butterflies // stenbrough

- Bill -

Bill and Stan's relationship had reached a new happiness peak. Stolen moments were still as perfect as ever, however their relationship had progressed past more than simple kisses. Trust had always been present in the coupling, but now it was stronger than ever. Bill knew something about Stan that no one else knew, and vice versa. It had only been a week or so since they met, but Bill could confidently say that he was closer with Stan than anyone else. That's why making out in their cabin was no longer awkward, as they were doing now.
    "I'm so glad they invested in the zip line course." Stan said in between kisses.
    "Same" Bill smiled into the kiss as he felt Stan's cold hands on his warm back, anyone else would have freaked him out, but Stan's coldness felt warm to him. Every touch of Stan's fingertips shot adrenaline into his body and reignited his passion, over and over again . He hoped that Stan felt a similar happiness when Bill's hand grazed his back, it definitely did something for Bill. Every spot of Stan's body was perfect to him and any contact, whether it was Stan's hand on his back or vice versa, was heaven to him. He wished for that heaven again,
"M-May I?"
"Yes." Stan said without a pause and Bill happily brought his sweater over his head. Trust, even make out sessions were better with it.
    He could barely contain himself after he felt Stan's bare back on his hand. His hands warmed on the chilly contact and passion shot through his arms.
    "Well," Bill quickly pulled away as he heard a familiar voice in the doorway "How the tables have turned."
    He rolled this eyes at the curly haired trashmouth and prepared a sarcastic response, but his words died on the his tongue as he spotted another familiar face beside Richie.
    "Hi." Beverly said awkwardly, her eyes fixated on the ground.
    "Hey Stan........" Richie's voice started excited but quickly turned darker as he spotted Stan's exposed body, Stan noticed this and quickly put his sweater back over his head, his expression quickly becoming guarded and unreadable.
    "I guess we all have to talk." Beverly attempted to make light of the situation.
    "Um yeah," Richie's voice was void of it's typical joking tone "Me and Stan can talk in the bathroom I guess."
    They walked off into the bathroom, leaving Beverly and Bill alone. Bill looked anywhere but her face, he couldn't face whatever it may be. He was definitely the closest with Stan, but if Stan was number one, than Beverly was number two. They had known each other for years, he had confided in her practically everything except this. Losing her.... he wouldn't be able to face it.
    "Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice came out barely above a whisper.
    "I d-d-don't like to talk ab-bout it." He replied.
"Yeah but I don't get it."
"W-What?"
"Why you wouldn't tell me, like you knew I would support you." Beverly said.
"I d-d-didn't." Bill hated to say it, and he hated the look of realization on Bev's face. He loved her, but he could very easily see a situation where she hated him.
"Oh." Beverly made her way onto the bed beside Bill and placed her hand on Bill's. It wasn't like Stan, adrenaline wasn't flying into his arms, but it still felt nice. It was more like Valium, calming his body and his brain. "I'm sorry."
"D-Don't be."
"Is it like..." Bev paused "No that's a stupid question."
"W-What?" Bill asked as she shook her head "You c-c-can ask me."
"It's just like..." For a second, it seemed like she wasn't going to finish her sentence, but after a beat and a deep breath, she continued "Is it hard?"
"Oh" Bill's cheeks flushed and he felt a strong urge to run out the door, he didn't, but he really wanted to. His hands began to play with each other, it was the only moving part of his body, the rest of him froze. It was a simple three word question, but it held so much weight. Beverly had been there for him all his life, and she was here for him now, maybe he owed her the truth. She deserved it for sure. Still, it felt hard for the words he truly felt to make their way past just his mind and all that came out was a mumbly "Yeah I g-g-guess."
"Oh?"
"I d-d-don't know, I just feel l-like everyone hates me, and it k-kinda makes me hate me too. It's hard like all the t-t-t-t-time, and it only gets harder when you realize that you have to be l-like this. I know it sounds crazy, but I k-kinda miss when I was in d-denial. At least then I b-b-believed I could have a b-b-better life." The words tumbled out, one after the over, none of them sounding exactly how he felt but still more honest than he had been with anyone. Beverly didn't reply for a while. The silence was overwhelming and the awkwardness grew by the second. Bill regretted even saying anything and was prepared to say something to shrug it off, before Beverly finally spoke up.
    "Do you talk to Stan about this?" The question took him aback. Their relationship was stronger and more honest that it had ever been, but he didn't have much to compare it to. It's not like he left behind a string of exes to show him what a good honest relationship should look like. Stan had told him about things no one knew, and he had done the same, no one knew about his past as a gymnast except Stan, and almost no one knew about his sexuality besides Stan. But was that enough? Was he meant to communicate all of his feelings? He had no idea what was important to tell to your partner and what was okay to keep to yourself.
    "No, we d-d-don't really t-talk about that stuff." Bill answered.
    "Sexuality?"
    "Yeah." The words even surprised Bill "We d-don't really discuss our p-p-problems with it. I t-talked a little bit out of c-c-context and once in a b-b-bedtime story but never d-directly."
"I want to hear about whatever the hell that bedtime story is another time but for now, you should talk to him. It's probably something that affects him too and talking it out could be good for both of you." Beverly explained, always the best at giving advice.
    "We're k-k-kind of in a b-bubble right now. I don't know if I w-want to make it real, you kn-n-now?"
    "Yeah, but you guys have to be together for like another month. The bubble won't last that long, better to end it naturally and let in more trust and honesty, which are better than ignorant bliss anyways, when you have the chance. " Bill was wrong when he thought Beverly wouldn't understand. Obviously she didn't know what it was like to be a gay guy in Derry in the early 90's, but she understood what a relationship needed and more specifically what Bill's relationship needed.
"Thanks, Bev."
"You know I love you Billiam?"
"Of c-c-course." Bill smiled "Love you t-t-too." She didn't reply, but she didn't need to. Instead, her head found its place on his shoulder and her finger gently stroked his palm. They sat there in silence for a while, a nice silence. He could have stayed there for a lifetime.
    Though eventually Stan and Richie did come back into the main room.
    "Hey..." Bill noticed tear stains and red eyes on both Richie and Stan. Stan's expression seemed unreadable but Bill was learning how to interpret him and sadness didn't seem like the right read, instead he was showing happiness or relief maybe?
    "Hey." Stan's voice came out hoarse, yet without the weight of sadness. It wasn't clean and it wasn't clear, but his voice was still as light and airy as ever.
    "How are you?" The question seemed too simple for a situation like such, yet a suitable replacement didn't come to mind.
    "I'm okay." Stan smiled, Bill wasn't an expert on Stanerisms yet but there was no reason for him not to think it was genuine. It definitely came off that way. "You?"
    "I'm g-g-good."
    "As much as I would love to stay, Ben will kill me if  I don't pick up my kids on time." Bill's shoulder felt light, too light, as Beverly stood back onto her feet.
"He could try." Richie's familiar joking demeanour wasn't as easygoing as it typically was, but more comfortable than before, and that's a win in Bill's book.
"See you Trashmouth."
"See you Stan The Man"
"Bye." Bill said as Bev and Richie both left the cabin. "Hey Stan?"
"Yeah?"
"Can we t-t-talk?"
    "Tomorrow?" Stan responded. The red circles around his eyes and his hoarse tone spoke for why he didn't want to talk today, and Bill could understand.
    "T-T-Tomorrow."

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And that ends the chapter! Took a while to finish but we got there lol