butterflies // stenbrough

- Bill -

Bill was helping Stan to clean up the arts and supplies cabin. Beverly kept chewing them out about how messy their kids left it. Their kids weren't even helping, they were off zip lining with Bowers. He hated to leave them with Bowers but Bill nor Stan had done the zip lining course, unfortunately it was the only choice.
    They were alone in the cabin. Bev swore she wouldn't lift a finger to help them. Bill's mind thought to that night every time he looked over at Stan. He hated being alone with him and he hated that he felt that way. It should be something he can just put behind him and forgot ever happened, convince himself that it didn't mean shit. But looking at the boy with crayons in hand only lead to that memory and the feelings with it. It was like a moth to a light, he knew it would end badly but he couldn't help but feel drawn to him.
    He reached over to pick up a paintbrush in the middle of the table, Stan reached as well. For a second their hands touched, until Bill pulled away blushing.
"S-S-Sorry" He stammered.
"Oh my god," Stan sighed "We have to talk about it now."
"About wuh-wuh-what?" Bill asked, hoping his fake confusion would work, though he knew it wouldn't.
    "On the night we played Capture the Flag. When we were alone in the woods, we held hands sort of. You've been weird around me since so we need to like talk about it." Stan said, letting everything out.
   "I-I'm not like q-q-queer or anything." Bill said, he felt the need to defend himself, he wasn't sure why, Stan wasn't attacking him.
"I'm not saying you are." Stan replied.
"I-I-I don't know wuh-wuh-what came over me." Bill claimed, making up the words as he went "It was late and I wuh-wuh-wasn't thinking r-r-right." He decided that was the best story, not just for Stan, but for himself too.
"Okay, good. So there was no certain intent or feelings that night?" Stan said, Bill thought he heard a tinge of disappointment but he quickly dismissed that idea.
"No, of c-c-c-course not." Bill stated, trying to make it sound as factual as possible.
"Great. Now that we cleared that up, we can just continue on normally and we don't have to be weird around each other anymore, right?"
"Right."
"Now let's actually clean up this cabin before Beverly hangs us on the zip line." Stan joked.
Bill laughed and continued to put away various art supplies. It felt easier now, the uncomfortable air was gone. At least collectively. Individually, Bill was still freaking about that day. Freaking out about how he felt, how he liked Stan's hand, how much he enjoyed that night, and the absolutely terror he felt when he heard Beverly. He felt ashamed, and he felt shame about being ashamed. How could he feel shame when it didn't mean anything. You can't feel bad about something that you just don't feel anything about.

He just couldn't pretend that he didn't feel anything that night.

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Okay so it's probably some completely different random time when you're reading this but as I write it, it is currently Eurovision national final season and I'm getting really into the eesti laul. What To Make Of This, I Hope and Meeletu are my top three !!