Desugared

30

Ayie

"Paeng!

"No! No! Paeng!"

"Paeng! No please, no please!"

"Yie."

"Ayie."

"Ayie, anak!"

"Ma! Si Paeng!"

"Anak?"

"Si Paeng Ma!"

I cried inside my mother's embrace. I was weeping masakit sa puso na dalawang beses mawala ang pinakamamahal mo. Masakit, mabigat sa puso.

"Anak..."

"Ma, si Paeng."

I was crying out loud when Paeng suddenly barged in. Nagulat ako kasi nasa bahay pala kami na higit sa lahat, buhay si Paeng?? Teka, is this a dream?? He just had a flat line and we were in the hospital!

"Love, okay ka lang?"

I looked at him then pulled him near me to inspect wala syang sugat? Buhay sya? This isn't a dream??

Then he laughed hard.

"Masama talaga epekto ng melatonin sayo Love."

I creased my brows.

"Anong nangyari Paeng? Akala ko ba okay na si Ayie?"

Mama asked Paeng.

"Disoriented lang po si Ayie, Ma."

Paeng let me drink a glass of water.

"Buhay ka ba talaga??"

"Love, panaginip lang yun."

"Pero nahulog ka sa dagat! Nawala ka ng ilang taon!"

"Love, hindi nangyari yun."

"Hindi nangyari?!"

"Love, yun ang last drama na shinoot mo tapos nalaman natin na buntis ka. Walang masamang nangyari, at oo Love, buhay ako."

I hugged Paeng.

"Sabi ko naman sayo wag ka na magtake ng melatonin at sleeping pills. Love, kalma, masamang panaginip lang yun."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

Ooga, hindi nangyari. Nanaginip na naman ako ng masama. Sobrang sama.

Then suddenly loud baby cries echoed throughout the house. Mama rushed to the room next to ours.

"Oi, mga apo ko, andito na si Nanay, hindi na iiyak yang mga tabachoy ni Mamala."

I smiled. Oonga, panaginip lang ang lahat, I am beyond blessed. Walang aksidente. All of those were the scenes in my last drama. Just that after giving birth to these little ones, I had postpartum anxieties. Puyat na puyat kasi ako kaya nagtake ako ng sleeping pills at melatonin, kaya siguro na disorient na naman ako.

"Chacha, Rafraf, Nanay is here."

"And Tatay too."

Mama smiled at us.

"Patahanin nyo na yang mga tabachoy ko na yan at baka mamayat, kailangan ko na puntahan si Papa nyo at baka yun naman ang magtantrum."

Mama kissed us and leave.

"Ayan na naman, unahan na naman kayo kay Nanay, hinay hinay mga anak."

I smiled at Paeng na buhat buhat si Rafraf pero pilit akong inaabot. Magthree months pa lang yung kambal pero yung bigat nila halos pang 1 year old na.

I sat on the sofa ang breastfeed these two. Yes, hindi pwedeng hindi sila sabay kasi maguumiyak ang isa. I gained weight when I got pregnant pero mabilis ding nawala dahil hands on Mom ako na parang laging may dalang weights. My kids are both clingy but I am happy the way they are.

The day I knew I was pregnant, I was shooting a movie in Dubai. Paeng immediately flew at nagkaroon kami ng mahabang pagtatalo para matapos ko muna yung on-going project ko. After that project, I paused my career to enjoy being a full time mother and wife. Ito lang din yung panahong ko na naging anak at kapatid ako na laging present sa lahat ng event sa buhay nila Mama, Papa at Keion.

Now, I enjoy these days I am with everyone I love the most. Yun nga lang may mga episode ako na disoriented kapag nagigising. Dahil siguro sa sobrang ganda ng role ko sa last movie ko, sobra akong nahook na nagkaroon ako ng hang-up. Tapos nagkaroon pa ako ng post-partum anxiety kaya naman gulong gulo ang sistema ko. Though I am getting better, I still would like to cherish my days with my babies. Kapag one year old na ang kambal, tsaka na lang kami babalik sa Pilipinas. And for now, I will reward my parents to enjoy me and my kids.

Paeng is working with Papa. Wala naman syang maraming choice. Oh well, kahit ayaw ni Papa kay Paeng, masyado nya kami mahal ng mga apo nya para magalit kay Paeng. My father was a little tamer than Daddy Matti and Uncle Akim kaya lagi kong nireremind si Paeng na sya pa rin ang pinakaswerte kahit sinusungitan sya ni Papa.

So usually, I spend my day playing and staring at my babies. Sobrang nakakaubos ng oras ang tingnan lamang sila. Nakakatuwa kasi ngayon, marunong na sila ngumiti at nagreresponse na sila.

"Cha-cha! Raf-raf! Papa is home."

I shook my head. Isa pa sa ikakabaliw ng asawa ko ay ang labis labis na pagkahumaling ni Papa sa mga anak ko. Papa usually works lesser than he is required dahil feel na feel nyang lamugin yung dalawa. Mas marami pang time si Papa kesa kay Paeng that most of the time, these litte chubby bunnies prefers their "Papa" than "Tatay" kasi nga naman si Tatay lagi overtime, si Lolo, I mean si Papa, always at home.

"Wow, naunahan ako umuwi."

"Babe, kamukha ko sila no?"

"Oi Lukas, excuse me, size pa lang sa akin na sila nagmana. Wag ka nga jan."

"Look at their eyes, they are like mine."

"Nope, they are like mine."

"Mama, Papa, dalawa naman yan, tag-isa na lang kayo ng kamukha."

Keion laughed! Nakakatawa naman talaga ang parents ko oh. They've been nothing but doting grandparents. Iniinggit pa ni Papa si Daddy Matti kasi wala syang apong kambal.

"Love."

"Hi Love, ginabi ka."

"Ako pina-attend ni Papa mo ng board meeting."

"Aw. Kawawa naman ang mahal ko. C'mmon, dinner?"

"Saan na yung dalawa?"

"Sa kwarto daw nila Mama muna."

"Tayo talaga ang nanghihiram no?"

I smiled and kissed Paeng.

"Sorry Love. But don't worry, ikaw naman talaga ang kamukha nung dalawa."

Paeng put his arms around my shoulders.

"Parang nakakaencourage na gumawa ulit ng kambal."

"Oiiiiiii! Hindi pa naglalakad yung dalawa ha!"

Paeng smiled with his eyes so focused on me.

"I love you Love. Thank you for bearing it all."

Paeng make me face him and caressed my face.

"Just always remember this, I love you so much Love, more than the stars in the sky."