Don't Save Me

Chapter 20: My Fault

TW: Description of death and trauma

"Not really... not if it's actually my fault." Their eyes locked on me as the words left my lips.

"Y/n... that couldn't possibly have been your fault," Narcissa says, quietly.

"When I was a kid I used to play in the creek behind our house. I was always told not to because the current was really strong and the rocks beneath the water were dangerous. I never listened and one day... I fell into the water. The current was pulling me under and my aunt heard my screams. She came running out of the house with my uncle and..." I paused as sobs threatened to overtake my body. I stood up straight and wiped the tears, focusing on finishing the story. "My aunt pulled me out of the water, but... the current pulled her under and she hit her head on a rock beneath the surface. It was quick... There wasn't much time for us to react or do anything other than scream. I tried to run to the creek and pull her out but my uncle stopped me... he pulled me away from the creek and... he locked me in the basement that night. That was when it started..." I trailed off as I looked up and saw their eyes filled with tears. Dobby walked up to me and took my hand in his, tears in his eyes. He didn't say a word but his eyes communicated so much. I could feel his sympathy but his eyes held no pity and, for that, I was grateful. It was a few moments before he finally spoke.

"I'm sorry for all you've endured... Miss Y/n," he said, softly. I nodded as tears continued spilling from my eyes. "But her death was not your fault."

"He's right, Y/n. You were a child," Narcissa says, softly. "There was nothing you could've done and that was not your fault." Their words broke something within me as those words were something I never thought I'd hear. For years I had been told it was all my fault and I deserved to suffer. The strong facade I had been holding onto for years was crumbling and there was nothing I could do to stop it. They knew too much. I had been holding onto this secret so tightly for so many years. I felt a weight lift off my shoulder as I now knew that someone else held the secret with me... knowing that I was no longer alone. However I knew this couldn't last and as quickly as the facade had broken, I had quickly repaired it. My Occlumency walls were once again put up, my jaw tightened, and I wiped the tears from my eyes, leaving no evidence they were ever there.

"I- I can't do this right now." I quickly pull my hand from Dobby's grasp and move toward the door, but before I open it I turn to face the Malfoys and Bellatrix. "Thank you for keeping my secret... I hope I can trust you not to say anything. By keeping my secret... not only are you protecting me, but... you are protecting everyone I care about..." I pause before continuing, "Including yourselves." I turn away and walk out of the guest room, leaving the manor and my secrets behind as I returned to Hogwarts, ready to hold the facade I was so used to. I left my secrets in that manor and that is where I hoped they would stay. I simply hoped I could trust the Malfoys and Bellatrix to keep quiet about what they knew.