all day? Those fuckers crossed all lines, and I fucking loathe it. I hate who gave them the info even more, cause your home is one thing, but they also went to your workplace."

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