Don't Save Me

Chapter 58: Sunrise

I tossed and turned that night, overwhelmed by feelings. Albus's and Minerva's words replaying over and over while my own replayed in my mind. I'd lose the other for good. It felt strange being in this room without Severus by my side, his body heat keeping me warm. The times his arm would wrap around my waist, his face pressed into my neck as sunlight streamed through the windows. Other times where I would lay on his chest, listening to the sound of his heart as his hand moved slowly up and down my arm, his other one playing with my hair. These were the moments I knew I would miss when we graduated. Everything would change for us.

I rolled over, looking at a small clock on the bedside table. 4:34am. Gross. I slowly pushed the covers off me and rolled out of the bed, trying not to make noise. I slowly made my way toward the door before carefully slipping out the door, down the hall, and toward the kitchen. As I reached the kitchen, pulling a cup from the cupboard, and turning on the tap, I realized I was not alone.

"Can't sleep?" Minerva asked, quietly. I quickly turned off the tap, turning to face her, gripping the cup tightly in my hand. She chuckled, softly. "That's not going to help you sleep dear. That's going to make you have to pee but it won't relax you. Let's get you some tea.." She stood up, making her way toward the stove, grabbing a small kettle. "Take a seat, dear." She poured me a cup of tea as I took a seat. She placed the cup in front of me, taking a seat across from me.

"So, what's troubling you, dear?" she asked as she took a sip from her cup.

"Nothing, I just can't sleep... looks like you couldn't either," I chuckled, trying to take the focus off of me. She chuckled before nodding.

"Nothing to worry about, dear. Just enjoying a nice cup of tea before heading to bed," she replied, smiling as she took a sip of her tea, looking out the window of Gryffindor tower. The moon was brighter than ever and it cast an eerie glow over the grounds. "Now, how about we quit avoiding the topic and discuss why you are awake at this hour?" she smirked, knowingly.

I chuckled, taking a sip of my tea. "Just a lot on my mind, I guess."

"Hmm... Would it have anything to do with a certain best friend? Or should I say two best friends?" she chuckled, wiggling her eyebrows. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips as my cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

"Thought so," she replied, smiling. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"It's complicated, Minnie. I feel different things for both of them... and I don't want to lose either one of them, plus I don't even think they feel that way for me so if I admit the way I feel... it could ruin our friendship... at least I don't think Severus does."

"And Sirius?"

"Remus told me he thinks Sirius has a crush on me but that was years ago..."

"Well, Y/n... If I may.... I see the way they both look at you. I think anyone can see they have feelings for you."

"Apparently everyone except me," I chuckled.

"That's usually how it goes," she responded. Her laughter filled the room, brightening the previously dim atmosphere. "You said you feel different things for each of them... what do you mean?"

I looked down, not knowing how to explain it. I began playing with my fingers, suddenly becoming very interested in a broken nail, as I shrugged, not meeting her eyes.

"Y/n... you can talk to me, you know?"

I sighed, looking up at her.

"Well... I don't really know how to explain it. Severus and I have been friends for years but we've always had this..."